Turn It Up

I Am My Scars

The party went over quite well. And even though Fergal and Pam were traveling for quite some time beforehand, they were up extremely late with their friends having an absolute blast. They played little games, drank alcohol, ate food. Typical party stuff. Fergal was more amazed that everyone managed to get there in time before they got home. Pam woke up the next morning and felt like.. Like a peaceful little soul. There was nothing that could bother her this morning and she only could have hoped that Fergal didn't drink too much. They were set to have a relaxing day in their new house and enjoy it together. It was almost nine in the morning, and Pam thought it be right to wake Fergal up. Afterall, days off were that of a myth now a days. She slowly moved her body over and mounted him, her legs were on either side of him and she wiggled her hips gently on him. "Wakey wakey baby boy." Fergal was not the heaviest sleeper, Pam was the one who could be in a fight, screaming with someone and being screamed at and still fall fast asleep and not wake up. She grinded on him more, "Wakey.. Wakey.." Leaning down and kissing his forehead, Fergal's eyes slowly peeled open and he was met with a most pleasant of sights. There sat Pam, on his lap, her short shorts were riding up her thighs and he rubbed them now, showing he was awake. "Well.. Multiple things are awake right now.. How are you babe?" Fergal smiled, a sleepy cute little smile and Pam giggled as she continued to sit on him. "I feel incredible. Like that party last night got rid of so much stress that I was holding onto it really felt.. Amazing. I actually feel kinda horny right now. Care to help?" Pam's request made Fergal squirm a little bit, Pam was not normally the kind of girl who came right out and said things like that, it was typically something that she often felt frequently, but she never openly said it like that. Fergal's hands gravitated to her butt, squeezing it gently and making Pam visibly flustered. "H-how can you go and grab my butt like that.. You know how much I freakin' love it.." Pam chose to fight fire with fire, she rolled her hips on top of him attempting to tease him right back. It worked to a certain extent. Fergal had a lid on his sexual desire however. He knew when and where to let go. Right now was not one of those times however.. Fergal gently swatted her butt. "I think you enjoy being teased though.. And I enjoy doing it." He added, as Pam blushed like mad now, biting down on her bottom lip fiercely. "I do love it. But there has to be a pay off for it.. I need it. I need it really badly." Pam was a needy girl right now and Fergal didn't need to even open his eyes to see this. He did however open his eyes, and see Pam and she was spinning. "Whoa.. I can't open my eyes.. Nope.. Not gonna happen." Fergal, perhaps drank just a little too much last night and he was definitely feeling the effects from it. Pam leaned down and laid lightly on top of him, not wanting to add too much pressure.. "Is this comfortable for you too babe?" Pam whispered quietly as Fergal softly rubbed her back. "Yeah.. Your boobs feel good on my chest." Fergal whispered back and Pam giggled, "My boobs are obnoxious."

    Fergal continued to rub her back, there was that insecurity thing that Pam battled with, "No. They are not. Your boobs are perfect. YOU are perfect.. End of story." He very slowly kissed the top of her head and Pam was going to resist.. "I don't think I'm anywhere near perfect. I don't have a nice butt, nor am I small with blonde hair and blue eyes." It was very clear where her insecurity stemmed from, and it was also very, VERY clear who's face was attached to it. "Excuse me?" Fergal was no longer whispering, and he was actually slightly frustrated..

    Pam was filled with regret, she let her mouth yet again flap too much and wind up getting herself into some form of trouble. She froze, no longer moving and even her breathing slowed almost to a halt. The hour was no longer a happy one, she awaited Fergal to go off on her and peel straight into her over that. And she honestly didn't have to wait very long. "I don't understand why you have to say bullshit like that Pamela. I really don't understand. Here I am praising the fucking ground you walk on and you come at me with yet another jab towards Lexi. Nobody was talking about a blonde haired blue eyed short girl. And again, nobody was saying she is perfect. Because there is only one perfect person to me, and that one person is you. So honest to god I can't stand when you pull some shit like this." Fergal felt frustration levels go from zero to a thousand. He hated when Pam did shit like this, the insecurity thing was one thing, but when it comes to putting a repeating face to your problems.. It grows hard to have patience for it. Honestly it is the hardest thing to deal with when no matter what you say it never winds up being good enough, there always is some kind of bullshit to say and you begin to question whether the insecurity is self inflicted or not. If you ever are uncertain about something like that, or you find yourself unhappy. Pretend, honestly pretend that you are secure, or that you are happy and your mind will be tricked into believing it, and in most cases you wind up actually feeling that way in a matter of relatively short time. But Pam? No matter what Fergal said to her it didn't matter. It didn't matter if he literally kissed her ass and feet, she would still think some garbage thought like, 'Mm. Bet you'd rather kiss Lexi's ass.' And it really became exhausting to deal with. He loves her and only her. Yet whenever he praises her and tries to show how much he appreciates literally EVERYTHING about her? Rejected. Doubted. Fought on. It always is something, and it makes Fergal feel like his words mean literally nothing to her. Hell, after that? Fergal began to think if Pam was also doubting the fact that he loves her, that he wants to marry her. Does she think he would rather marry Alexis or Mercedes? Because even after ALL Mercedes has done to the two of them, Pam can't let the fact go that Fergal was, once upon a time, best friends with her. But does Fergal pull out the same fucking petty card and say, 'Well at least I didn't have to go and fuck my ex because I can't control my fucking self.' No, of course he didn't say something that moronic. Because two petty people in a relationship are literally doomed to fail. "I'm sorry Fergal. I didn't. I didn't mean to say that." Pam tried to mend the wound she has inflicted upon the morning and Fergal had two choices here; Either accept the apology and move on, or continue badgering the point home that he was sick of this. Pam's emotional scars were becoming her.. She was her scars at this point and she could no longer hide it from him, or even the rest of the world.

    The first option felt a lot more appealing. "It's fine. Just knock it off. Honestly. I am so sick and tired being made to feel like my words mean dick to you. Leave Lexi out of any kind of conversation that has nothing to do with her. She literally wasn't even being talked about, at any point this morning. How are you still so insecure over her? Do you want me to just not fucking talk to her? Cut her off? What do you NEED from me." Fergal was like a boiling over tea kettle. Once the loud screeching started, it just continued and the heat only amplified the more he thought about it. Pam could physically feel his heart rate rapidly increasing. "I don't know. Just forget I said anything, please calm down.." Pam was trying to plead with him to relax so their day off would not be tarnished by one stupid, irresponsible comment. Fergal shook his head, "I'm fine. Let me up." Pam refused to move. "No. I'm not moving until I know you're okay."

    "Pam, please get off of me." Fergal requested, he didn't want to get nasty with Pam, and he would NEVER. Pam however, made herself weigh more, positioning herself on top of him so that she would have to be physically picked up in order to be moved out of the way. Fergal moved his head up so he could see how he possibly could get out of this mess he was in. He looked at her legs to see where they were and took note of something hilarious. "Those shorts are riding so far up, literally your butt is falling out." Fergal laughed quietly and Pam sighed, "What are you gonna do about it? Hm? Put my ass away? Aww.. Is someone uncomfortable with all this butt near them? Too bad. Still not moving." Pam fought back her own laughter now, that kind of confidence in her body pertaining to sexual things was rare. But when it happened? It was like a double rainbow, or a unicorn. Fergal moved his hands and grabbed her bare butt now, "I can just tease you until you lighten up.. And then roll your sexy ass over.." Fergal had a plan, and his plan was now public. "You can try, but victory is mine!" Pam flexed her butt so it would be harder for Fergal to grab a handful. The only problem for Pam is that she had too much butt to hide all of it. She felt a certain feeling nestle into her tummy, his massaging of her butt felt amazing and she could hardly resist the urge to moan loudly. Pam lifted her head and looked right into his eyes, "I'm sorry I said that. I don't even know what came over me to say some dumb shit like that.. I love YOU.. I appreciate everything you say about me.. P-please stop with the butt. I can't handle anymore. But.. Please forgive me. I don't wanna have a bad day.. Mama bear is really sorry.." Pam bit down on the inside of her cheek after she spoke, Fergal could feel the sincerity in her voice, and stopped massaging her butt.. "I forgive you. Just please, for the future.. Try to remember all we've done together, all we've promised.. Remember these things. For they are more true and hold more meaning than they ever have. I want nobody else, a short blonde girl with blue eyes? I don't fucking care. I have a taller, sexy, curvy brunette with deep, beautiful brown eyes." Pam blushed and hid her face in the crook of his neck. This was Fergal's moment, he moved his hand to her thigh and used it as leverage, flipping to her her back and now she couldn't hide her face. "Please promise me you won't feel that way anymore. About anyone, or anything.. I can't stand when I know my words and feelings mean absolutely nothing to you. You are my everything. Without you, my body would collapse in on itself. I can't do this without you. This life thing requires you in order for me to work." Fergal's words touched Pam's heart and she nodded. "I won't say it anymore.." Her tummy rumbled as she spoke, and Fergal laughed. "Wanna have pancakes this morning?" Fergal's words made Pam smile, "I'd love some of your pancakes baby boy." He slid off and assisted her upright.

    Pam fixed her shorts, "Wow.. My butt was entirely out, wasn't it?" She laughed and Fergal nodded, "Aye. But I wasn't complaining to be honest." The two went downstairs to start their day off together. For tomorrow was back on the road, the grind began anew and Pam was returning from injury, and she was hoping the fans would be a little warmer to her return than they were around the time of her departure. Fergal had a nagging thought in his head that was surely set to create a fun little scenario. They needed to discuss wedding plans. So much bullshit has been stirring around them that it has been damn near impossible to focus on something as important as their wedding. But alas, Fergal was determined to talk about it with her, perhaps not today, or even tomorrow. But someday soon.. Their future must be discussed.