Aroace thoughts/rants

SOS

SOS EMERGENCY IM FREAKING OUT (it's probably not a big deal I'm just being dramatic) ahhhhhhjjj. I'm sick. I feel sick.  I feel like I'm gonna throw up.
There's news. Hopeful news. That Jatp might possible could maybe have a small possibility of being picked up. There's a small chance of possibility. It sounds (key word sounds, I don't know if this is a fact or not) that Kenny is no longer in a deal with Netflix so he may own the rights to Julie and the Phantoms which would mean he can take it to another network.

He also has Julie and the Phantoms tagged in his bio. And one of the actors got his hair cut like his character on the show. Theses aren't determining factors. So it's not definite there will be a season 2. But here's the thing, here's why I'm putting this in an aroace rant book.

2021/2022 me would litterlaly do anything and o mean ANYTHING for a season 2. She needed it. Like, really desperately needed it. And the only reason I was able to go on without it was because I had such strong hope it would come back. So, why w fuck am I dreading a season 2? Why do I want this to be false hope?

I haven't moved in from the show. I haven't healed. I'm in the process of doing that and maybe I'm afraid it'll mess up that process.

Or maybe I'm afraid I'll hate season 2 because of the romance. I'll hate all the juke scenes, I won't really care for the willex scenes (I'll still probably find them a little cute. But not anywhere near the love others do) and if Reggie gets a love interest my aromantic headcanon will die and if that love interest is Flynn I'll throw hands.

I am so afraid of hating season 2 because part of me hates parts of season 1 because of the romance.

And I have such mixed feelings of this. Because IF this is real, and if I could go back and time, and yell past me Jatp is back, she'll be so fucking happy. She will scream with joy. She needs it this.
So why am I dreading it? Why is there a part of me, not even a small part, but a substantial part of me, that really doesn't want this, when this is all I've ever wanted.
And the only good thing I can think of is I'll see my favorite character again and I'll see him develop and his back story was suppose to be on season 2 and maybe (small chance but maybe) be would be a-spec (probably not but a girl can dream) bc that'll be so great but a small part of me is scared a season 2 will even ruin him for me. And he's like all I have left at this point 😭

I should be leaping and screaming for fucking joy. So why do I feel sick with dread. The more sick and dread I feel the worse I feel because I should be hopeful and happy even if it's false hope and it's never coming back. Past me LATCH onto this hope and here I am, dreading it.

I'm happy for her, past me. But time travel doesn't exist so I can't tell her about this so she'll never get this joy and neither will I because for someone my brain decided to experience the world differently and experience romance differently and I don't wanna say it ruined it but it kinda did and I don't know how to feel.

I'm probably getting all emotional for nothing. None of this means anything. We don't know for sure anything yet. I need to just calm down.

So yeah. Sorry for freaking out,  I'm gonna try and be fine for now. That's all I have to say, so thanks for listening to me rant again about this silly little kid show that's done so much for me (good and bad unfortunately 😭) so yeah. Thanks for listening, have the most wonderful and beautiful day/night, take care and best wishes 💚💜