Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 165: How Has it Been So Long? Part 1

I thought when Nikki was in a coma after the birth of our triplets killed me, Josephine's near death & subsequent coma was like Déjà vu all over again, even worse in ways Nikki's wasn't. It was how Josephine's came about....it was SEEING it along with Nikki, it was a living hell. And too there were many bitter-sweet & sweets moments. Now, after where we'd left off the last time.... Let me bring you up to speed. The time Nikki & I spent together, our reading our oldest girl's diary, looking thru her scrap book.... Her room to feel connected to her was very much needed as much as it also hurt being without her & our other children. In the days after this period, Nikki & I: took care of each other & our other five children i.e. Amara, Frankie, Storm, Tony & James.... We all leaned on one another. We took time for ourselves, time as a family....and of course we all rallied around/took care of Josephine. Our family helped with the kids' schoolwork, babysitting, helping us with meals, rotating staying with Josephine at night, cleaning our house & just being THERE. Then there were the special projects we worked on for Josephine such as: her car (this was Nikki's idea), he wanted to restore his corvette & make it automatic instead of stick shift & painted it in Josephine's favorite colors. There were also sketches, drawings, paintings done for her (as well as purchasing said Materials for her) & then there was something even more special. Nikki along with the rest of the Crϋe recorded the song Josephine wrote, 'If I Die Tomorrow' to go on what would be their Red, White & Crϋe album. Josephine of course, got full writing credit AND royalties for said song, which would become a huge hit. And naturally our family at large also did special things not just for Josephine but for our other children as well. Now where you will find us: In Josephine's hospital room, just me...my husband & all Six of my AMAZING miracles.

"Aw Storm, my little miracle.... i Know, I know.... sissy is still sleeping and your upset. Speaking of sleep, princess you need it..." I am trying to soothe my youngest daughter by rocking her gently in my arms & getting her to sleep, but she's fighting it. Nikki, my beloved honeybee, has just fed & changed her & is looking after our other children. Suddenly James, that perfect combo of Nikki & I touches me so much with the following:

"Daddy? Um, could...I had the idea, maybe if she feels Josephine.... like lying in her arms or like next to her, she'll fall asleep." These words get my husband & children's attention.

"Son, you.... THANK YOU." I fumble for words, but my son KNOWS what I mean.

Nikki looks fondly at James, each of our children before looking at me with tears in his eyes, "we have the best children, truly each of them are miracles." True words have never been spoken. Carefully now, with me holding Storm, laying her at Josephine's side while of course still holding on to her.... Storm settles, and I will Josephine to wake up, but I KNOW SHE can FEEL her little sister whom she shares such a special, special bond. Gradually, Storm calms & drifts off to sleep & soon, soon enough I hand her to my beloved honeybee who places her in a basinet the hospital has let us use.

I of course now, am touching some part of Nikki.... needing him, us leaning on one another, as too we lean on our children....

We hear tears.... Amara's & she practically now dives into our arms...her sisters & brothers doing what they can to just be THERE. It's been so hard, especially on Amara, on all of us....

My heart breaks for my oldest 'twin' daughter & if I nor Nikki was in tears before we are now....

"H-Hey.... Talk to us sweetheart...PLEASE, we've got you. We've got you.... we got you." I plead & attempt to soothe my second eldest daughter both. "---Shh, breathe Amara.... I know it's hard, I know." I add on as she starts shaking & I share a look with Nikki as we BOTH realize.

Nikki tells her tearfully, "---Its hard to see your sister lying there because YOU feel like you put her there, that it was YOUR fault when deep down you know its not. And you feel so lost without her, though you know she knows how much she is loved, missed and that she feels us. And too...." Nikki pauses a moment taking a deep breath, "—Its eerie, scary even.... like seeing me both alive & Dead reminding you of when I was in my coma. And as much as it hurts like hell and you blame yourself because 'if only I hadn't have done this', thought its NOT your fault you still feel like it is. Amara, kids.... you KNOW your sister would have done the same for anyone of us, ANYONE she loves. And you and your brothers & Sisters would do the same, and that goes for me and your father as well."

Amara finally looks up, eyes a dark green and murky from tears stammering over every word, "—I, I.... Yes...Momma, its.... its...I see IT every time I close my eyes, her blood everywhere....it wouldn't stop.... I see you.... all of it in my nightmares. I am TRYING, but I feel so lost. It feels like it's been forever since that day, like HOW has it been so long? But then, I've found myself.... playing her guitars, taking care of them, and everything so I can hear her.... like in my head."

"I see it too...." I whisper before raising my voice loud enough for her and my other children to hear me, "—I know just how you feel. I nearly lost your ma forever, more than once and now I NEARLY lost one of my children. As a parent, you're always prepared to go first...but when its your child. It hits a hell of a lot harder. Then I remember that I have your ma.... that I still have your sister, YOU and all my children. Remember each one of you is MIRACLES and I love all of you very much. And too, Josephine will come back to us.... She doesn't know how NOT to fight, to quit. She knows how very much she is loved & missed."

Amara did calm after I & Nikki talked to her, and she was exhausted so there was a cot with blankets & Pillows provided, so she slept. She really needed it, and Nikki & I were SO relieved she looked more peaceful than she had. Where you next find us will be at home, our family insisted we all got some rest or tried. Someone of course stayed with Josepine & updated us on her. Sadly, she still slept....

Before I get to us at home, where of course we all of us talked about Josephine.... I wanna tell you some of what our family did or would do for Josephine. For instance:

· Johnny Cooper-Depp, who rushed from filming 'Pirates of the Caribbean' would end up dedicating the film to Josephine & The Perry family. that floored us, I mean it meant SO much. I remember Johnny telling us, 'It's the LEAST I Could do. Meeting Josephine was fate, granted I wish to hell it had of been under better circumstances but she led me to finding Alice & eventually having a family of my own. And you, Joe & Nikki.... for the first time in my life gave me a family. I can never fucking tell you how much that means to me.'

· Speaking of 'cooper', Alice Cooper.... Alice, I can tell you now, would come to hire Josephine when she turned 16 to be his lead guitarist.

· Steven Tyler would, during Josephine's coma, have a shawl made of a bunch of his scarves since Josephine had always told him how cool she thought they were & how every time she saw one, she thought of him.

Next time, my beloved Honeybee shall take the reins.

A/N: Chapter done. Stay tuned for the part 2 of this chapter.