Turn It Up

Harness Your Rage

After Pam's attempt at comforting Fergal was a fruitless venture, Fergal didn't listen. He was so full of anger and frustration and a whole lot of other nasty emotions that he really just wanted to strangle a person until their skin turns blue. It was an unsafe mindset, sure. He knew that, he knew that the reasons why he felt this way had been piling up for months now.. There was almost no avoiding him blowing his top off and he could do it to anyone or anything at this point. Pam was still on tour, she was still doing what she loved to do and what she did best. Wrestling was her escape, she was able to channel her rage and frustration and expel it from her body in a positive way and a very creative one at that. Fergal was so far down the tubes that if he were to get in the ring with someone, anyone, he would LASH out and go nuts on somebody. Luckily, Paul had recognized this and given him paid time off. Fergal was not at fault, he wasn't the one to point fingers at to be honest. It was slightly his fault for not talking to people about how he feels and trying to work out his problems.. But for the ones he loved? Just saying that 'I'm here for you' only goes so far.. It still is frightening to admit that you are damaged, nobody wants to do it.. And offering that light support is sweet and all, but at the end of the day? When you feel THIS badly? Someone must pry it out of you, not just say that they're there for you. Doing that to someone puts them in an uncomfortable, 'I don't want to bother you with my problems' mindset that is more dangerous than anything else in the world. They start to feel a new emotion about their own problems; fear. Fear takes over and spreads its dark tendrils all over the mind and heart, consuming any hope you may have had left. Fergal was trying to exorcise the demons he felt inside his heart, he was addressing the problems that he faced head on, and alone. He felt alone even though people like Pam, and Alexis, and Matt offered their support. They did it in a way that didn't really work for him. Fergal needed to be caressed emotionally, meaning that he needed super comfort when he got this bad. Basically, he would never seek help, help would have to seek him.. It was a scary game to play.. And NO ONE should do it. Fergal sat on his couch, watching RAW and was not even bothered by the fact that he wasn't at the show. For Fergal was still kind of traveling with them, but just not as heavily. He had one thing on his mind that he needed to get out and rid of permanently. There was one person who did.. One little thing that he never truly understood why they did it. Mercedes. He wanted to get this demon out in the worst possible way. Not only did it look like Mercedes intentionally try to fuck up his relationship, but she WANTED to do have sex with him. It wasn't like she was trying to plant doubt in the middle of them, she just threw herself at Fergal like she was a football. It was honestly bothering him oh so much..

    Fergal grabbed his phone and texted her; 'Meet me at my hotel room. We need to talk. Now.' He got a message back immediately, 'Be there soon.' Fergal had no idea what he was going to say to her, or how he would react upon seeing her. The last time Fergal saw her.. He thinks it was when she tried to get him to go back with her and, well. You know. Fergal set his phone down and waited, he honestly looked like absolute shit. Skin was super pale, eyes were somewhat bloodshot, there was a bottle of.. What he remembered as four thousand dollar wine sitting next to him and and empty, red tinted glass in his hand. Fergal was ready to tackle this beast and get this shit right out of the way. He knew Pam wouldn't come back right away, she was in the main event and the show was in its infancy. He thought he was prepared for this..

    Fergal sat there like Tony Montana from Scarface, snarl on his face.. Five o'clock shadow plastered all over his cheeks, and chin. He shaved before he came back to wrestle but then after he melted down into nothingness he just said fuck it and allowed it to grow out. After about ten minutes he heard a knocking on his door, it was very.. Very light. Fergal stood up and put his glass down next to the bottle. He lumbered almost silently like Jason Voorhees from Friday The 13th and peeked through the peephole. There she stood, the woman who he alleged had been plotting the destruction of his relationship for months. Her pink hair was braided and resting gently on her right shoulder. He swung the door open fast and that nasty, mean look never left his face. "Hey Fergal.. God, you look like shit.." She spoke softly and Fergal got out of the way so she could walk in, he didn't bother greeting her, he was struggling internally to control his emotions to lash out at her right now. Closing the door almost too calmly, Mercedes sat down on the little chair that was in the room. "Why did you want me to come here.." She asked, almost scared now like Fergal was some kind of deranged killer man. Fergal poured himself a glass of the expensive beverage, "Want some? You might need it." She shook her head, "I don't. Thank y-" Fergal cut her off. "Why did you try to get me back to your hotel that one day. And why did you try to seduce me in the bar. What the fuck is wrong with you Mercedes." Fergal felt his heart begin to pump faster and faster, Mercedes grew instantly defensive and nervous. Her flight or fight response kicked in and she eyed the door, in fear of needed to run out of it. "Listen.. L-Let me explain.." Mercedes' hands began to shake as she was not sure what he was capable of. Fear was an understatement as well as an overused word, she was petrified of him right now. Fergal saw her hands shaking and it hit him that she thought he was going to assault her.. "Jesus Mercedes, you really think I'd just beat the shit out of you like that? As much as I'm not a fan of you anymore, I'm not that much of an asshole." He shook his head and looked around, "Explain. Make me understand why you tried to ruin my relationship with Pamela." Fergal was in full bad cop mode right now, scaring her was just a way to get the truth out and cut the bullshit. Mercedes took in a deep breath and let it exit her lungs slowly. "Because I love you Fergal." Her voice cracked when she said love, and Fergal choked on his wine, he began to cough loudly and he hit his chest a few times with a balled up hand. "What.. What did you just." He tried to get words out but coughed again. "I love you. Honestly when we were in NXT I was.. I was just so enamored by you and everything you did.. And do.. You teaching me little things in wrestling.. My promos were complete ass when I got to NXT. But what did you do? You took the time to help me and I just. I had.. Have.. So many fantasies about you being just a gentle little giant.." Mercedes confession wasn't really a shock..

    Fergal kind of figured this out by the way she would look at him. He knew that this wasn't going to end well and honestly this was the end of their friendship. He shook his head, "So all of this time you were with Colby.." She spoke after him now, almost cutting his thinking off, "I was trying to find a way to get you out of my head Fergal. Don't you get it?" He nodded at her. His blood began to boil again and he was getting angrier and angrier by the second. It finally dawned on him, Pam was right. She was right all along about Mercedes and Fergal was too naive and ignorant to pay attention to the signs that were RIGHT in his face. He shook his head slowly and looked over at her, "What is it? Why are you shaking your head like that.." She squirmed in her seat uncomfortably and grew more fearful by each passing moment.. Fergal.. Laughed.. Loudly.

    "And you laugh?" Mercedes was confused. This was going to be the last time Fergal ever saw her on purpose. And he knew that, insanity was setting in for now he was angry that he denied Pam that clarification. "You know something, 'Cedes? I defended the fuck out of you. Pamw wanted to kick the fuck out of you for WEEKS.. Because SHE knew who you really were. She knew that you just wanted to get with me and she knew that you were just a monster who didn't really care about her." "But I-" Fergal cut her off, elevating his voice, "BUT nothing! Don't even try and justify this. She is supposed to be one of your best friends, close like sisters even. And you do THIS?! Thank god you don't actually have a fucking sister, Mercedes. You'd probably try to steal her guy too! I can't believe this. I ignored her. I ignored Pam's worry and concern that you were being a homewrecker and I am the FUCKING asshole of the year. Because of YOU. I've had nightmares, yes. Nightmares about having sex with you and cheating on Pam. Why? Because you got so nestled in my head that I couldn't get it out. And now I learn that you really do want to take me from Pam." Mercedes was in the wrong here. She tried to ruin a relationship and one that involved two of her best friends in the whole world.. Well correction; two of her FORMER best friends in the entire world. She however can't control who she falls in love with, and to her credit, Fergal was single at the time. As a matter of fact, almost all the girls in NXT at the time had a crush on him. He was the nicest guy in the whole company, and he was in amazing shape. What was there NOT to like? Mercedes began to cry, "I-I'm sorry Fergal! I didn't.. I.." Fergal shook his head, if you want a scale of his anger represented by colors? It went from a bright, vibrant red.. Down to a grey.. "I.. understand. Okay Mercedes? Your heart wants what your heart wants. But for fucks sake.. Use that brain inside your head. I love Pamela. I want to marry her. I PROPOSED to her.. I want to have babies with her and grow old as fuck with her. Why.. No, how can you call yourself a friend, how can you call yourself a woman and do that to your friend?" Fergal shook his head in stunned disbelief. It was at this time that Mercedes began to sob, violently. She felt horrible of course. She has made mistakes in her life, and the biggest one was fucking up this friendship. It turned out that Colby was a borderline sociopath, she tried to fuck her engaged friend, and she lost someone who was like a sister. "I should g-go." She spoke in a broke, teary voice. Standing up quickly Mercedes walked over to the door, "G-Goodbye Fergal."  He stood slowly as she grabbed the door knob. Fergal being Fergal felt guilty. He didn't like making anybody cry and never wished bad things upon anyone. Shaking his head he approached her cautiously. Her mind raced and she released the door knob quickly, turning to face him.

    Fergal inhaled deeply. "Look.. After this? We.. We cannot be friends anymore. Neither can you be friends with Pamela. I have to tell her this, Mercedes. I will do my best to not make you seem like a malicious bitch.." Mercedes nodded at his words, understanding exactly what she had done and she deserved to be screamed at and crying. "I'm sorry I ruined our friendship, and I hate myself.." She began to scratch her forearms, digging her nails in very slowly and dragging them down. He grabbed her hand and held it, "Stop it." Putting it back to her side. Fergal was now scared of what Mercedes would do to herself once she was alone. "Please take care of yourself. Don't do anything stupid. Okay?" Fergal whispered. Opening his arms up for one more hug. Again, Fergal was not a monster.. He felt bad for making her cry. "I'm gonna miss you, Fergal Devitt.." He didn't say a word and held her for a moment. After a minute she let go and looked up at him. She had a dumb thought but quickly got rid of it. She turned and opened the door, "Goodbye.." "Bye Mercedes." She closed the door and she left. He audibly heard crying in the hallway and it was so loud it made him feel like absolute dirt. He couldn't offer her to come back obviously, she deserved what she got. Fergal grabbed his phone and called Pam. "Hello? Baby? Are you alright??" Pam answered in one swift question. Fergal cleared his throat, "There's somethin' I need to tell you. I'll be at the arena in ten."