SHAWN'S POV
"Well I've been writing something it's still pretty rough not finished but I have something at least". I say down onto my knees in front of me was her grave.
God, I miss you...
I looked at her stone beautiful smooth black covered in flowers.
LINA BLACKS
AUGUST EIGHT 2000/ JULY FOURTH 2019
lina was my girlfriend since I was fourteen she was my first everything. And was my everything.
She was beautiful dark tinted skin beautiful green eyes and cute curls she was perfect.
I lost her because of suicide, she jumped off a bright while I was on the stupid fourth of July party with my friends. She told me she was unstable all along and with the risk and suppression of black people, it only was worst for her, when she was nine someones called the police on her because she calked 'black lives matter' on the street.
I'm trying to move on to forget her but I just hold on hold onto the memories craved inside of my heart. But I can't change it I know she won't come back I know she wants me to move on. So I try.
"I think I should go now I love you". I smiled sadly kissing my hand pressing it to her stone. Leaving behind the flowers i bought for her.
I pulled my earphones in and turned on the version I made from the song softly humming the tune
Writing songs has been hard for me that last year i want my fans to get good songs and i feel like shit myself i can't do that to them.
"Hey bro". Brain leaned against the gate when I walked out of the graveyard.
"Hey... Thanks for waiting".
"No problem". He smiled.
I looked at my lock screen to the green eyes of lina a big smile on her face.
That smile
"I miss her man". I rubbed my face.
"I understand i miss her too maybe not as much as you but i miss her too". He looked down.
"I think i have a new song". I tried to cheer him but most likely me up.
The song is about losing somebody i made it as lighthearted as i could because i dont want people to worry about me. I wanna make it upbeat like if I can't have you, silencing the sadness a little.
"That's amazing. wanna ask Andrew if we can go to the studio?".
"Just wait I'm not really done yet".
Back home i grabbed my guitar to calm myself down a bit music is really the only thing that has kept me sane the past year. It gives me the calmed i can't seem to find in meditation.
I made another lyric up in my mind for my song.
"When the sun ran out I knew that you felt down I tied to help you but even i had my doubt... If i could help you because i'm just human too if i could i would do it but i'm feeling down too... I'm feeling down too".
I wrote it down on my phone notes stumbled over a note I wrote in October last year when I had a bad show.
I completely forgot about this...
I SOUNDED BAD TONIGHT.
MY THROAT MUCLS HURT TO MUCH IT FELT LIKE I WAS CHOKING
I'M ANGRY
I'M UPSET
It's OKAY
ITS JUST A DAY OF MANY
UTS BEEN HARD
It's OKAY
TOMORROW IS A NEW DAY
DONT TRY TO BE SUPER MAN
ITS OKAY TO BE HIMAN
HAVING REALY NEGATIVE THOUGHTS
HAVING DARK THOUGHTS
NOTICE THE THOUGHTS
NOTICE THEY ARE EMITONALPY DRIVING
THEY ARNT REAL
BREATH CALM DOWN
AND IF PEOPLE DOWN LIKE IT WHEN YOURE NOT SUPER MAN THAT'S NOT WHAT LIFE IS ABOUT
LIFE IS WHAT YOU PREATCH SHAWN
WHAT'S TREULY IMPORTTAND
BEING A GOOD HUMAN
YOU PREATCH IT. NOW LIVE IT.
MOVING ON NOW
thanks, October 2019 shawn
I set my alarm for tomorrow while walking to the bathroom brushing my teeth.
Scrolling through old videos of me and lina.
Ended up crying myself to sleep.
When my alarm went off the sun was already shining into my room which made me considering buying blinders one day.
I heaved myself up checking my phone to see insta being allowed up to my fans still went crazy about the fact that i put two hearts under my post.
I smiled at my screen reading all their theories about the next album.
I walked towards my closet picking out black jeans and my heaven shirt. Fixing my hair.
Walking into the living room radio softly playing on the background.
I poured some almond milk into a bowl them serial
First, i hated almond milk but i learned to go love it through lina she was vegan. I jumped onto the table sat down and played some more guitar.
