Mother Earth // Bellamy Blake

Breathe • 73

When I woke up, the first thing I saw was Bellamy. He was sitting down right next to me. I sat myself up which made him realize that I was awake.

We both looked at each other and Bellamy spoke, "I shouldn't have yelled at you like that." He looked guilty and sorry.

"You were upset over Octavia," I said back to him. I had to let him know that I understood it.

"Still," he said to me. He really didn't like himself for shouting in my face. He paused before speaking again. "I can't save her if she doesn't want to be saved."

I pulled him into a hug, we both needed it. If the end really was near, there would be no one else I'd want it to end with. Bellamy was everything to me.

Bellamy and I sat next to each other for a while. I was checking on my stitches and told Bellamy about the leaves I put on it. He was so interested in it, Bellamy had always cared about learning the random stuff I knew.

Once I finished up, Bellamy spoke, "Jaha is doing a memorial outside for those we lost to the rain. I'm going to go."

I could tell he wanted me to come, he just didn't want to ask too much from me with my leg still healing. I no longer had sharp pain though, it was just sore so I didn't hesitate in telling Bellamy that I'd join.

When we got outside, eighteen bodies were in bags. They were being put on a panel of wood to be burned. Jaha saw Bellamy and I arrive in front of him along with other members of Arkadia. He began to speak, "I know it took courage to be outside with us today. To stand together now in the face of grave danger and grave tragedy. We honor the lives we have lost. May we meet again."

"May we meet again," I said along with the rest of the crowd. Jaha's voice no longer bothered me the way it used to. I still did not think much of him, but my hatred towards Jaha did simmer down. Seeing him light the bodies up with a torch made me think of my mother's grave. I haven't even gone to see it since I got back because of the rain.

"I need a minute," I whispered to Bellamy and began walking off. I went in the direction of the old grave site. The dirt was charred and there were large pieces of debris everywhere. The explosion of the Ark made a mess of the place I tried so hard to make beautiful. When I had the time to take care of the graves, I did. I actually ended up planting wild flowers to cover all the dead's graves. Now there was nothing left of that.

As I approached where my mom was, I couldn't even see her grave. There was an insanely massive metal beam right on top of it. The sight made me sob instantly. Instead of colorful flowers covering her body, it was burned metal from a ship she never wanted to live on.

Rage boiled inside me as I marched towards it. I cried as I pushed the beam without it budging. I knew I would never be able to move this in a million years, but I couldn't stand the thought of that. I wanted it off of my mom.

"Kota," Bellamy's voice was coming from behind me but it sounded distant. I didn't think he would follow me, but apparently he did. I stopped pushing on the metal and switched to hitting at it.

"Kota stop," Bellamy's voice grew closer. I could hear myself crying as I attempted to punch the beam with a closed fist. Bellamy wrapped his arms around my stomach and pulled me back before I could land my swing. He spun my body around quickly to make me face him.

"Breathe Kota, breathe," Bellamy told me when he realized how bad I was panicking. My chest was moving irregularly. My breathing was extremely erratic. I moved my eyes to Bellamy's chest and watched as it rose and fell. I forced myself to make it the only thing I thought about right now. I just had to match his chest and I would be okay. Bellamy's grip loosened, but stayed on me, when he saw me starting to calm down. He pressed his soft lips onto the top of my head.

"Breathe, my beautiful girl," Bellamy said with a comfortable whisper. Him calling me what my mom always called me was soothing. It did the opposite of sending me into a spiral, it actually made me feel a little peaceful.

—

I spotted Jasper in the mess hall and left Bellamy's side to go talk to him. Everyone in here was drinking moonshine and partying. There was music and dancing, I was kind of surprised by it.

"Look who's coming for a drink," Jasper said with a smile as I got over to him.

"I don't know about that," I half smiled at him.

"Come on, if anyone needs one it's you," Jasper justified me having one. He was already pouring me a cup of moonshine.

"Fine," I gave in without much of a fight and took the cup from him. It was the end of the world anyways. I took a few sips of the burning liquid.

"In ten days you won't have to think about anything that's happened on Earth again," Jasper chirped out. It made me realize how close we were to death.

"You seem okay with it," I pointed out as I took another sip.

"I'll finally have peace," Jasper confirmed. "You died before, what was it like?"

I felt my body stiffen at his question, no one besides Bellamy has really asked me that question before. After another sip I told him, "I saw what I wouldn't want to see if I actually did die. The City of Light is not what I envisioned death to be."

"The City of Light was nice," Jasper refuted. "It actually made me feel like I was okay."

"I would have rather seen my parents again," I said back to him. I honestly didn't even know what the City of Light was really like, it felt like I was only there for a second.

"I think she slept with like five dudes in the City of Light," Jasper laughed out. I looked over to where he flicked his head and saw a blond girl talking to Bellamy. He looked like he was not having it. I laughed as I turned back to Jasper and drank the remainder of my cup.

Jasper started to laugh harder as he continued to watch Bellamy and the girl, "she's heated she got rejected."

"I don't know what she expected honestly," I told him. A few moments later, Bellamy was standing beside us. I held my cup out to him. "Want some?"

He hesitated before grabbing it from me, Jasper poured more moonshine in with a smile. My eyes landed on a bowl full of Jobi nuts and I realized that half the people in here were probably hallucinating off of them right now.

I looked back to Bellamy to see him already refilling the cup. I mean if we were all going to be dead within a few days, we might as well have a little bit of fun.