Turn It Up

Don't Be Sad That It's Over

Fergal heard the knocking and shivered at the quiet three pounds on his door. A tiny voice was heard; "Fergal..? It's.. It's me.." Pam was clearly scared to come here and she wasn't exactly set in her ways for this. Basically neither of them were willing to do this right now, they didn't want to see each other in this state, they didn't want to address the mounting problems their relationship was beginning to carry around on their shoulders on a daily basis.. Everything was going wrong in their lives except.. Wait no even work is shitting the bed. For Pam at least, Fergal is literally on top of the world of professional wrestling. Pam is free falling down further than she ever has and honestly? Who does she have to blame but herself. Fergal finally got to the door and didn't speak, not letting her know that he heard her and just opened the door, very very slowly. The feeling he got upon seeing her almost made him throw up. He was filled with anger, frustration, happiness, sadness... Every emotion on the spectrum; Fergal felt. Pam on the other hand was shivering in fear. "Hi.." She was the one to break the dead silence and Fergal moved out of the way, allowing her entrance into his apartment. Fergal closed the door behind her and cleared his throat, he felt a scratching sensation in the back of it and just wanted to get this over with. "How have you been..?" Pam was literally the only one talking right now, Fergal was not at that point of comfortability with her yet to talk.. She looked around his apartment and took note of just how dark everything was. There was no energy in this place whatsoever, no good vibes.. Only sadness and anger. She turned to him and saw his facial expression, one that she has never seen before.. "Fergal.. If we're gonna talk this out, you need to talk to me." He moved swiftly to the recliner, he wanted nothing to do with sitting next to her. "Sit down then. Let's talk." In his head, she had a LOT of explaining to do and she needed to start now rather than later. Pam nodded at him, sitting down almost as far away from him as she could. She began to think about this apartment, all of the happy memories that occurred here, all of the fun times, the sexy times.. All of the good memories that they shared together in this place. And now?.. It was tainted, tainted by the mistakes of an insecure woman who had no control over what her mind and body did. She shook her head visibly from side to side. Fergal took note, "What are you already shaking your head over, Pam." This wasn't going to be easy..

    Pam snapped out of her trance like state and looked over at him, only locking eyes with him for a quick moment. Fergal's eyes were cold, deep.. The thousand yard stare was in full effect and it petrified Pam to her core. "N-nothing Fergal. I'm just remembering the old days." He was the one who shook his head now, "Don't even think about the old days. They're long gone." As brutal as that was to say, Fergal was right. The old days were far gone and too much has happened between those memories, and today to really make them possible ever again. Pam swallowed hard, feeling a little ball in the back of her throat. Fergal really looked like a man who was done with everything. He in essence, has done.. Everything he possibly can to make sure that this relationship that he took so much pride in did NOT die. And what happened anyways? It was dying. Dying for reasons he could not control, dying for things that should be small discussions, not gigantic fights.. The fact that they constantly fought over things that should NOT be fought over took their toll on Fergal's positivity long ago.. It just now was becoming obvious the extent of the damage. "Oh.. Um.. Okay. I'm sorry Fergal.. I didn't mean to dwell.."

    Fergal shook his head, "Just. Stop. What did you want to say about what happened. I can't just sit here and stroll down memory lane and feel bad about it." Fergal had no fear anymore, whatever fear and cautiousness he had left inside of him was burned when Pam basically left him high and dry. Then she never tried to reach out to him for about a week. Dead silence. For an entire week. No, all good that was in Fergal was replaced with resentment. Pam was taken back by his forwardness, "I um. I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am. And how I didn't mean what I said.. I was so wrong to do that to you.." Pam's apology was appreciated, but it was five days too late. The old saying is, 'Better late than never!' Well not here. Better late than never only made the room for the apology disappear and be replaced with a burning hatred and anger towards the person. Fergal nodded though, even though he had such anger towards the whole world, and Pam, he still was not going to be a complete dickhead about everything. "Look. I appreciate the fact that you wanted to apologize, but honestly I don't even know if I want it anymore." His voice was low, and slow. Funny rhyme I'm aware. Fergal's voice was very quiet, is the point. And he didn't care who knew why. Pam shivered again, trying to hide the fact that she was quite scared for her wellbeing. "Then what do you want from me Fergal? Cause at this point I'm starting to think you don't want to be with me anymore." Pam started to lightly cry. She was unable to truly handle the emotional pain that this fight was causing her. She systematically lost everything that was important to her. From her title, to the love of her life. Everything was leaving and was it her fault? She didn't even know if it was or was not. Fergal shrugged, "I don't know anymore, Pam. Honestly I had so much faith, and trust, and hope in us. And if you want my honest opinion, it was thrown away for NOTHING. Absolutely nothing. This relationship was all I held dear, and it existed only to burn in the end, now didn't it? Am I overreacting? Is there something that I missed? Because honestly I don't know how many times I've had to bend the fucking knee here for the betterment of our relationship." Fergal made a solid point.. And Pam had to come clean, recognize her faults and then hopefully help him heal. "I'm.. I'm sorry. You deserve better than this.." She shook her head, beginning to question if Fergal really loved her anymore.. It was a sinking feeling, that shifted into what can only be described as a dagger with teeth being inserted slowly into her still beating heart. "What do you want from me, Pam? Honest to god what do you want from me anymore?" Fergal rubbed his chin in frustration.