SHAWN'S POV
The winter breeze hit me as I stepped out of my car walking towards the studio, a car pulled up next to mine, the green military jeep I recognize that car everywhere I smiled when y/n leaped out of it. And started to laugh.
"Hey, mendes not funny".
It is".
"Gonna rip that head from your body once".
"Cute". I patted her head.
She pulled away from me fixed her hair.
"Anyway, have a release date already?".
I shook my head.
"Come on shawn, mendesarmy is waiting for so long you haven't even posted something on Instagram since you confirmed the album".
"I just want it to be perfect, I promised them that I will make songs we're they can truly fall in love with".
"You've been in the studio almost every day every hour don't take it too hard on yourself your music is already perfect and they will love it".
"Thanks, y/n but I feel like there is something missing in it. they deserve the world you know".
"I know".
I opened the door for her and walked in behind her.
Brian and Zubin broke out in laughter when they saw me then quickly turned back to brian's phone.
"What are you guys doing?" Y/n walked over to look at the screen and broke out in laughter too.
"What is it?".
Brian turned his phone to me as I saw an edit a fan, made 'everything that has gone wrong during tour'.
Forgetting the lyrics from fallin' all in you, falling or tripping, laughing my ass off while trying to meditate, trying to pronounce the city good and when I forgot to pull up my zipper at the Toronto show.
I smiled sadly letting come in the good memories.
I miss the tour...
Y/n noticed my sadness put her arm over my shoulder
"What is it mendes?".
"He is sad because you never can take his clumsiness away".
"Not funny brian" y/n rubbed my back to comfort me.
"I miss my fans I miss being with them". I looked at my wallpaper from my phone, a photo I took with a fan's phone from the crowd on b-stage.
Y/n rested her head on my shoulder.
"Don't be sad next album will be amazing and we can always stare earlier with tour".
"Can we?".
"I can ask Andrew".
At that moment Andrew walked in.
"Shawn y/n finely lets start".
I saw down on the floor y/n sat on the sofa opposite me, started at the paper with lyrics.
"All those dreams that, one by one came true Felt like nothing, cause I wasn't with you, And tell me what that means, And tell me why am I dying, Thought this was what I needed, But that was a mistake... Shawn what do you even mean with this?".
I shifted my legs under me.
"Well see you think you got everything but you're still empty without the person you love and you keep asking yourself why you feel this empty".
"Why didn't you just wrote something with the word empty?".
"Because I don't want my fans to know I feel that way!".
That was a bit too rude...
"Sorry I didn't mean to make you mad".
"Y/n no fuck I'm sorry".
"It's okay".
"I just want my album to be perfect I can't disappoint my fans".
"Shawn, it's okay".
"No, it's not I didn't need to yell at you". I ran my hands through my hair.
"Shawn, it's all okay just calm down a bit".
My body stated so temper my heart rate started to speed up and a heavyweight pressed against my chest.
I rested my head against the body of my guitar. Trying to control my breathing.
Not now!
"Shawn?". Her hand reached out for my shoulders I pushed it away slowly.
"Just stop".
"What's happening Shawn?".
"Anxiety attack... It will be over soon".
"Are you sure is there anything I can do for you?".
"No y/n just let me".
Twenty minutes passed and still, I was struggling to get out of this anxiety attack. Normally it takes ten minutes for me to be calm again.
Y/n worried the most about me she was constantly holding my hands trying to keep me calm I didn't really work.
"Where is your medicine?".
"Home...".
"That's it I'm taking you home!".
"Y/n...".
"No, I'm taking you home".
She grabbed my hand tighter dragged me up and looked to my keys in my pocket.
We walked out her arm around my waist. I tried my best not to crush her with my weight.
She pulled me down in the passenger seat and ran towards the other side, she pulled the seat a lot closer to the steering wheel and started my car.
"Is it okay if I turn on the radio or is that too much for you now?".
"No, its okay music is good".
She turned up the music very low from my headaches.
She lay me down on the sofa I covered my forehead with my hand to suppress the headache.
Y/n walked over to the bathroom to grab my medicine.
"Thanks, y/n you're an angel".
"Always".
She sat on the edge of the sofa propped her knee under her.
"Y/n?".
"What shawn?".
"Can I cuddle you?".
"Uhm yes of course".
I wrapped one arm around her shoulder slowly dragged her to my chest pressed my chin on top of her head. Held her body tight.
She giggled quietly draw circles on the ink of the swallow on my hand. pressed the back of her head against my chest.
Stop you're gonna rip my heart open!
My heartbeat raised up and I got some weird fizzles in my brain.
"Are you all good now?".
"Yes". I pulled her even closer.
She turned around to face me removed the curl from my forehead, rested her arm over my shoulder, And smiled.
I smiled back stared into her beautiful eyes her glowing skin her flawless hair, her pink soft bump lips...
I leaned in and kissed a few inches next to her lips.
Fuck...
Fuck fuck fuck!
I got off from the sofa and ran towards the bathroom
"Shawn?!".
didn't want her to see me like this. I don't want her to know how I'm feeling I'm alone how just a little mistake can there me back onto anxiety mode
I collapsed on the cold bathroom floor. Literally feeling nothing I'm afraid to be alone again since I've lost too many loved ones in a short amount of time. Seeing them all flashing by. All their faces all gone.
Got I hate this!
I kept starting upwards the ceiling.
Trying to keep calm in some way. There was a loud bang on the door.
"Shawn?. Shawn can you open up this door?!".
"Y/n please go away I don't want to... I need to be alone".
"Shawn, you scare me please open the door".
I sigh looked up at the ceiling and slowly closed my eyes.
"Shawn?!".
I rolled onto the stomach and clawed towards the door opened it.
Y/n opened it slowly.
"O my God shawn are you okay?". She kneeled down next to me.
"I'm not...". I turned my back to her.
"Shawn don't push me away now!".
She heaved my head carefully and placed it into her lap. I lay my arm over my eyes didn't wanted her to me like this.
"I'm sorry...".
"Shawn don't be you didn't do anything wrong".
I pulled my arms away and stared at her.
"I...".
Take your medicine".
I shook my head. Remember Cameron's face he was one year younger than me. And had a lot of medical treatments. He was too young to die.
I don't wanna end up dead!
"What no?". Y/n pulled my curls from my forehead.
"It's a pretty calm medicine but never the less it's still is a medical thing".
She smiled caressed my cheek with her thumb in order to calm me down.
"I'm proud of you".
I smiled at her, took her hand and solid our fingers together.
"Y/n I want to tell you something that maybe sounds super weird and you don't have to respond with a positive answer, okay I'm rambling so what I wanted to say is...".
Before I could even say another word she pressed her lips on mine.
Wow...
I probed my elbow under me my other hand found her face cupped her cheek.
She smiled, ran her fingers through my hair. And slowly pulled away
"Was that what you wanted go tell me?".
"Well yes...".
"You could've just kissed me in the first place".
"I know but I was nervous".
She smiled and kissed my forehead
"Shawn, nervous means you care".
I smiled.
I don't need a medicine I need her she is my medicine.
The medicine
