Choni One Shots pt: 2

279: The One With Grief

The picture above is the trailer Toni lives in.

TONI POV:

I put out the cigarettes with my foot and look at Cheryl as she walks up to my trailer. "That really isn't good for you." She says quietly. "Yeah, I don't really care about that these days." I tell her. She looks at me. "Get inside and take off your clothes and meet me in the bedroom." She smiles and walks inside. I pick up the cigarettes and throw it into the woods next to my trailer. I walk inside and close the door behind me.

"Who's Scarlet?" Cheryl ask looking at my tattoos. "My daughter." I whisper. She looks at me. "How old is she?" She ask smiling a bit and sitting up. "She would have been 7 this year." I say sadly. She looks at me. "We were in a car accident when she was 4 and she died on impact. She had this habit of unbuckling her seatbelt when I wasn't paying attention which was most of the time because I was driving. I noticed, I reached back to help her and we crashed." I explain. "I'm so sorry." She whispers. "How have you been taking it?" She ask quietly. "A 2 year court battle with the person who hit us. The woman was drunk when she hit us and her lawyers tried to make me look like an unfit mother. Backfired on her because she was the one who hit us and she had 7 kids all under the age of 18 except one, that she hasn't seen and only sees to drop another one off with the oldest! After that came out the court quickly released that I might now have been the best mother but I at least tried and this was one of those times." I explain. "I got the tattoo after she died." I tell her. I sit up. "I don't really want to talk about this. Not right now." I whisper. "I'm sorry." She whispers. "Don't, you didn't know." I say quietly. "We're just hooking up, you're not my girlfriend or anything do you don't really have to worry." I tell her. "I still care about you." I get up and grab my shirt. "I have shit to do. I'll see you later."

"You ok?" My mom ask as I help her with dinner. "Cheryl asked about Scarlet. She saw my tattoo." I tell her. "What's going on with you guys?" She ask me. "Mom, I don't think you want an answer to that." I whisper. "Fair." She nods. "Do you want more with her?" She ask quietly. "It might help you move on." She adds. "From what?" I ask quietly. "The fact that your daughter is gone and that you haven't heard from her dad since the you won the case." I look at her. "I don't think a relationship with Cheryl will help me process the fact that my daughter is dead and I'm still here." I whisper. "Would you rather not have a kid or have your daughter not have a mom, she doesn't get another one of you! If you really wanted to you could have another kid without forgetting her." She tells me. I look down. "I just want to hold her again." I say holding back tears. "Toni-." I stop her. "You don't know what it's like to lose a kid!" I tell her. "It's not your fault." I say quietly. "I did lose my granddaughter though." I sigh. "Yeah. You're right." I whisper. "I'm gonna go outside for a minute." I say quietly. I walk outside and try to breathe. I sit down on the steps.

I look at Cheryl as I put a shirt on. "You ok?" She ask quietly. "Why do people always ask me that?" I ask quietly. "Because you've been through a lot." I look at her. "Don't ask me that again." I tell her. "Why are you so against opening up?" She ask sitting up. "Why do you care?" I ask pissed. "Because clearly something is eating away at you!" She says quietly. "You're my booty call! I'm yours! We are supposed to fuck and not talk about it or our lives after!" I yell. "I'm going home, don't call me again." I whisper. "You need to confront your feelings!" She yells back. "You're not my therapist!" I practically scream. "Go home!" She says standing up. "Go be self destructive with something else! I don't want to watch your downward spiral!" I look at her. "Fuck you!" I say holding back tears. "You need to face your shit." She whispers. I storm out and go to my car. I get in and I don't leave. I just sit in the car. I sit back in the seat and cry. I don't know what else happened this night because next thing I know I'm waking up in my bed. I sit up freaked out a bit because I know I didn't get drunk and black out or anything like that because I don't drink. I hear noise coming from my kitchen so I get up to see what it is. I walk out and see Cheryl making coffee. "You're awake!" She says smiling. I nod. "Yeah!" I whisper. I look over and think I see Scarlet in her seat for a second. I shake my head and look at Cheryl. "What are you doing here?" I ask quietly. "Making sure you're ok." She says quietly. "Why?" I ask her. "Because last night after you left you knocked on my door in complete disarray." She tells me. I sit down at the small table. "You don't remember?" I shake my head. "No, last thing I remember is sitting in my car crying like a pussy." I tell her. She hands me a card. "What's this?" I ask looking at her. "The number to a therapist that deals with clients that have lost their kid. You need to sit down and talk to someone about this." She tells me. "You're going through some serious shit and it hasn't gotten batter clearly." I shake my head. "I don't need this. I need the woman who killed my daughter to die in jail! That's the only time I'll be ok." She looks at me.  "Go." She whispers. "It wouldn't hurt." She adds. I look at the card. "It's not going to bring her back." I whisper. "Why are you helping me like this?" I ask her. "Because I get more then you think." I look at her. "It's not the same but, my brother died in high school thanks to my father then he killed himself when people started to catch on. I don't know what it's like to lose your kid but I do get what it's like to lose someone so important to you that you would go to the ends of the earth to make side they're ok." She explains. "It's not the same, I know, but still I get can understand what it feels like. I watched my mom go insane because she lost her son." I take a deep breath. "I didn't know." She nods. "Yeah, because we're just fuck buddies." I look at her. "I was-." She stops me. "I know you were talking out of your ass in the heat of the moment. You're grieving. You have been for a while now and I think it's time you get help. She really helped my mom." She tells me. "I thought she went insane?" I say quietly. "Oh yeah! But she helped my mom not be as insane as she was before." She says quietly. "You don't have to do this." I whisper. "Haven't you noticed that there's more than a good fuck here?" She ask quietly. I look at her. "I really like you Toni, I want to get to know you." She whispers starting to sit down. I stop her. "What?" She ask quietly. "Scarlet always sat there." She nods and sits in the seat next to it. She looks at me. "You know, that explains the Star Wars placemat." I smile a little. "Yeah! Scarlet loved Star Wars! So my mom got her that when we all went to Disney." I say smiling at the memories. "Do you mind if I ask what happened with her father?" She ask quietly. "Um... after the fight in court and after we won the case. He told me that he was packing his bags and was moving out." I explain. "You guys weren't married?" I shake my head. "No, we had her when we were 20, and stayed together for her. We didn't hate each other or anything! We co-parented pretty well actually. It was more like we were two friends taking care of a kid. Just everything happened and it just really tore us apart." I tell her. "We haven't talked since. I don't plan on talking to him." She nods.