Y/N'S POV
When I felt his fingertips on my bare skin I pushed him away clawed to the headboard tried to catch my breath, amazed by his sudden act. He never was the touchy one even through our make-out sessions he most likely kept his hands close to my face and off my clothes. He never asked for that kind of affection.
He stood there with guilt in his eyes, he threw his hand up in surrender took a few steps back to give me space.
"Y/n I'm sorry I didn't mean it that way".
I saw the tears into his eyes climbing into the illuminate of the lamp standing on the drawer of our bed.
"I just... I was just a bit in shook"
"Sorry, I thought you were okay with it". His tears now running down his jaw, he walked back to me, took my hands cutting off my blood circulation.
"Please y/n forgive me please I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt you I love you and I can't lose you".
I stood up from his bed walked over to him, stood on my toes to reach his face. He lowered his head in exhaustion closed his eyes. I felt his breath on my cheeks.
"Hey, Shawn sssstt it's okay I'm not mad at you".
"I don't want you to feel uncomfortable with me".
I leaned my head to my left gave him a shy smile and took his hand.
"I'm not".
"I didn't even know why I did that"
I sigh looking at my feet.
I don't even know what I have to think about it...
This is so weird
Shawn twirled a piece of my hair around his finger. Rubbed the dead ends between his fingers.
"You really need to cut the ends once".
He probably said that to take away the tension. I quietly laughed but remained silent and zoned out.
"Hey, everything okay?". He kissed the top of my head.
I hummed in response. Slowly looked up at him.
"I don't know".
"What do you feel?".
"Confused".
"Yes sorry".
"No no with myself".
"Why?".
"I don't know okay it's all so confusing and overwhelming and weird".
Come here". He wrapped his arms around my back as I related my head against his chest, he rubbed my hack in slow movements, noticing that I put so much pressure on myself this year already and all my muscles are locked.
"It's okay Querido just relax".
"Shut up with the Portuguese babe".
"Que?.. Você conhecer eu te amo".
"I know, love you too". I stared into his eyes the color is always different in the morning they seem honey-like with a shade of gold when the day fully breaks through it's a soft caramel brown. And as the sun is setting more and more they turn from cherry nut to chocolate brown. Now in the night, his eyes were dark brown. A lot more intense and integrating than his caramel brown shade. He didn't really do anything but only at the look in his eyes I got scared and stepped back, stumbled over my own feet shawn grabbed my arm and dragged me back up, pulled me against his chest.
"Got you". He kissed my forehead, smooth back my hair. I pulled my hands on his chest played with the thin fabric of his blouse it hugged his arm muscles perfectly. My eyes traveled down to his stomach, his abs pressed against the fabric slightly showing through.
Shawn lowered his head to me, smiled while tracing his fingertips over my arm even so slightly like butterfly wings.
I looked up at him the moonlight reflected into his dark eyes. He raised his eyebrow stared at me with a warning glance in his eyes.
"Don't do that".
I look at him confused.
"Do what?".
"Stop biting your lip".
Wait did I?
I stopped screwing my underlip and looked down.
"Sorry I didn't want to...". I nervously pulled at his blouse. Taking it out if his jeans.
"It's okay Querido it's all okay".
I nodded sadly.
He wrapped his arms around my waist. Pressed his face into my neck left a few soft kisses there. His hands gazed down my back slipped under my hoodie, his warm hand smoothing my skin.
Okay, calm down calm down!
My heart tumbled dull in my ears, the sound of his breathing was far away like I was in a tunnel, my ears started ringing and the warmed from his body became unbearable overwhelming. I was shaking and he noticed it too.
"Querido hey you're shaking". He pulled away holding my hand.
"I'm scared".
"For what?".
"That I'm gonna ruin it".
"Hey, you won't".
"What if I'm not good enough?".
"Come on like I know what I was doing my first time".
"Yea...". I trailed off and looked down.
"Look we don't have to if you don't want to".
I quickly look up at him.
"No no no I want to".
He took my face between his hands and kissed me.
I started to unbutton his blouse in the kiss but it was really hard to open buttons while trying to focus on kissing. Shawn noticed my struggle and stopped kissing me looking down at me.
"Need help?".
"No, I can do it". I pressed my lips together in order to focus.
Shawn rolled his eyes and smiled at nu clumsiness.
He is as clumsy as me so we're even...
I gave up at one point I was trying for a half minute already to open a single button.
I leaned against his chest.
"O my God I'm sorry I'm so slow".
"It's all good Querido". He pushed me away slightly and undid the buttons let the blouse slide down his arms. I placed my hands on his stomach staring at his toned body.
"Hey, Querido chill I got you, I got you y/n".
He slightly tugged at the hem of my hoodie asking permission I let him take it off.
He admired me traced his hands over my shoulders to my arms. Finely taking my hands.
"Beautiful".
I kiss him too scared to put it in words what I wanted to say.
He smiled in the kiss swiping me off my feet carrying me to his bed laying me down softly kissing my forehead.
He stared into my eyes kissed my cheek.
"I...". He pressed his lips to my jaw
"Love" to my neck
"You" his lips trailed down my throat.
"So". He kissed my shoulder softly.
"So". His fingers slide down the straps if my bra, Unhooked it slowly.
"Much". He kissed my stomach softly.
He hovered above me started into my eyes.
"God, you're so fucking beautiful I can't believe you're here in front of me and your all mine".
This made me feel brave enough to unbuckle his belt and strip him down until his Calvin Klein's.
He inhaled deeply and slowly opened the button of my jeans. Striped me until I'm fully naked.
I hooked my fingers around his waistband and stripped him too.
He kissed me slowly made me forget everything for a second.
It doesn't matter where we will be in five years from now or even tomorrow.
This moment will be ours
