Turn It Up

What Does The Hugger Hate

Pam and April were having a great time, discussing future plans with their men, future plans for themselves.. Enjoying some delicious coffee while watching bad horror movies. They really were getting the chance to relax and that was okay, for once. "Yea honestly I could sit down and eat a dozen donuts and have exactly zero regrets for doing it." April exclaimed aloud, her love for donuts was well documented, and she had no shame in her donut game whatsoever. Pam giggled quietly as she shook her head, "I don't get you still, you are constantly in amazing shape and your abs seemingly are never ending, yet you eat donuts all the time and I just. I'm jealous. If I even LOOK in the direction of a donut I gain ten pounds." Pam spoke quietly as she was trying to figure out how the tiny skipper remained.. Tiny. "Well it's a gift really, when I was born I was the disciple of donut. It's a fact, look it up." The disciple of donut? Was she serious. Of course not you buffoon. But it was funny nonetheless. Pam let out a quiet chuckle as no worry was inside her mind at all. Not even a sliver of anything, work, Fergal, marriage, nothing. April was succeeding in her goal to make Pam feel like a million bucks, like only she can, honestly. "This has been so fun.. And honestly I needed this for so long AJ, like honestly. Thank you, dude.. I don't know where I'd be in this world without you." April tilted her head to the side and smiled, "Aw, look who's being a Sweetie McSweetpants. Spoiler, it's you. Well of course I'm gonna be here for you, you are an absolute angel in disguise. If I weren't here? I mean, you do have Fergal. He's a lovely chap now isn't he?" April was still not convinced on Pam's claimed happiness. She knew better than to accept things for what they were at this point. Trying to pry information out of Pam, she squirmed a little bit closer. "Well I know.. Fergal just has a lot of people who are dependent on him, and a lot of people he cares about. I don't want to intrude on those people.." Pam finally spilled somewhat of what she really thought of Fergal. "What does that even mean?" April needed to figure it out, it was pretty obvious though. Pam looked over at her and shrugged, "I don't like being a burden to people with my dumbass problems. And Fergal deals with enough problems, AND mine that I can't honestly burden him with ALL of mine. He probably wouldn't be able to take it. Not many people can.." April knew that's how she felt, but she wanted to hear it with her own two little ears before she jumped to any conclusion.. "Well.. Wanna know what I think, baby boo?"

Pam was.. Worried about saying yes to this, but how much of an asshole would she be if she said no? "Well of course.. Go on?" Pam was worried this is the time where April lit her up with words, chewing her ass out figuratively. "Well. Honestly I think you need to stop trying to protect him from the truth. When it comes to you? You LITERALLY are his entire life, when you were in the hospital? I've never seen him so emotional ever. I've known him for, eh a little while. But seeing how he took the incident with Shinsuke and them? And then you? It REALLY is clear who takes up the bulk of his heart. He refused to eat, sleep, or leave the hospital. Quietly he sat there and just, waited for you to be okay. There's so many things that he does when nobody is looking when it comes to you.. Fergal loves you. Like a lot. He'd be devastated if he knew there was shit you keep inside and don't tell him. I mean didn't you say that you once tried to let him in like that and, uh. Didn't you tell him there's stuff you don't tell him?" Pam nodded, and April continued, "He was hurt. Wasn't he? Wouldn't you be hurt if there were problems that he had and never told you? Even if it takes a person a little bit to tell you, not saying anything is the BIGGEST mistake.. Ever."

April was right, like always. "Trust me, keeping secrets to 'protect' them is the worst thing you can do. Trust me. Wanna know why men and Phil, and hell.. Saraya broke up? It didn't work because our communication SHIT the bed. Phil was trying to protect me from ghosts from his past, and I got upset. It escalated into something I never thought it would be. And now look at us.. We can't even be in the same room without wanting to tear each other's throats out. Saraya had demons, a LOT of demons inside. Didn't talk about them. Instead? She lashed out, on the one person who gave her a fucking chance. Me. I was the person who had to eat shit and like the taste of it with her. I'm still kind of reeling from what she did. Physically I think I still have scars from her. Emotionally? It's hard to let anyone in and fix the damage. Jon is trying, really hard. He's so relaxed all the time that I can lay on him a TON of my problems. Regardless of how silly they are.. And he always listens. What I'm getting at, Pam, is that Fergal is a great guy. Keeping him in the dark is only gonna hurt you, and him.. I don't wanna see that go down with you guys.." April's speech was, holy shit eye opening for Pam. She never thought of the damage that not talking to him would ultimately cause. But how does she broach the subjects that DO bother her.. It was so difficult to really do that and honestly it was terrifying. "I get it.. But.. Let me see your scars, AJ.. You can't get out of this." April was stuck in the mud now, Pam had her by the, well. You know. And she couldn't get away. "Fine. You asked for it. Just don't try and go being a hero after you see. Got it, squirt?" Pam nodded and April rose to her feet. She removed her shirt partially and lifted her bra up SLIGHTLY. "See that dot right there on where the strap should be?" Pam nodded slowly. "Well. That's thanks to having a wire somewhat protruding out of where it needed to be, and getting swatted repeatedly like a fly by her. It punctured me, and I bled for actual days." Pam covered her mouth in shock. She gently put her hand over top of it, "I am so sorry nobody saw the abuse you had to take baby girl.. I'm so sorry.." April closed her eyes, "There's more.." Pam shook her head, "N-no. I've um. I've seen enough. I'll just get super upset if I see more.." She then removed her hand from the scar and put it back on her own thigh. April put her bra back in place, and her shirt fell back to where it was before. "Just talk to him. It'll work wonders on your mental health, and possibly your physical health." Pam nodded, and when she did her phone buzzed from a text message. It was Fergal.. Simply reading, 'With Lexi and Matt now.' she shook her head and responded, trying to hide her insecurity. 'Okay. Be safe and have fun, love.' This bothered her to no end.. "What's wrong Pammie?" She shook her head, "Fergal is just.. With Matt and Lexi.." April cringed lightly, "Is that bad?.." She was unsure due to Pam's facial expression. Pam simply looked over at her and smiled, "I hate it."

Fergal stuffed his phone in his pocket as he found the seat that he was in to visit Alexis last time, Matt looked utterly exhausted. "Hey, thanks for comin' out mate." There would have been a welcoming hug, but Alexis was bedridden, and Matt was damn near sleeping. "Goodness, this looks like the fun crew came out to play, no?" Fergal's little joke caused them both to laugh and look at each other, "Yea, we've seen better days. Not gonna lie." Matt spoke, Alexis was struggling to not just get up and walk out. Her breathing was reduced to little, short ones. Taking in a lot of air would potentially hurt her and she didn't want to do that, obviously. "I missed you." Alexis looked at Fergal and Matt nodded, "Honestly, same man. You've been so helpful and kind to us we literally love having you around." Fergal hasn't felt this kind of welcoming from anyone in so long it was absolutely refreshing to hear this from not just one, but two people. "You guys are too nice to me. I'm just doin' me. Nothing more nothing less.." Fergal shook his head very slowly.

Alexis saw this, and knew her friend waaaay better than that by now. "So what's wrong." She blurted out as Matt's eyes darted over to Fergal and slowly began seeing the same thing. That distraught, worried look on his face was plastered from ear to ear. "Hm? Oh, nothing Lexi. Just the same old same old. Nothing new, I promise." She shook her head slowly herself now, "I don't wanna hear that. Talk to us. Maybe we can help?" Her voice was so frail sounding and it almost brought Fergal to tears. He hated seeing her like this, luckily Shinsuke and Rebecca got out almost unharmed compared to Alexis, and Pam was recovering beautifully. This was taking a lot out of her and she knew that, but praying was all she had left. She prayed daily about recovery, the health and safety of her loved ones. And now? One of them was trying to dismiss his struggles in a vain attempt to protect her. She wouldn't stand for it. Err.. Lay down for it. You get the picture. "Just Pam. I feel like her priorities sometimes are a little, jacked up." Matt shook his head, speaking so Alexis didn't have to, "What do you mean?" Fergal shook his head, "I feel like Pam wears blinders to things that go wrong with me. After all this time I still feel like she's being distant with me on purpose. Not wanting to let me in on her life all the time.. Case in point. I INVITED April to come with us to Pam's house so we all could hang out together.. And." Matt interrupted Fergal, knowing what he'd say. "Look where you are now." Fergal nodded and Alexis chimed in, "Well what happened?" She felt a shot of pain course through her thighs and shoot right up to her heart, she slammed her eyes closed and cringed at the feeling, causing Matt to walk over to her and grab her hand gently.. "Breathe Lexi.. Please just relax.." She nodded slowly as the pain subsided, "I'm fine.." Now is when she needed to listen. Fergal felt AWFUL about being asked to answer these questions, especially when Alexis is like this.. It didn't feel right, but he didn't want to further upset her. "Well.. I was kindly asked to take a hike.." Fergal's shoulders slumped down now, almost like a rejected middle schooler who's dance invitation was declined. Alexis shook her head as Matt softly caressed her hand with his thumb. "I wouldn't.. I wouldn't care so much if it weren't for the fact that I wanted to be with Pamela so badly. She just got released and I get shooed away like trash blowing in the wind?" Fergal now hung his head low, he hated feeling rejected like this. This literally is the prime reason why he doesn't ask for anything ever. "C'mere bud." Matt motioned for him to move a little closer. As Fergal got over to him a little, the time for a hug was necessary. Matt hugged Fergal and tried to reassure the very upset man. "Just try and remember that Pam can do that kind of stuff. She doesn't intentionally do it. Maybe you guys gotta talk.. Like an actual sit down." After the hug broke, and Matt stopped talking, Alexis reached up with both of her arms, wanting a hug herself. Fergal looked at Matt, worried that he could possibly hurt the tiny, frail woman. But nevertheless, he nodded. And Fergal gently embraced her in a hug.

"I hate when you're sad Ferg. Please try to talk to her. We are always gonna be here for you. Never feel rejected, cause we never will reject you.." Alexis' words were both reassuring and necessary. Alexis and Matt had succeeded in making Fergal feel a little better. He released her and guided her back down to the bed. "When are you gonna get outta here, Lex?" She lightly shrugged, "I'm told.. A week. Then I can lay in MY bed.." Her voice was that of a dehydrated girl who squeaked every other word. Fergal nodded, "Just take it slow.. Rushing recovery is the worst thing. Matt. Buddy. Make sure she doesn't do anything dumb.." Matt softly laughed, "I'm gonna have to be her father for about two months." Fergal laughed softly, "I'll make sure when she makes her comeback? Which is happening I don't care what doctors might say later; She'll have her spot.." Alexis smiled, and looked at Matt.. They were both so thankful for him it was insane. It's too bad that Pam had to see this all as some kind of weird.. Threat.. Hopefully she takes this well, for history has proven that.. She does NOT..