Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 159: The Longest Night Part 1 (Nikki-Perry Sixx)

My BABY, my sweet wild-haired.... angel twin....is fighting for her life.... HER LIFE. And I can't even, God.... having to FACE the possibility she may not survive the night. and I thought my struggles with Heroin were bad & the year without Joe.... I thought what happened when I had the triplets was bad, but THIS? Hurts FAR more....to have the child I carried for 9 months & brought into this world and now to possibly have her taken from it? And then I almost lost, could have AMARA.... still Josephine saved her sister's life.... Amara went back despite the extreme danger to help her sister...and she did this, Josephine did to protect Joe, to protect us. Some more time had passed, and Joe & I were loath to part with our little rainbow Storm, but we worried about her in the hospital & still she is too young. We wanted to keep her, but Stevie Adler-Lee made us realize it was best. Though it sure the fuck didn't feel like it...and in fact, the youngest kids are with Stevie now at our house. (I'd made Storm plenty of Milk & told Stevie too to get Josephine's 'bee-bee' and have it close to Storm, so her sister could be with her & Storm will be brought back to us I know). Always we're together in spirit.... never truly apart. Joe & I kissed Storm and told her, 'Your sister will come back to you.... she MUST. She loves you so much & is always thinking about you.' We broke down....

Still, everyone is here.... HERE, and NO ONE at home or otherwise will sleep this night.... There is NO WAY.

Tears, so many TEARS.... everyone on edge me clinging to Amara, to Joe....to the triplets for dear life and missing Storm so much....so many emotions chief among them FEAR & suddenly NOW its TIME to see Josephine, I share a look with Joe who looks so lost, so pained & the fierce love for our oldest daughter shines thru....

"I feel SO lost.... i haven't.... haven't been this lost since...."

"---Since I 'died' from my overdose & the triplets I know...." I finish for my husband in a pained whisper, "---I never thought it would hurt so much.... its.... its...." I stammer, crying before exhaling shakily, "—But she needs us Joe, and God, do we need HER. We will DO anything.... anything to bring her back I know.

"I love you Nikki....and I...I love her...."

"I love you too Joe..." I murmur, Joe & I trying to collect ourselves.... he & I am leading the way along Amara & the triplets.... Storm, Storm is with us in spirit. Everyone else follows....... before I know it, we enter, and I quit breathing.... breaking down, Joe & I barely able to keep upright....

"Josephine...." I gasp out, body wracked by sobs....

THIS FUCKING KILLS ME.... THE SILENCE.... SEEING MY BABY....my baby lying before me....and its fucking eerie, like seeing myself both alive & dead at the same time. The silence is HEAVY other than the sounds of the machines......Josephine deathly pale, the only color is in her face.... black & Blue, Oxygen.... feeding tube, a million wires......blood bags. And I can't.... picture a world without her. This wasn't how this was supposed to go, for I realize it's after 12 & it's her birthday. Her 15th birthday.... I was gonna take her driving, her favorite birthday dinner, jamming, creating, doing what she loved. And now, now she is fighting to LIVE....

Joe & I stagger.... Amara, Tony, James following.... them holding tightly to us, as we & everyone manages to find seats, and I take Josephine's ice, ice cold hand.... Joe's hand laying overmine & the both of us tremble.

"We.... we.... are HERE...Josephine, all of us in body...and sprit." I manage to choke out, "---Its.... it's your birthday honey, this...this wasn't how it was supposed to go. You were so excited, we we're excited because you were, to do what you love.... just to be with you. But then.... Then, we've been so worried about you. You've been thru so much this year, especially the last couple of months...." I pause a moment before I feel Joe squeeze my hand, together with mine we squeeze Josephine's, and I try & calm enough to go on, because it KILLS me that she doesn't respond. "---You didn't deserve this; Amara didn't deserve this......i nearly lost two of my babies tonight. But I SWEAR you will get justice, that you deserve it.... You deserve happiness, a BREAK and that you are a miracle, Josephine. Right now, honey.... we need one, I need you.... need your fight, to come back to us, the world already seems a hell of a lot less bright, and none of us can picture a world without you in it......" I break down again, unable to continue for now.... but Joe, my Jo-Jo Bear does for me......everyone I know, is listening, is HERE.

"Sweet Bee.... i know where your ma was gonna go...." Joe exhales raggedly, "---We can't picture, none of us can a world with out you or your sister. But we need you to KNOW that...." Joe looks to me, to our children before looking back to Josephine, "---You are a hero, OUR hero.... Honey, you saved your sister's life....at the cost of your own. You did it despite your own fears, you saved MY life....and your sister went back for you....to help you, knowing her.... She couldn't leave you, and she too IS a hero. Never doubt how AMAZING you are, beyond amazing...beyond beautiful. You've done such extraordinary things at such a young age, and I know.... HOPE you will keep doing so. I love you sweetheart so much....so very much."

Please, PLEASE JOSEPHINE.... hear US.... FEEL US. Fight sweetheart, give it hell. You are just like ME, stubborn as fuck. I love that about you, I love everything about you. And tonight, all night....and every night.... Every day, every moment we are with YOU. Everyone letting Your father & I, your siblings have our time.... Their support is much needed, much needed.

I find my voice again, hoarse.... husky from tears, "---15 years ago tonight, I was in Labor.... the beginning. I was so SCARED Josephine, but I had your father. You, you were your own way into this world. I was in SO much pain....and the hours were long, were painful but I never lost sight of it was BRINGING ME YOU and it did....it was more than worth it. You were born, and I can never forget hearing your first cries.....and when you calmed, you looked up at me...." My voice cracks, "—Tiny hand on my heart, your eyes just like mine...but you looked at me like I was your hero, your world......and then came Amara, Tony, James, Frankie and our rainbow Storm....guess, what I am trying to say is: its an honor to be YOUR mother, to YOU....to all six of my children. You've always been such a.... WONDERFUL big sister, such a joy.... larger than life, talented as hell. Josephine you've been YOU. Someday, I hope you see how special you really are.... I feel you will. Right now, HANG ON. I KNOW the road ahead.... will be a long one, it will kill us....it DOES, that with survival.... You will still lie here in a coma; I can't lie honey but I sure the HELL ain't going anywhere. I never will."

What a fucking BITTER-SWEET birthday it turned to be for our Josephine. That night...GOD, that eternal night.... we all, talked to her....shared stories, hearts broken yet we never ceased. However, exhausted I was, mentally.... Physically, the same goes for Joe we KNEW our daughter was that much more so than in the US. If you are wondering, under the circumstances...once the night passed and Josephine survived it yet was trapped in a living 'death' aka coma......her siblings, would all come to be taken from school and doing it from home. There was NO WAY IN HELL, Joe & I would put them through worrying about that shit. And plus, they too WANTED it....to be there for their sister. We needed each other, we needed our entire family. and where you will find us, is in the deepening night talking to my eldest daughter....

However, before I get or we get to that......Johnny Cooper-Depp whom at the time was filming 'Pirates of the Caribbean' which of course would go on to be a huge success to say the least, but as soon as he heard what happened.... He came RUNNING. Along with Alice & their daughters. And Storm and the littlest children were kept safe and of course would come back to us.

A/N: Part 1 of the 'Longest Night' , part 2 will come next. More to come soon!