Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 174: Barely Time to Breathe Part 2(Josephine Nicole Perry)

A sea of faces.... cameras, which I KNOW my parents fought like hell being in here, no SPACE, no time to breathe. I am EXHAUSTED, HAVE BEEN before I even came on the stand and now.... even more so. The faces that stand out: my family....my parents, my sister and they are HERE. Still, I have NO CHOICE but to be brave and I am tired and what this will do to me, but here I go telling my TALE or what I remember.

Already trembling, badly.... voice shaking and holding back tears until I can't as finally, I managed to speak quickly giving into sobs. "---All I wanted was PEACE, last year was rough for me with what I went through with school, graduating before my birthday. I don't regret saving my mom's life and helping him bring his and dad's miracle into this world, I'd do it repeatedly. But then CAME THAT DAY......not wanting to scare my parents about having a bad feeling, trying to pretend in a way that I wasn't. I wanted PEACE, to try and forget hanging out with my family. and it HELPED somewhat, but I couldn't shake those bad feelings, and my sister went to the bathroom being cornered by HER, and my sister was scared....and I did my best to defend my sister even though.... underneath it all I was scared, especially once I realized just WHO had her. I had to help her, I had to.... i had to save her and save my family.... what came next...."

Being pistol whipped, I remember I could never forget...the pain, not once but twice I tell now. Gladly taking hits for my sister, defending Amara fiercely...comforting her while Elyssa said the vilest things about Dad especially. Time stopped.... her yelling at people.... that gun......and then the small ray of hope when I heard there was HELP.... cops.... but I knew it wasn't over; I couldn't trust Elyssa and now I come to the last 'moments' of my life....

"---The last things I remember were the sights of Elyssa raising the gun....and my sister ahead of me, and thinking I HAD TO GET TO HER, to s-save her....i called her name and then after that....i don't know how I found the strength to be at her side, and I remember the sound....of an explosion, and I didn't even feel the first shot right away...I jerked, it was at first like getting bitten by something....but I knew that my sister was safe and then.....another explosion, and after that I heard screams from everywhere...my parents, I somehow knew they were there....my sister and I couldn't BREATHE......the pain....dying HURTS. But I FELT my sister was right there with me and I told.... told...told her...." I am quickly headed into a panic attack, suddenly feeling I can't breathe.... but I do as I always do and PUSH managing to find my voice just enough, "----That I loved her.....that she was safe and I think I tried to tell her....I loved my parents....my family and then it got bizarre....fading to black, I thought I was dreaming....seeing myself lying there covered in blood....and then more blood.....more darkness....i DIED....I DIED."

I recall what I thought were dreams.... things I heard, the voices of my family.... time ceasing to exist, I still feel I can't breathe and just as at last I am leaving the stand, my blood freezes....and that BITCH speaks and is restrained, and she isn't the only one (Especially my parents)

"YOU LITTLE BITCH! YOU SHOULD HAVE STAYED DEAD!! I...." Before the judge can order her away, I ask if I may say something feeling so broken but that I have to say what I need to, I am asked if I am sure and I reply in a small very broken voice, 'yes'.

I lock gazes with her, flinching hard.... trembling but I say, "—Ya knows, I WAS dead.... several times I have been told I nearly didn't make it. YOU did that, you wanted to kill me, kill my sister.... if I had stayed dead...well either way what mattered is she lived, she is alive....and another thing, you wanted to kill my other brothers and sisters and my parents...." I break down, still staring into those eyes I hate so much, "--- I would defend them, do what I did over and over not that you care. I am TIRED, I see you in my nightmares...I don't sleep. My family has and is suffering and I am SO SICK of being called a 'little bitch', I hate feeling broken, I hate that I was cheated out of SO MUCH. Again, I don't regret saving my sister's life nor my family. And in a way...I DID and AM staying dead, trying so hard to LIVE. Take a good look at me! Take a good look at what you've done! And not just me! What else were you gonna say? That I ruined your life? PLEASE, YOU did that decades ago and NOW.... IT'S YOUR FAULT. AND WHAT I REMIND YOU OF MY FATHER? DOES THAT BOTHER YOU? THAT WHAT WAS IT? OH YEAH, I HAD HIS MOUTH AND MY MOTHER'S BALLS? WELL, I DO AND I AM DAMN PROUD OF THAT FACT." I am feeling so HEAVY, my body seeming to sway, trying to stay awake and I tremble in fear, "---I want PEACE, DESERVE that....my family, we all deserve and need that and JUSTICE. You hurt ALL of us and I.... I am done here....so DONE...."

I don't feel good.... AGAIN.... too tired, things happening in slow motion...hearing screams of my name, screams in general and the voices I love surrounding me and I give in now to the darkness.......

I am not dead.... again, but now I believe that I am dreaming and it's a nightmare......being on the stand, flashes of my blood spilling....my sister Amara, my parents....my family.... all so sad. The voice I hate.... the voices I love. Here in my head, it's so dark and scary and even in my dreams I am TIRED.

Then I see HIM, the one who stars in my bitter-sweet dreams.... who I dream of: Hunter Mercury and I feel LOST, lost and found both....

Those dark eyes, the feeling.... i can't look away, time has passed it seems both of us I think still teens, but I find myself crying, 'I don't understand.... WHY, why me? I didn't want to ruin our friendship.... its why I haven't said anything.' It seems he's confessed his feelings for me, feelings my heart HEARS...and feels but my head is getting in the way. But he's not mad.... He slowly reaches out and gently caresses my face.

'You feel the same way about me, I feel that. I feel it scares you, you don't understand.... or rather your head doesn't. I'd been feeling the same way, but I realized it's been you, Josephine. You were and still are the first, best friend I've ever had, first REAL friend. This will never change darling, and how could I not fall in love with you? You've got the biggest heart I know, you're stubborn as hell, you've got the best laugh, you're smile makes the world stop.... you command attention whenever you walk into a room. You're talented, you're brave even though you don't feel like it and you are just BEAUTIFUL.... All of you. I just NEEDED to tell you, and I want to show you.... that I have you...and....' He leans in and his lips are on mine, my eyes widen before closing and it's like heaven. Suddenly in this moment things make sense, its how he sees me.... making me feel and he's healed what has so long been broken.... He is now and I am in love with him and now am giving in kind.

'I SEE now.... i am seeing.... I love you....and I wanna learn with you.' I whisper after we part for breath, our foreheads resting against one another's.

He doesn't say anything, merely hold me tighter and that says it all to me......

But all too soon it all fades and I hear the all too familiar beeping noises and feel just so LOST as I enter the waking world.... still broken, or rather fractured.......

A/N: A Dramatic and fatal tale, a vision or dream of the future at the end and there will be part 3 to this. So, stay tuned!