Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 120: Love Awakens (I can Only Love You More) Part 5

It was hard, SO damn hard.... hurt so much that it felt like I couldn't breathe telling Nikki exactly what happened in his coma. And telling him how I feared still losing him, losing everything I held dear.... telling him how everything that happened nearly broke me, it KILLED me. Yet as much as getting everything out there killed me, killed Nikki....and as hard as it was, it needed to be done for both our sakes. It was a much needed and huge first step in healing, a much-needed beginning. And after all that hurt.... came the sweet & bitter-sweet that same night Nikki & I bared our souls. What mattered is we were together & in time we would heal, as well as our family. Now, I believe Nikki had told you that I would tell you of all the special things I did/planned for him & our precious family and that is where you will find he & I, just holding one another......you will see....

Such a huge weight has been lifted, the air in the room feels a lot lighter than it did. Nikki and I have finally calmed, after a much cathartic...NEEDED release of emotion. True we will have our times, our moments.... but what matters is we have each other & five of the most AMAZING-WONDERFUL angels: Tony, James, Frankie, and our oldest.... Josephine & Amara.

Nikki and I carefully look over at our still sleeping oldest children, checking on them....

"I am SO glad they are here, sleeping.... they really need it." Nikki murmurs, "Still, I'd give anything to take away their pain, but like we said..." Here Nikki carefully turns back to look at me, "—Its gonna take time & we've tonight taken such a huge first step in healing, I am proud of us for that." Nikki starts tearing up & I am in much the same state.

I kiss him, thanking GOD I can do so...loving the feel before replying with, "Me too Honeybee, me too." Tearfully, I manage a smile..., "You kept me going, so did our kids AND well, I said I'd tell you the special things I have in mind for our family & that I have done for you....so, do me a favor.... look down & tell me what you see." Tenderly, Nikki does so his eyes widening in shock before looking to me, touched to his core, "This blanket......i made with my own hands, I remembered how your hands would work their magic, making stuff for the kids & all. So, I sewed this blanket made up of my old sweatshirts, to always keep you safe & warm."

Nikki quietly sobbing manages to say, "WOW.... just WOW. I treasure this, Joe. Oh babe.... babe...." Here his voice drops to a whisper, "I feel the love."

"I poured my heart & soul into its Nikki.... getting lost in you, as I always do...." I whisper adding on proudly, "it was Josephine's idea. She talked about how you always told me that my sweatshirts are magical, that you feel safe....so she came up with the idea....AND there was enough of my old sweatshirts to make baby blankets for the triplets. Amara suggested clothes & special toys for the triplets too. Nikki, damn we are.... I mean, the proof of how amazing we are as parents...is in our children. The way.... the way they look at us.... i mean, ya know?"

"I feel the same way...the same way, Joe. They are amazing...all five." Nikki chuckles, me loving the sound. "Josephine really is my little clone, and now I have another me. they've got big hearts...." Nikki's eyes are glowing now, though still murky from tears, nonetheless still fucking beautiful. "What else do you have planned for us....and Joe? THANK YOU, I love & appreciate everything you do beyond what mere words can EVER express." He glances at our eldest sleeping children, my gaze following his. He really is the perfect mother to our children, I'd want no one else but him. After some moments he turns back to me....

"I feel the same no lie Nikki....as for what I have planned for you, for US? Well, we've been thru hell, off & on since Josephine's kidnapping. We need, DESERVE a break...need healing. So, I plan on spending time in Boston, once you are completely healed physically. I figured it would help our family heal, to have much needed down time. And another surprise, well among many.... i bought that property we've made such precious memories these past years."

Such beautiful, beautiful memories....and now, we will make even more of those memories. And our family will heal....

"Anthony Joseph Perry, that's.... that sounds PERFECT. Oh Jo-Jo Bear!" Gently I caress Nikki's face. "---You are amazing Joe, really amazing." Nikki adds.

"Nikki Perry-Sixx..." Me savoring his name, loving the sound.... loving HIM. "---I would do anything, ANYTHING to make you happy. To see you smile, even if only for a moment....and I would argue that YOU are amazing. You're my honeybee always & forever." I whisper.

"Always & Forever." Nikki echoes, yawning.

"Babe, please get some sleep for me...."

Nikki cuts me off, "I will.... if you do the same Joe. I worry about you."

"Ok honeybee, I will. I will.... I worry about you too. I tell you the sweetest dream of yours would never do cause I'd still miss you baby. I love you."

"I love you too....so much." Nikki murmurs sleepily. Gently I kiss him, smoothing back his untamable hair, glancing to see our oldest are still ok & I KNOW my three youngest too.... are ok, me SO glad they are and mere moments later. I follow my husband into the sleep....and I see him in my dream....my dream....

It seems I am dreaming.... but it FEELS SO REAL....so real & the scene is magical. The air smells of roses, the flashes of their blue hued petals dance in the light wind. I see myself, hair shorter....it seems that some time has passed, a few years it seems.... but most of all, most importantly I SEE NIKKI.

Nikki's hair, that silky raven hued...and wild mane. Those stunning emerald orbs are sparkling, glowing.... There is the sheen of tears in his eyes, made even more stunning by eyeshadow that really make his eyes pop. He is wearing a suit, and tie...the tie is green like mine, not just any green.... but the color of his eyes. I am dressed to match & time has ceased to exist. It's our wedding, but not just any wedding, for we are renewing our vows and the words.... oh, the words & tears come....

"Nikki..." I croak, overcome with emotion in the best of ways, "I wanted to renew our vows, for our 10th wedding anniversary. I really wanted to make it special & give you a wedding for our vow renewal......cause you deserve everything; you always have since I've known you and even before I met you. 10 years, and it feels like yesterday that I asked you to marry me & get married on the same day. You've asked me before; how did I know? My heart knew, I FELT it. We've been thru heaven & hell during our marriage....and we always got thru the hard times.... the sheer hell & did it together. Its only made us a couple, our love.... Our marriage is stronger. And we went thru hell apart.... Nikki, it's strange to think there was a time where for so long, I didn't believe in love.... was abused, worthless or so I thought. Then came you during that fateful night we met 12 years ago.... You were rude, I was rude & neither of us knew that moment would end up changing our lives forever. Our next meeting......wasn't good. But I found the more I saw you, touched you.... spent time with you, the more I had to have. You are and always have been my greatest addiction. And I vow, I vow to keep being the man you deserve.... your strength, your shelter.... your other half. Each day, each moment with you is a gift. You've given me so much.... Your heart, body & soul and five of the most amazing children. I look forward to many & I do mean many more years to come. A lifetime more with you? I could go for that."

That dream I had of our vow renewal would in fact come true. And spoiler alert, I would surprise Nikki with said vow renewal AND a proposal in honor of our 10th wedding anniversary, on said day......doing just as I first did on that date, that special date of May 10, 1988.

A/N: A glimpse of what's to come at the end, special and touching surprises with Nikki and Joe. And oh, there is SO much to come in this story. Next chapter we will see Nikki in recovery. Stay tuned!