Angst | Heartache | Fluff with happy ending I promise
「Synopsis」 : Yeosang goes in search for you, but what he finds shakes him to his core.
Paring: Idol!Yeosang x Fem!Reader
[Warnings] : Mentions of miscarriage, Dark themes, Depression, Triggering scenes. Please read with caution.
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Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into a whole month. You cut contact, avoided every text message and phone call. Email and even letters. You didn't want anyone to see you. A failure. You barely could active your life goals, struggled with your relationships and now failed to carry a baby. Your baby... Yeosang's baby. Even though you had a fight and the baby wasn't planned, you loved it. You really did. And now whenever you hold or rub your stomach your heart aches at the shattering reminder that your body killed your baby.
All the boys tried to message you. None of them knew you had lost your child. They were in the dark, and you wanted it to stay that way, you didn't want to tell anyone. Expose your pain to others. So you lay on your bed, where you've been since it happened. You pushed yourself to send in papers for your work so you at least don't get fired but other than that, you've been hiding in your apartment. Ordering out, and getting food delivered to your house. You didn't dare leave just in case you ran into someone you knew. The knocks at your door stopped within the first two weeks. Concerned friends and family wondering where you've been but you ended up messaging them an 'I'm okay' to keep them at bay.
But the people you refused to contact are Yeosang and his bandmates. And finally, after over 5 weeks, Yeosang came for answers. He couldn't sleep, his was struggling to learn choreography, remembering his lines and losing his temper at people became more frequent. His bandmates and the staff knew Yoesang wasn't in a good place but he refused to get help or talk to them. So like Hongjoong, being his leader-self. He called a band meeting. He devised a plan for Yeosang to go over to your place to try and resolve what happened between you. And let's face it, the others were also missing you. Missing your laughter and smile and teasing nature. You were a family member to them and after so long without knowledge of your whereabouts, they too needed answers.
"y/n!" Yeosang called, knocking on your door, but after 2 minutes of no answer. He knocked again. And then a knock became a palm slam to the door, and then a closed fist on the wood. "Y/n! Open this fucking door. Please." He didn't mean to choke on the last word, but tears threaten to invade his eyes.
"Fuck it." He grumbled under his breath, flicking through his keys to find the spare key you gave him when you first started dating. He didn't want to come in unannounced but you had left him no choice. He headed straight for the lounge room but when he entered, all he saw was leftover food, a broken lamp and blankets and pillows thrown off the couch. It almost looked like someone had ransacked the place. Yeosang got even more worried now, practically running for the stairs.
"Y/n!! Answer me! Y/n!" He ran down the hallway finally getting to the front door of your room, but as he pushed the door open what he saw was not what he expected.
"Angel..." His words were soft, broken and uneven. His eyes watered at the sight. You were curled in a ball, clothes and empty tissue boxes everywhere. Your bin that used to lay under your desk, now sitting next to your bed full and overflowed with wet worn tissues. "Sweetheart..." He called out again but notice you were passed out. Redness around your eyes, and puffy skin on your face. You had been crying until you could cry no more. Upon your hand was a picture... A photo of―
"Oh, my god..." Yeosang covered his mouth, tears pooling. It was a photo of your unborn baby. His knees buckled, falling on them. He sat in a kneeling position, not daring to move his eyes from the small photo. His heart raced, and a smile broke. He was so scared, worried about his lively hood and his members. He was afraid that he would let so many people down but yet he didn't think about letting your down, and that's exactly what he did.
"Yeo..." Your voice was cracked, dry and horse. Your eyes opened to see Yeosang sitting on the floor in front of your view. All the signs in your head became sensitive and your breathing quickened. His eyes met yours and you caved. "I'm so sorry..." and to think you couldn't do it, you cried yet again. He jumped up to hug you, climbing on the bed his arms wrapped around you, holding you close. You cried, you cried so hard. You yelled, screamed out in pain. Your heart was so full of pain, and all you could do was cry.
"I couldn't save them, I-I-I'm a fail―Hey no stop it. You are not! Look at me." He grabbed your chin, pulling away from you and that's when it hit him. You were almost 6 weeks in, you should be showing a bu―
"No..." His hand landed on your stomach, making you flinch. You sat straight up, moving away from him. Now it was his turn to the ball, racking his fingers through his hair. "No...h-How..." He didn't want to ask as the question got caught in his throat but his mind wondered.
"I...." You didn't know what to say, how to begin. you looked around the room, avoiding eye contact but Yeosang placed his hand on your cheek, rubbing his thumb on your soaked skin.
"It's okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. If I was there, none of this―Yeosang stop please." You cut his ramble short, now it was your turn to hold his face, looking him dead in the eyes.
"You would not have been able to stop what happened...." You whispered, sighing before you started to tell him what had happened through the weeks he'd been gone. While you were speaking, all he could do was sit there with a pained expression. He knew he had no control but if he were there when it happened, there when you needed it, maybe you wouldn't have become so broken as you are now. That was his fault, no matter what you say otherwise. He held you, tightly. He wasn't going to let you go, he wouldn't leave your side... Not after what you had to go through. He would never be able to take your pain, reverse what happened, or turn back the clock to the day you told him you were pregnant.
"I love you so much. I'm so sorry..." He whispered, brushing his fingers through your hair, soothing the ache in your heart. You finally closed your eyes, without the pain of hot tears or dry irritation. Your heart slowed, and your breathing mellowed. The beating in his chest calmed you. You loved him so much, and though you went through torment, you knew he was going to stay with you until your last breath.
