With You (Souyo)

Guilty Conscience

Yu's POV:

Shin closes the door behind us, and offers me a glass of water and some snacks. I politely decline, and make my way over to his bed.

He quickly pushes past me, straightening the covers before offering me a seat. I smile a little, sitting as he does the same.

"Uh," he says, with an awkward smile. "I, um, guess this is the last time we're ever gonna be like this, huh?" He looks me in the eye, pressing his hands together between his legs.

"What are you talking about?" I swallow whole.

"Turning myself in?" He frowns. "Did you... forget?"

"No," I shake my head harshly. "No, of course I didn't. Sorry, Shin... I just-"

"Hey, it's okay." He puts his hand on my thigh, smiling kindly.

Well, damn. He really does know how to make this harder, doesn't he?

"I'm just... glad to know that I'm atoning for what I did," he sighs, somewhat sad. "And, even though I won't see you for a long time... There won't be a day where you won't cross my mind."

"C'mon," I chuckle anxiously. "You're just exaggerating..."

He shakes his head with a weak smile. "I'm not, Yu. You'll visit me, right? Whenever you can. You'll tell me about school, and how your day has been. We'll talk all the time when I get the chance to use the phone."

No words escape my mouth.

He continues on.

"I mean, hopefully my sentence won't be too long... Then I can get out, and me and you can go somewhere fun. Hell, maybe we could even buy our own house together," he smiles.

"Shin," I whisper, but he doesn't hear me.

"It'll be like I never left, right, Yu? Me and you will always stay the same, no matter what life throws at us. It's gonna be tough, but I know you can hang on, just like me."

"Shin," I repeat, a little louder, this time.

"Hm?" He turns his head.

"Life isn't perfect," I mutter. "That's not all gonna happen."

"Got to have high hopes, right?" He laughs. But it's hollow — empty.

He can't do this. He can't go to prison. It'll wreck him. He won't last a moment. He's losing everything he's just got back. He won't cope.

Without thinking, I shuffle closer to him and hold him close to me. I know he's grateful, as he grabs my shirt to hold on to while he sobs.

"I can't do it," he whispers. "I can't, Yu. I'm not strong. I'm not brave. I'll die in there."

I open my mouth to speak, but I can't console him. All I can do is sigh.

He clings to me, as if trying to fit with me like a jigsaw piece. He keeps pulling himself closer. So close that I think I'm going to fall off the bed.

I put my chin on the top of his head, and look around the room – trying to think of something to say. But I can't. What can I say? He's killed someone. He drove irresponsibly; without a license, as well. Two crimes. How can I make him feel better about that?

After a couple of moments, he pulls away just a little – enough for him to look me in the eye. His eyes are watery and his nose is running a great lot, and he uses his sleeve to wipe it away. "There has to be another way," he whispers.

I swallow hard. Of everything, I was not expecting him to say this. To tell me he doesn't want to admit his crimes. It shocks me, I think, that he could be so selfish over this – over someone's life.