Turn It Up

Intervention

It was getting time for questions to be asked, time for things that weren't clear to become clear. The future is a dark and scary place when partnered up with uncertainty. This was not a good time to be living in, everything felt as if it was tossed up in the air and wherever things landed, they landed. Nothing was going to be able to fix or change how fate was going to play out. Having faith in something that you didn't even know if it were possible.. That really is a terrifying feeling. Pam knew just what this was like when it came to work, as well as Fergal. She was slipping slowly into a purgatory like state in which the only way out was unknown. There was no clear way to break free from her nightmare, it started out with a dream, a nice.. Calm.. gentle dream.. But now it had devolved into a nightmare. Too bad she couldn't wake up from her dream, for if you linger too long it turns right into what you fear most. Pam was getting visibly ill, not ill in the sense of her throwing up constantly, or even having a cough or fever. No, visibly ill as in her skin became more and more pale, her body became.. Frail looking, like a strong wind would blow and she'd physically crack. This stress from work as well as being petrified of losing Fergal to someone else was taking its tole on the poor woman in the worst of worst ways. She also had to worry about her friends too, whom she never really got in contact with, her mental state right now demanded she stay as isolated as humanly possible. The sad truth is Pam needed people with her right now to save her from her eternal peril, but she struggled to allow them to even communicate with her. Work literally went from week to week, town to town, as Fergal's star grew, and this angle involving Saraya, and Colby played out? Her star was dying. The fans were growing restless to see the residential hugger come out and make everything feel all better. But the WWE was not providing them with her. Pam often found herself looking at her phone, at old pictures with her friends.. Happy times.. April.. Leah.. Lexi.. Rebecca.. All of them were doing so well for themselves, it almost deterred Pam even texting them to say hi.. God forbid she rubs even the smallest bit of this plague off on them and infects them with the disease of depression.

Fergal did notice this change in Pam's demeanor. It wasn't hard to see, you can't really go from the happiest person in the locker room, to the most quieted and tormented person in the locker room and not expect SOMEONE to notice. Sadly, Pam and Mercedes were falling out yet again, the lack of communication worried Mercedes, but she did not want to intrude on her. The thought process was she was hated by so many people for so many reasons.. Why on earth would she ever want to show her face to Pam ever again? Ashley (Charlotte) was busy being a top heel in the company, having little time for even Rebecca, whom she was in deep rooted relationship with. Pam was struggling to find the balance between making others happy, and suppressing enough of her pain to not let anyone else worry about her. But with the virtual loss of all of her friends, to her worry about her future with WWE, to worrying about her future with Fergal even. It was amazing that Pam could even roll out of bed each morning to even COME to work. Nonetheless be a fraction of the person she used to be. Pam was guilt tripping herself everyday for the things she has done to Fergal, the fight about Mercedes, the constant nagging about sex/sexual things happening.. She felt just horrible, there was no other way she could feel. Taking full blame for everything in the quiet, dark depths of her own mind was not a good idea, Pam's mental health was the worst that it has been in years, and the decline would not stop..

How does one forgive their own actions when they feel a justified sense of doom and take full blame for all problems? How does one get over an issue that they felt like wouldn't have happened if their mouth never opened? How does one even begin to talk about what is going on inside of their mind once you've ridden down this dark path for so.. So long.. Pam could not talk to her WWE superiors about her work issue, they would probably view it as her bitching yet again and shun her down to fucking NXT for all she knew. She couldn't go over and talk to someone like Leah, who was having the time of her freaking life over on SmackDown.. It just wasn't in the cards to drag someone down to the dark depths of her inner fears during the highlight of her career/life. Check off everyone else too. Possibly Lexi or April could help Pam, but then again Lexi is champion and having an absolute blast doing it.. And April is busy with not only Jon, but her other work that she's involved in. Fergal had a signing to go to on this particular day, a day in which Pam had NOTHING to do. So what did she do? Obvious, she did what any person who was being tormented by their own fears and doubts.. She did what anyone who was struggling to put one foot in front of the other.. Nothing. She sat at the edge of the bed with her knees curled up close, her scary, far more pale skin tone really sent a message to anyone who saw her. Fergal couldn't get that thought out of his head, he was helpless feeling. For hours about two nights ago he sat awake, trying to talk to his love, trying to get her feelings out and was met with a brick wall. Was their connection.. Dying? Was this how most relationships went? When something like this happens, it really cannot be overlooked. For this was classing relationship deterioration and it was happening right under their feet. Pam knew this was not good, but had no clue how to even begin to fix what the problem initially was. Nor did Fergal, his signing was going pitifully for him, he could hardly crack a smile to pose with fans and luckily they knew he was a shy person, so they didn't mind as much. Meanwhile in Planet Pam, her thoughts were tearing her apart from the inside out. She stood up and stumbled immediately, feeling a little bit dizzy at this point. She walked passed the big body mirror that stood in the hotel room. It was there that Pam had a horrible idea. She raised up her shirt to expose her body and saw it was.. Frail looking. Her normally thick midsection to her looked just shitty, all that hard work she put in for years was apparently dying away and she was the sole cause.