A/N: this story is based on the after light the third book in the darkest minds series all the rights go to Alexandra bracken.
Air caught stuck in my throat as I felt my mind going back to the tunnels in Los Angeles.
You aren't there this isn't Los Angeles... Youre in Toronto above ground these aren't the tunnels... The tunnels where Connor died...
I pulled myself from the floor walking over to the door bumping into a wall trying to find my balance. all along quite listening to what Brian was saying.
"Y/n?" Aaliyah's voice sounded dull echoing far away, even though I just sat next to her.
I inhaled shapely coughing it out pressing my hand against the cold damp wall find support at it stared walking towards the closed exit.
"Miss y/l/n where are you going?!" Brian's voice hit me like a stamping knife.
"I need to... I need some air..." I pushed the door open light hit my face almost blinding me I didn't care I need to get out of here.
I started jogging towards the gate of the building.
"Y/n?"
I kept walking ignored his voice
"Y/n!"
I didn't stop almost reaching the gate.
"Y/n hey stop for a second." He grabbed my arm turning me to him.
"Just let go of me!" I pushed him away sinking to the ground.
Before my knees hit the ground he catches me carefully hosting me to his chest.
My mind told me to pull away to create distance between us just like I did when I met him.
But my heart was longing for protection a warm chest to lean into a voice calming me down from this nightmare.
"You're okay honey."
I shook my head trying to calm down, but when I did I felt the silence the loneliness. I feel alone just like Connor must have been. he hated silent he hated being lonely he hated it, and he died alone.
Shawn placed his cold hand onto my neck pulling away some baby hair from my skin.
"Breathe in nice and slow."
"I can't."
"Of course you can." He smoothes my hair back, sounding so calm.
How can he be calm in a moment like this?!
"I have to..." I stand up just for a few seconds before gravity took me down again.
"You don't have to do anything... Not for now." Shawn grabbed my hands placing them against his chest, the thumping of his heart slammed through my palms making it feel like I had a dubble pulse.
He was trying to make me feel better but the double pulse distracted me from everything, my head was spinning making it impossible to focus.
"You don't have to do anything... Everything is fine." He rubbed circles on my back.
But you don't know... you don't know anything...
"Y/n! Shawn, what's wrong with her?" Another hand rested on my shoulder.
"Just leave her alone! Just... Just go okay I got this."
"I got a water bottle in case she needs it."
"Thanks brian."
Brian walked back the door flames through my head, I shunk in.
Shawn wrapped his arms around me pulling me to his lap.
"What happened, are you okay?"
"It's just..." I didn't get the words out he just whoyosnt understand he wasn't there he doesn't know what brian said to trigger the memories. He didn't know Connor as I did. He didn't know anything, he wouldn't understand what I'm going through.
"It just was a little too much all of a sudden." I smiled hoping that he would be satisfied with the answer.
He studied me for a while not saying anything.
"How long is this happening already how long did you hide this from me?" He sounded disappointed.
I couldn't seem to find a proper answer.
"What happened back there in the meeting?"
"It doesn't matter you weren't even there why would I tell you?"
"I left because these meetings are stupid I didn't just run off from my responsibilities." He ran his hand through his hair.
"I didn't run off..."
"I didn't mean it that way I understand you need to be there but if it's getting too much for you, you have to tell brain he'll understand."
"I don't wanna talk about this!" I turned my back to him raising my ones towards me.
"Y/n seriously what happened?" He reached out for me, only for me to back away.
"Y/n please you're scaring me."
"I'm sorry I'm so sorry." Tears welled up in my eyes.
"Aww honey, why are you... Are you crying?"
"Sorry."
"It's okay come here." He opened his arms taking me in squeezing me softly.
