Y/N'S POV
I threw my keys on the kitchen counter, kicked off my shoes. Let myself fall onto the sofa this day was drawing my energy I had to wake up at half-past five to finish a deadline then I needed to go at half-past seven to be at school at half-past eight.
I had classes until four I clock after that I went to a classmate and studied for four hours more.
Now I'm here half asleep at 8 I clock, completely stressed and tired. I scrolled through Instagram for endless time, passing time with stalking people. Suddenly a new picture popped up on my screen.
Fuck...
I lay my phone on the table instantly hoping it's not treu.
"don't let it be treu"
I looked at the picture on my screen vision blurry from my tears welling up. I didn't wanted to believe it was true, so I started and just started to see if there's a clue I could be fake I wanted it to be fake. I wanted it to be a joke just something that should be gone. But I'll be lying to myself if I said that it was fake.
It was truly on black and white well on-screen forever captured into the report of the internet.
I shook my head in disbelief tried to catch my breath which was lost into a wave of sobs.
I started at it once more and started to hyperventilate I pulled my head down between my raised up knees. Rested my hands on the back of my neck to suppress whatever blockade there.
"This can't be true I don't want it to be true I don't want it!".
"Y/n?". My cousin Scott walked in.
That only made me cry more his dark curs reminded me of him.
"Y/n why are you crying?". He sat next to me on the sofa completely confused.
I collapsed against his chest crying my eyes out I was broken. Broken and lost everything falls apart at the same time and I don't know how to get out.
He rubbed my back slowly trying to calm me down and stop crying because I'm sure that my neighbors think I saw somebody die in here.
"Hey, talk to me girl".
i just showed him my phone didn't even wanted to go tell him myself.
"O my God...".
"I don't want it, Scott".
"I know y/n but you can't change it it will be fine".
"It won't...".
"Of course, it will this won't last forever".
I sniffed and looked at my own screen in the picture.
My biggest nightmare came treu...
"Shawn's hand's on her face as he kissed her, seems not wanting to pull away soon.
With every second, my heart broke a bit more.
I knew deep inside this should happen once in my life. He isn't even mine
I wished he is!
Shawn is my best friend since secretary school we were since then like brother and sister inseparable from echt others, but now everything will change. Shawn isn't a person who just randomly kisses a girl, he committed something to her. Since he had a Crush on her in forever.
Isa, she is sweet but sometimes she seems too sweet too good to be true she can't be that way to everyone.
Sometimes it just pops up into mind that she is abusive many people say to me that it's just me that I'm jealous because I'm not here because I don't get to kiss the boy I love.
Maybe I am jealous...
That doesn't change the fact what I feel in my gut what my intuition tells me.
"Y/n?". Scott lay his hand on my shoulder.
"What?".
"You just seemed too caught up into your mind. What were you thinking about?".
"I think I love him".
"Who?".
"Shawn, I think I love Shawn".
"As in love, love ?".
I nodded my head slowly.
And now he is with Isa and "everything falls apart Scott".
"It's gonna be okay y/n it will be over in no time".
I shook my head and started crying again.
"No no, it's not because he loves her since he knows what love means and he will forget about me and leave me for her!".
"Hey, he won't you're his best friend!".
I stood up and walked away.
"I'm gonna sleep".
"Goodnight y/n".
I cried myself to sleep not wanting him to leave me.
I opened my eyes to see Scott's arms wrapped around my shoulder protectively he must have heard me crying.
I slowly slide out of bed. Put on some jeans and a hoodie. Walked out towards the hall put on my shoes and walked outside, towards the park.
The sun was rising low onto the lake clouds reflected into the water. Bird happily chipping sings. And he was here too...
Shawn
I walked towards the edge where he sat.
He heard me and turned around looking at me like I could break him down at any seconds.
"Y/n... Hey, come sit". He patted into the ground next to him.
"No thanks".
I stood there just a few feet away from him. Stared to the selection from the sun on to the water.
Shawn just looked in front of him.
"So...".
"So?".
"You saw it... On Instagram".
I tried not to start crying again.
"Y/n?". He turned around to see my pale face.
"Hey, are you okay?". He stood up and tried to hug me, but I stepped back not wanting to hug him at this point.
"What's wrong y/n?". He slightly touched my arm with just his fingertips.
I pushed him away rudely be stumbled back looked at me in disbelief.
"Hey tell me I'm your best friend, you can tell me everything you know that".
"It doesn't matter!".
"Don't say that, it makes me feel like you dont believe I care about you".
"Will you ever leave me... For her?!".
"What?".
"Will you leave me, Shawn, will you forget about me and move to another country with her and leave me alone here?!".
"No y/n I'll never leave you!".
I started sobbing, heavily leaning against his arm.
"I love you, Shawn".
"Love you too y/n".
He hugged me, tightly.
I know you do...
Shawn?".
Yes". He lay his chin on my head rocked us back and forth.
I have something to confess".
He pulled away from me instantly and grabbed my shoulders.
Don't say you did something stupid... Don't say you are pregnant".
What?. No, but...".
But?".
I didn't respond wasn't ready for his reaction.
"Y/n talk to me you are scaring me".
"I'm in love with you".
His eyes wide in disbelief.
"Sorry, Shawn". Tears formed into my eyes again.
"It's okay, it's okay y/n". He hugged me again rubbing my back.
"You love her don't you?".
"Isa? I do love her... So much".
"If she ever hurts you tell me okay?".
"If she will, I'll tell you".
"Some leave me".
"Sorry y/n I know you have separation anxiety and I know that didn't really help, I should be said it to you before the picture was posted".
"I just love you you know how hard it is to see the person you love kissing another?".
"I know sorry...".
"I mean did you never saw me?".
"Of course, I did".
"I was just another friend right?".
"No how can you say that of course not!". He wrapped his arms over my shoulders and hugged me.
"Just don't leave me".
"I won't I will never".
"I love you".
"I love you too y/n so much".
"I'm just afraid to lose you".
"You won't lose me".
"I hate sepetarion anxiety".
"I know it sucks".
Separation you anxiety...
