Aroace thoughts/rants

How do I change without changing

Something I've always valued is my opinions and my perspective and just being firm in what I believe and that doesn't mean my opinions can't be changed or I can grow as a person and have a better view on things than I did before but also I feel like I'm just too stubborn sometimes to change my opinion.

Okay I feel like I'm talking around my point here. What I'm trying to say is, my opinion on fictional romance is it's just not something I enjoy, and then when it starts to take away from the rest of the plot or I feel like it's taking away from the rest of the plot or the fandom puts the romance on a spotlight instead of all the other things in the show, I start to hate it.

And I want so badly to not be like that. To just enjoy fictional romance as much as everyone else. To not hate it.

But then I'm like "fuck no. Don't change who you are don't change your opinion you don't have to like anything." And I know I don't have to like ships or romance and it doesn't matter how many times people tell me that or how many times I tell myself, I have to like it if I wanna enjoy the fandom or the show after joining the fandom the same way.

Yes I'm talking about Julie and the phantoms again I'm sorry okay lately I've been like really upset about it because I know I have to leave the fandom for good if I wanna stop feeling resentment towards it and the show and juke and stuff but I also know the show will never be the same for me again and I can't let go of it anyways because of how huge it was to my life and I just can't let it go but I know I have to and it's just a lot and this wasn't supposed to be mainly a Jatp rant so back to the main point.

I want more than anything to enjoy fictional romance because I feel like that's the only way to restore Jatp for me and go back to feeling the same way about it before. I want to change myself and my brain to not hate them, so I can love the show again. But then my stubborn little miss has strong opinions side is like "no way. Don't change your opinions so what you don't agree with anyone else, fuck what they think it's an opinion you aren't in the wrong for having an opinion"

Sometimes it feel like I have more than one person in my head. They're all me just different versions of me. Like sander sides if you've ever seen it. And these two just are constantly butting heads like "you have to change your opinion if you wanna love Jatp the same way again" and "no how about you keep your opinion and everyone else can stop making you feel like you have to like them"

Like I don't know what I want people to do, I mean the people who always post Juke aren't doing anything wrong, I do the same but with Reggie. I constantly post Reggie edits so like why am I bothered when people only talk about juke or mostly talk about juke. I mean I guess we all talk about more that just those things but Reggie is my juke I guess.

I guess it's just annoying when sometimes the only Jatp content that I can find is juke related, I'm just one person who is always editing Reggie and everyone else is a lot of people constantly talking about and posting juke.

So I guess I just want to change, but without changing so I can just watch my favorite show again.

Also why have I been so emotional lately? I've seen Moana many times. When we fist got it on DVD me and my little sister (different than the one I've posted about) watched it like everyday for 4 days straight. I never remember crying when the grandma died but I did today. Anyways I'm gonna continue watching Moana and hopefully get some sleep tonight for school tomorrow. I hope everyone has an amazing day/night 💚💜