Turn It Up

Gorge Your Hatred

Tunnel vision was the only way to describe how Pam felt.. It was a sinking, nagging, clawing almost type of feeling that was not getting better as she walked away from the situation. As a matter of fact? It was getting entirely worse.. Being removed from the area and not being able to SEE what was going on was driving her absolutely insane. She had to somehow be able to look passed this.. She needed to put these feelings in a bottle and forget where she put it. Paul stopped ultimately and embraced her in a father-like hug. "Congratulations Pam.. You deserve this. That match was insane! You guys stole the show, again. And to think, you had a week to prepare for this. We decided about how to go about the rest of the month leading into 'Mania, and you were the top choice for being the Champion. Your time is here!" Paul was literally speaking to her as if he was speaking to his daughter, that's how he treated most if not all of the Superstars he worked with, he needed to coach them, teach them the ways of Sports Entertainment. Only certain people didn't need to be coached like this, CM Punk, AJ Lee, Kevin Owens. There were only a handful of people who didn't need this type of coaching/praise. Fergal and Pam both did, Mercedes did, Rebecca, Ashley, Saraya, Nicole, all of them needed praise like this for as good as they were? They always had their own doubts. Pam hugged back, trying to suppress her doubts about Mercedes' intentions.. She was beginning to let the true nature of fear over encumber her thoughts. She weakly smiled and nodded, "Thank you so much.. I won't let you guys down I swear.." Paul nodded at her words, knowing she must be overwhelmed, "I know you won't. We've always told you that you're one of the best in the world, now? YOU have the proof." Pam smiled, his words were much appreciated and she would cherish them forever. Her first Women's Title win? That's insanity. From the small girl who was overly obsessed with the world of Professional Wrestling, to the Woman who now ran the place. "Alright I gotta go, but again, congratulations and have a good night!" Paul peeled himself off of her and walked off, "Thank you, you too!" Pam backed up quickly, almost like a speed walk kind of deal to get back to see if Mercedes was.. In her mind, unnecessarily all over her man.

When Pam returned? Mercedes had vanished, Fergal was not there either. Pam felt like she would vomit upon not seeing them.. Her mind was wandering so far away that she almost lost it until.. She felt someone grab her forearm. It was Fergal and she jumped at his touch, causing Fergal to release her quickly. "Whoa whoa.. Calm down Pam.. It's just me.. Relax dear.." Pam turned her head slowly and analyzed his lips, checking them out to see if he had any red on them.. Yes that's how paranoid she was being right now, call it ridiculous.. But this is where her mind had wandered off to. "Hey.." Pam finally spoke, her voice filled with the doubt, fear, and hatred that she so desperately tried to hide from the world. It was not like her to succumb to these kinds of emotions.. But now was not the time to be a normal version of herself. "Are you alright? You look mighty pale.." Fergal did not dare get close to her unless she visibly gave him a sign to do so, and at the moment there were no signs to see. Pam nodded slowly, "Yep. I'm fine. I think my title is done.." Fergal nodded, not pressing the obvious issue that he did not know the root cause of. "Fair enough.." Pam caught that as Fergal tried to just get out of this situation, "Fair enough? What exactly is that supposed to mean, Fergal.." Pam was confrontational for the first time in their relationship and it seemed like she was trying her best to instigate a fight with him..

Fergal saw this immediately, he saw the hatred in her eyes, it almost looked like a fire was beginning to take over her normally calm and beautiful brown eyes. "Fair enough, as in I know there's something on your mind, and I'm not gonna even try to pry it out of you. That'll be a losing battle." Fergal spoke softly, still trying to enhance his calm. Pam was getting offended by everything he was saying even though he was doing it in the nicest, most polite way possible. She shook her head, biting down HARD on the inside of her cheek. "So. I'm just fragile to you now? The innocent little Hugger too weak for you?" Fergal narrowed his gaze upon her, he shook his head very, very slowly. Feeling the tension in the air rise and the stress levels follow suit.. "Don't do this Pam.. You know you don't want to do this right now.." Fergal whispered, practically pleading with the woman to just try and suppress her anger so hopefully they can have some kind of orderly conversation about all of what was consuming her mind. Pam was growing more frustrated, you see, once you get to this level of anger.. Not much in the world can talk you out of it, especially when this is an old flame being reignited like this.. She had little to no trust in the world and the people inside of it. Pam has been abused and lied to by friends and previous boyfriends and yes, it really is not okay for her to base the future off of the past. But the old saying is that those who do not learn from history, are doomed to repeat it. And Pam would be damned if she was going to repeat her rather dark, painful past. "You know what Fergal..? Whatever." Pam looked down and her belt was pushed her way, the new side plates were now on the beautiful belt and she snagged it from the table, beginning to walk away from him now, with no regard to the fact that they freaking travel together. As she did this, Fergal looked over at the guy who put the plates on and shrugged, "If you would give me a million dollars to tell you what I did wrong just now? I wouldn't be able to tell you." Fergal lightly laughed and so did the guy, he really was confused right now and he was hating the fact that she was keeping something that turned her, literally into an angry version of herself and kept it bottled up inside, like a prison, almost..

Fergal ultimately walked off and went to the locker room where they both were, as he did, he saw Pam already had her stuff ready and was walking out. "So you plan on taking the rent-a-car too?" He was actually frustrated just a tiny bit, his patience has reached its limit. "Well to be honest I thought about it, but then again? Ditching you here wouldn't be fun." Fergal grabbed his jacket and put it on, shaking his head and then proceeding to grab his luggage. "Well thanks. For thinking ditching me would be too boring to do. You are all wise and kind." He walked out now and Pam was slowly beginning to snap out of her bloodthirsty rage that had basically taken control of every inch of her body. Fergal kept walking down the hall and Pam grew silent beside him, the realization was setting in, and she was seeing just how ugly her jealousy, how disgusting her hatred, how painful her fear really was going to be if she somehow didn't get a grip on it. If Pam wouldn't allow herself to trust him, if she didn't allow herself to even trust her friends.. She was going to wind up losing everything she has ever loved. She silently began to have an anxiety attack but hid it so well you wouldn't even be able to tell. Fergal getting frustrated with her was the trigger that set her off of her angry path, but him being frustrated was also the trigger that pushed her to fear him walking out on her. Pam has never had a person like him before, as stated before, her previous boyfriends/friends have always wanted something out of her and it was getting very, very old to repeat the same old shit month after month. Also, far too painful to continue as well..

As they got into the parking lot, Fergal popped the trunk and simply threw his bag inside of it before walking briskly towards the driver's side and climbing in. He did not speak to Pam, he had nothing to say right now. In his mind? There was nothing he did wrong to deserve this kind of anger and resentment. Pam was almost being borderline ridiculous, and to him she was being ridiculous. Not speaking in a relationship is just a disaster waiting to happen, and honestly? It hurt him more than he wanted to ever admit to anyone that Pam would do this. She would allow herself to not even communicate with him what was wrong to at least TRY and fix it. After he saw she got in just by giving a slight glance, he turned the car on. The weather outside was cold, it had snowed during the night and there was nothing better to him than a nice snowy night when he was feeling this hot. He never shook, the cold never set into him even though when he took breaths in he felt it settle deep into his lungs. Pam on the other hand was a shivering mess, she hated the cold and being from California, she REALLY hated the cold. Pam had one thought penetrating her mind.. 'You will be alone in the end'.. This is the only thing she could actually think about, the void that her mind has become was that of deep deep depression. The car ride was pure tension, it was awkward and it was silent, neither one of them spoke a single word and it was honestly becoming more and more apparent Fergal was done with how he handled the cold. This is important for just a few short months ago it felt, he explained to her that the cold did bother him, but if he was angry, or sad, or any kind of bad emotion that really REALLY got to him? It had no effect on him whatsoever. Remembering this thought almost out of nowhere, Pam hung her head low once more, Fergal saw this and decided, 'What the hell. Let's try. Again.' He inhaled deeply, feeling the cold yet again settle deep into his lungs, "What's wrong." Pam looked up at him, he finally spoke to her which almost felt like a relief. Sad isn't it? She cleared her throat, "Um.. I'm okay Fergal.. Just a little tired. I can't wait to get out of this crazy day.." She tried to play her sentence off with a tension reducing giggle. It did nothing for Fergal. He knew deep down that her words carried no weight, and that Pam was really hiding the truth from him for some reason. She did not trust him with the truth. He nodded however, not even wanting to bother instigating another fight, "Alright." That's the only thing he could think of. For anything else and he felt as if they would be fighting again. Fergal had a deepening sense of self doubt that was only amplified by moments like this. Was he good for her? Is there something he just does that makes her hate the world? What was he doing so wrong to Pam? His mind began to race a mile a minute..

Getting to the hotel after one of the worst car rides of all time, they slugged their way towards their room and Fergal felt worse than he did when she was being shitty to him. All Pam had to do was T A L K about how she felt and the whole problem would be solved.. But, fear is possibly the most powerful emotion a human can have, and that is what was preventing her from doing so. They got into the room and Fergal shut/locked the door behind them. Pam walked into the bedroom and put her bag down on the floor. Fergal sat on the couch in the small living room area the hotel had and.. Was about to hurt himself by saying this. "I'm just gonna crash out on the couch tonight Pam.. You have the bed.." Pam was shocked, she had no idea this was the extent of the damage that was inflicted on their relationship. "A-are you sure you don't wanna lie with me tonight Fergal?" He hung his head low, Pam could see him do this in the reflection provided by the rather large mirror. She could see his pain, and quietly he spoke, "Y-yea.. I'm sure Pam.."