Aroace thoughts/rants

I'll look after you

Turned into more of a rant than a poem, but this is kinda referencing to a TikTok trend to that song that goes "I'll look after you" and it shows a slide show and on the first slide they show some characters and on the second slide it shows the characters they're looking out for- I think I did a little rant a few parts ago and I thought I stopped thinking about it but I started again so I wrote a poem about it. Some parts I really like. Some parts probably make no sense but you know what my brain makes no sense so it's fine. I might explain more in depth at the end.

I'll look after you
Why is there always a theme to a trend
They all have the same theme.
Love.
No. Not love.
Romance.
Because love comes in all shapes and sizes,
But here they only sell on brand
The brand that has the fibers that are so soft against everyone else's skin
But it gives my skin rashes
It scratches
It itches and causes allergic reactions
But who cares about the other materials

I'll look after you.
The theme never being anything other than romance
A dance to which I'll never know the steps
I can't even hear the music
Why is the only person that can look after me someone I don't wanna meet?
Why do you pair people together who aren't together
As if they don't already have loved one that could do it
But that's not enough for you is it
Because to you love only seems to have one meaning 
I wanna understand because maybe if I understand
The pain will go away
But maybe it's worth the pain
So I don't lose myself
Or what's important to me.

Alright. So basically. I don't even know if I could explain this. 😭😂 so basically I am just annoyed that this trend is always "I'll look after you" and it shows specifically romantic ships and what is even more annoying is one of them used my least favorite non canon ship from a show that shall not be named. Anything to do with this ship I'm sure you all know the one but anything to do with it makes me mad and I wish I could get over it but todays not the day I'm over it so I wrote this.

To me, putting a non canon ship, especially when both the characters don't have a love interest in the show anyway, it feels like you're just pairing up the left overs.

It feels very "we have two characters left over without a romantic partner. Let's pair em up" so like I already don't like the ship for that reason, and along the fact it implies everyone needs a romantic love interest, I also don't like how it feels like it's saying if they don't have a romantic love interest, no one's looking after them.

And I know in my core that's not true. That their friends will look out for them just as much. And when I first watched that show, it wasn't even a doubt. I didn't know any better, I didn't know that their was a "rank" and romance was always put above. To me it was just "oh they're dating and they're best friends" I didn't think one took priority over the other. And now I know that most people put priority on romance in their own relationships and put that idea on fictional ships. And then I get the idea in my head, "they don't care about their best friend" and when their best friend his my favorite character of all time, it really fucking hurts. And even though I like to head canon my favorite character as aromantic and kinda don't want them to have a romantic ship so they can be single and happy, I feel terrible because it's like I'm aromantic and I'm not happy with it, why would I wish that on my favorite character if I can't even be happy with myself. And it's like I also know they're not aromantic like I guess you can't disapprove it but you can't prove it either and they probably weren't gonna be but

I lost my train of thought 😭

Anyways like I know that just because the fans say one thing doesn't make it true, and just because the fans act like the characters would priotize their romantic relationships over their platonic ones, doesn't mean they actually do but the fact that literally most of society thinks like this means the writers of the show probably do too and would write with that mindset the characters in real life would have that mindset and it's just really frustrating because I absolutely adore the platonic love in that show but own it all feels like it's gone.

And it puts me at war with myself a little bit I think this might of been what I was trying to say before I lost my train of thought, I want my favorite character to be happy. And I want more characters to be happy and single and aromantic. So I want my favorite character to be that happy aromantic representation because even if I can't be happy with it, maybe it would make me a little happier knowing my favorite character is happy with it. But then it feels like said favorite character wouldn't be happy, bc his friends would be prioritizing their romantic relationships and that would probably make favorite character of mine feel alone and I don't want that fate for him so it's almost as if as nice as it would to have a happy aromantic character I would always be afraid they feel alone bc of how romance is prioritized in society. It's like I need the security of them having a romantic relationship to be sure they're happy even though I hate that message.

And like even if they made him aro and had a mini plot line where he felt alone bc of the push on romance being "the most and highest form of love" it would be good representation in my opinion bc it's something around people go through (or at least me as an aro person goes through even though I don't even really have friends and only like none of them is dating) it just won't happen for this character bc the show is cancelled so I'm stuck in this limbo of "do I want him to be aro or not? Is he happy or not? Is he okay?" Because at this point I don't even think I care about the show anymore. It's gone. It's burned away it perished. But I still love this character with my whole fucking heart. I'm genuinely afraid I've been a hypocrite this whole time and if this character was a real person in my life I'd prioritize them over everyone (maybe not my kids but then again, I don't want kids...)  im even afraid I already love him more than real people in my life. I mean obviously I'd die for my siblings before I'd die for him but I also feel like I'd still die for him which is like a problem if I actually would because he's fictional.

See that's the other thing. I mentioned earlier about how I don't have many friends anyways so I'm not as afraid of my friends prioritizing romance over me. I'm more afraid of my favorite character feeling sad/alone bc his friends are prioritizing romance over him.

Like I am way too attached to this character and I'm not even attracted to the show anymore. Which is in itself also really upsetting bc this show was actually my everything and now it's the thing that is making me emotional not in the good way.

What was this even originally about. A poem. I'm like going way off here.

I can't tell if I'm just being dramatic about this whole thing or if something is broken with my brains wiring 😂😭 it's fine. I'm fine like I thought I'd be crying writing this but I'm actually like chillin right now so maybe writing all this down helped? I don't know.

Anyways thanks to much for listening to the very long, probably redundant rant. Hope you enjoyed the poem. I'm wishing you an a very wonderful day/night, best wishes and take care of yourselves 💚💜