Aroace thoughts/rants

Sometimes I hate being romance replused

Sometimes I'm just like, "ugh why do I have to be romance negative 9 times outta 10"

And it kinda makes me wish I wasn't aromantic because I have such deep rooted passionate feelings for individual characters and friendships but it seems like everyone else puts their love and passion into ships and the characters they seem to love and obsessed over tend to be ones they find really attractive and it's not that I don't find my favorite characters objectively good looking because they are I just love their personality so much I steal it and make it my own 😭😅 and at the same time I protect my favorite characters with my life.

Anyways. It just makes it difficult to be in fandoms. Even after I left the fandom of this show, I'm sure you all know the one, (I haven't really been in any other fandom either) it's hard. I left the fandom thinking I'd be able to watch the show again in a year or two and I'd experience it and love it the same way I did the first time and the romance would just exist and not bother me like it did the first time.

But the thing is that can't happen for a couple reasons. One, I think I just need to grow up and not let things bother me and let things go. But also, my favorite music artist and actor played my favorite character in this show. And I'm still in the fandom for him specifically, so I'll always be around some part of the show because other fans of his are still huge fans and active in the shows fandom. And one of his songs was gonna be in season 2, but since it's not it's now the last track on his debut album. (He wrote it, with one of his co stars but it was for the show not his album although it does fit well with the album) anyways sometimes I just can't listen to that song because it has that connection to the show. And honestly if it was in the show and they way people assume it was gonna be used in the show makes me not like the song as much because it's one of those things that's implying or stating that romance is more important than friendship.

And it's times like this that makes me wish I wasn't aromantic or romance negative. Because if I wasn't I could just love it like everyone else instead of being upset and feeling like it's undermining the friendship and like I said I'm protective over my favorite characters so when it undermines the friendship my favorite character has with said people I'm afraid they'd be hurt and that makes me hurt because I don't want them to be hurt.

I don't know. I feel like I talk about this a lot. I could talk about this for years and years.

And I feel guilty too because I shouldn't wish away a part of myself especially a part of myself as big as my aroace identity. Especially because I don't wanna vocalize me not wanting to be aromantic and have young discovering aros think it's a bad thing to be aromantic when it's not and I don't want to be the one painting it out to be a bad thing.

It's not even that I completely wish I wasn't aro. I just wish I had the same passion for romance I did for friendship or as everyone else did or that I didn't let it bother me that I don't have the same passion.

I just wish it didn't ruin (there has to be a less dramatic word for this. I don't wanna say it ruined the show I mean I still love it I just love how I use to experience it and I don't really love how I experience it now) the show for me.

Anyways that's all I have to say, thanks for listening and I'll catch ya on the next one. Hope you all have a wonderful day/night 💚💜