Turn It Up

Add A Side Of Doubt

After the rather..unexpected events that took place on New Years, Fergal has been quite on edge and it was entirely understandable. He never could get that image out of his head, there was nothing that could really get it out. That just is something that a guy shouldn't have to be put through, witnessing someone grabbing and feeling your lady up like that? Just isn't even remotely cool whatsoever..He was distant, very distant towards everyone. At work he was almost like a ghost, people asked about him but the typical answer was, 'I know he's here, but I don't know where.' Pam was usually the only person who got to see him. Even fans were speculating what had happened to him, he sort of vanished off of the face of the earth virtually overnight. To be honest if I was in his shoes I would do the exact same thing. I cannot blame him for feeling like he needs to isolate himself from the world, what would it do for him anyways? Not understand how he feels? Make him feel worse about it? That would typically be a result of opening up, so in his best interest, Fergal became a ghost. Pam on the other hand knew exactly why he was doing this, he wasn't entirely treating her differently, but he a little bit was. Fergal was..different when it came to healing from an emotional wound. He needed to be alone, comfort only went so far. He needed to come to terms with what had happened, and how he can either prevent it from happening again, or how he can manage to deal with the fear of him being helpless. At work, Pam was still trying to be a beacon of light for all who surround her. She tried her absolute best to make sure that there was nothing wrong with anyone or anything around her..That was her way of dealing with this drama, she didn't want anyone to have any kind of doubt that she was not okay. In reality she felt like shit, like if she just turned around she could have prevented everything from going down that way, Fergal tried his best to ensure that she did not take blame for anything that happened that night, but at the end of the day Pam is only human, and humans take blame for things like that. No matter the level of reassurance, Pam still felt like she was a sheep in front of a lion. Her entire body was filled from head to toe with fear, insecurity, and above all else, uncertainty. It really was not an okay time to be the hugger, but then again, it has been a recurring theme for her throughout the past few..months at this point. She was getting ready to go out and get her ass kicked by Ashley, again. It was ultimately to set up a Pam title run, but for now the final result didn't really feel like it was worth it. Her whole body felt icky, Fergal really hadn't been the same since that night, truly an understatement.

Before it was rare for Fergal to pay attention to her in that way just because that is not the guy he is, he doesn't prioritize sexual desires and overwhelm the senses with sexual triggers, or tension. But now? He hadn't even really looked at her in that way for several days..It was really starting to bug Pam but how the hell could she complain about that? 'Oh, hey babe. I know you're upset and all, but you need to start giving me the attention I deserve, thanks.' No, that is NOT how she is, and by the way, if someone ever does that to a person, they officially are the scum of the earth. Just saying. Pam knew personal space, and honestly? She was losing all faith in their sex life. It was building and building for weeks and weeks, honestly months now. It just seemed to..die. There was no fire anymore, there was no, 'I HAVE to have you. Right now.' anymore..it really bothered her..But she was entirely powerless to either fix it, say anything about it..And it sucked really bad. Fergal again wasn't scheduled to work, so he hid away from the rest of the world.

It was so sad to see, Fergal who did nothing wrong, and Pam who also did nothing wrong..Yet here they both were, victims in their own respective way. Fergal who couldn't come to grips with what happened, felt like a failure for not preventing it and reacting like a normal guy would. In his mind, freaking out and potentially getting into a physical altercation with the random guy would have ended extremely bad. For him. Pam had to sit back and watch as the love of her life slipped slowly into madness over something that she was beginning to take wrongful blame for. She had to watch her relationship slowly whither away into a small, fraction of what it used to be. This thing she wanted for so long, and put so much into was now slowly becoming a shadow..Both of them were NOT wrong in this, Fergal's reaction was simply due to his undying love for her, wanting what's best for her, and feeling like a failure for not protecting her. Pam walked up the ramp towards the curtains, not even caring about going to work. She tuned out the rest of the world so well right now, a bomb could go off right next to her and she wouldn't hear it. Her music hit and she had to put up that front, she had to make it look like she was the happy, huggable, lovable, Bayley. She saw the fans faces and that did make her feel a little bit better, children who loved her always made her heart flutter just a little more than it had moments ago. It was all smoke and mirrors however, Pam truly felt horrible for everything that was going on with Fergal, and was joining him in the isolation idea. Even her closest friends couldn't get a hold of her through text, calling, or finding her at work. Pam got in the ring and waited for Ashley to make her entrance, it was at this time that she began to think again. The adrenaline wore off quickly from the happy vibes that the fans gave her and she was stabbed in the heart for what reality really was. Be thankful for where you are, but be pissed about how life is going. That is the only thought she had in her mind right now, for she was obviously grateful and overjoyed with her life, WWE Superstar, one of the best Women's Wrestlers of the modern era..Love of her life is alive and well. But remember that the WWE is treating her like a whipping stick to catapult people into further spotlight, at HER expense. And the love of her life is more depressed and guilt filled than he has ever been in his entire life.

Pam felt paralyzed as Ashley walked up the steps and towards the ring, she leaned in the corner and just felt utterly hopeless. This dark mindset reflected on her face and it was ridiculously obvious..Pam was never the best at hiding her emotions. The match began and Pam simply looked at it was work. There was nothing special about it. It was entirely intended to be a squash match to make Ashley look unstoppable, and Pam look weak. It really sucked to be in that situation, and it sucked more for Fergal to see the bad timing that this really was at the end of the day. He sat backstage and watched on a monitor, far removed from the rest of the people around him. They couldn't recognize him due to the black hoodie and his rather somber attitude. Fergal was typically the happy, bubbly partner for Pam, they usually were uplifting for the rest of the locker room. But..that was then. This is now. Now they both actually hated life and they both hated what had happened. All because of some stupid ass New Years party that really wasn't even all that good, that honestly is the worst thing of all. The party in no way shape or form was worth any time at all, none the less their first New Years together..Fergal watched as Pam wore her anger on her face, he watched as her pain was more and more apparent on her face and her body language. She almost didn't even bother to sell the match properly by fighting back.

Well thank god that match ended. There was no point in it in literally almost everyone else's eyes. To be honest? Pam assumed it was punishment for her getting out of her original storyline, WWE was like that, if you wronged them in a way..Then your work would suffer GREATLY. Case in point, the Madison Square Garden..incident. With Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Kevin Nash, and Scott Hall. They broke character to embrace one another in a goodbye hug, due to Nash and Hall leaving the WWE for WCW. Shawn Michaels was WWE champion, Triple H? Was the low man on the totem pole. He was punished HARSHLY. Scheduled to win the King of the Ring that year, it was entirely taken away from him and for around a year he was forced to get his ass kicked on a regular basis by virtually everyone in sight. As Pam lay defeated in the ring, she held onto her stomach for that took the brunt of Ashley's attacks during the match, she thought about the MSG incident and how there was no way that could happen to her. Well hopefully at least, the scared little girl inside of Pam screamed and drew red flags trying to tell her..that something was very wrong. She sat up and the fans almost seemed disinterested in her entirely. They were begging for her before she came up with her main roster call up. Now? They weren't invested anymore..That right there, ladies and gentlemen, is bad booking. Bad booking was something that plagued the RAW locker room as a whole for months now. Brand split saw SmackDown! Take the cake for being the better written show. Err, at least partially. RAW was struggling with those things like..point to a storyline for one, that drove fans absolutely batshit insane. Pam rolled somberly out of the ring and walked up the ramp at a normal pace, she did NOT want to be here anymore. She just wanted to go home, lay in bed, and waste away into nothingness. But that was out of the question, she had to wait around and be on that ridiculous show after RAW to cut shoot promos against the people hosting it, and potentially other Superstars as a whole. She'll never forget the first few times on there..Her idol Amy Dumas, (Lita) ripped her apart. Then? She was embarrassed by Kevin Steen (Owens) and Chris Irvine (Jericho), which also broke her heart further into pieces. It really sucked to be dismantled in front of a live audience, your peers, idols, and for what? To further them along? Pam had a plan for this that would drastically change..a lot of things.

After RAW went off the air, she sat down on the stool waiting for the red light to come on indicating they were live with this..talkshow. "Thank you so much for coming on the show this evening. So, Bayley. What happened out there? Why did it look like you had no fight left in you anymore? Why did it look like you just didn't care?" Renee asked her in her typical reporter tone. Pam thought about it for a moment, the answer was clear, vague, and depressing. She shook her head, "Well you see Renee, sometimes things just don't go your way. Sometimes things happen in life, that supersede just a simple wrestling match. Y'know..being told for years you 'don't have it kid.' Or, 'You're so cute, but you can't cut it here.' really starts to weigh a lot after a long while. Charlotte Flair tonight was just the straw that broke the camel's back.." With that Pam legitimately began to cry, she set the microphone gently down on the table. Renee tried to stop her, "Bayley, wait we still have some question-" Pam ripped the earpiece out, set that down too. Smiled one more time through her tears, "Thank you, Renee." sniffled loudly, and walked off. Fergal had seen all of this go down and he was waiting for her in the locker room. She swung the door open and without one word being spoken, Pam broke down crying and Fergal walked over and took her into his arms, gently holding the broken down woman close to him..