DREAM KINGS (Shawn Mendes x Harry Styles)

C h a p t e r [118]

I sigh with my teeth clenched as I walk to the bed. Mind's filling up with different thoughts. I sit and stared blankly on the floor. Something feels empty inside me, I have been trying to move on for almost a year and somehow I did, until pieces of him starts to merge out of nowhere.

Tippy talking about him was the first one, it al went back. Second was when the news came, and it's all about him. Third's at the movie theater where he sung the ending part of that romantic movie and his name flashing on the big screen. Fourth's when we got back and again, mom was excited for us to see the news that was just all about him again. What hurts the most is finding out he's already found someone else; without closure I can hold on to, I feel so betrayed.

Coming home was a bad idea, I guess? Everything just reminded me of him and these tears are ruining my vision. I can't see clearly, my eyes feels burning and swelled up, I need to stop before I give myself the harm it doesn't deserve.

He has a girlfriend. He's taken. He's left me for another girl, is that it? Is that his reason that he wants me to understand?

I lay down, for now, I'm just gonna let myself feel miserable but after this, no one will ever see me. I'm gonna go back to work tomorrow, back to my apartment, the the new place where I'm living. My boss would be surprised as to why I came back early, sucks for my reason but I just can't take all of what is happening. I'm gonna stop using my phone, gonna stop watching the TV, if I am, I'm gonna be watching horror movies and cartoons. I'm pretty much sure he won't be singing in horror movies nor cartoons.

I look up at the ceiling and feel how my body temperature rose to high heat after all those crying. My body's sweating too, my nose's stuffed and I feel incredibly tired.

Tomorrow, I swear that it is my final step. Everything about him will be left behind. I'm gonna spend months fortifying myself. I'm going to make myself stronger after everything that's happened today.

Betrayal and Lies. Whatever reason he's got, I don't think I have the critical thinking to understand and what I said about I'll love him whatever happens, I think I can't hold on to that stupid statement anymore. I have to leave that memory too, here, in my room, tomorrow.

I fell asleep, I didn't even know how, I just knew I'm not in reality. Dark place with only one light shedding upon me, place is familiar, it's like I've been here before.

"May.."

And that voice too. I've heard it. I look around with my heart ripping apart, I know I'm not ready to see him, even though this is just all my mind's work.

"May.." he repeats.

"Stay back." I said, "Don't come any closer!"

"It's.. it's been so long.."

"NO! I don't want to see you!"

"I know.."

"Leave me alone! You lied to me!"

"I would never lie.."

"You already did."

"I'm sure I have an acceptable reason."

"Like what?! Getting yourself a girlfriend? Knowing that you already have one?!"

He didn't speak, the Shawn in my dreams seems like he knows what is happening in the world of reality.