Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 162: The Ballad of Josephine Part 2

We've just read Josephine's letter, my husband and I.... Its.... It's HER. We Heard HER. Now, Nikki & I am leaning on one another.... holding one another as we open now Josephine's Diary and those tears, oh those tears.... still clear as day we hear her voice in our heads reading entries about what she kept from us about School, what she truly went thru, entries about her insecurities many of which she shares in kind with Nikki, and then we come across the day Storm was born:

-Josephine's Diary Entries-

-July 3, 2003-

So it's been one hell of a day, I don't know where to start.... but here I go: Dad's on tour of course, has been with Aerosmith which has been awesome and yet not. The not comes from worry about Mom, I know how much it hurt him especially and dad losing a baby....but something has been SO wrong for months....and I started noticing around my birthday, it wasn't mom gaining weight * Still he looks STUNNING* I mean he could never look bad....but the back pain, it scares him...it scares mom I can tell. Everything has been tried, short of drugs which understandably mom doesn't want to risk the sobriety he's fought so hard for.

The Doctor's haven't been able to tell my parents what's going on, well TODAY we found out. I followed Mom, cause I'd have done the same if it was me.... but I found him, heard his heart wrenching screams. I knew VERY quickly it wasn't a miscarriage, not look like he feared. I was SO scared, so scared....

But he needed me, I did what I had to: I broke down a door, got help.... knowing dad was coming, and I did what I had to do. I heard Dad's voice in my head and that helped me, and the next thing I know I found a wailing BABY in my arms, covered in blood...HER blood it turns out, and mom's.... Dad arrived to find me, with my little rainbow miracle of a sister, mom...mom closed his eyes, it happened SO fast. I mean everything did...

And then came the waiting, me blaming myself for mom.... that I killed him, dad held me like his life depended on it, and I still hear him say, "You.... OH HONEY.... we didn't...I didn't know.... he was pregnant.... but.... I AM SO PROUD OF YOU; I need you to know that. It's a hell of a lot to take in, but you did it anyway.... you delivered you sibling....and you may well have saved your ma's life." And then he let me NAME HER and so I did, and I swore to her....that I would love all parts of her, and always love and protect her, always be with her cause that's what my parents have taught me......and I named her Storm, Storm Bianca Perry cause she came into our lives, like a sudden storm but storms always brining new life, they bring rainbows & sunshine and she is such a beautiful girl. She looks like mom & Dad both, the best of them both.

-End of First Entry-

-Josephine's 2nd Entry-

-July 4, 2003 (Just after 1 am)-

Its just after 1, I think.... i left off earlier, had lots of things going on and my family...my new sister was more important. Mom was OK, he was ALIVE.... but it was hard to see him, cause I felt guilty still. The Doctor said my quick thinking saved his life, saved Storm's...and of course Dad told mom, and I could see the shear relief, the pride.... the love, the worry for me. I know HOW much of them having another baby means to them, especially what happened last year.... but STILL my mother, he said to me, "---ITS NOT your fault, NOTHING is....and I know better than anyone how that feels, so does your father. We've got each other, I've got YOU. Honey, I know how traumatic it was & is.... the blood, my possible death.... but you did it anyway & I know in my heart, and I am sure you're father agrees with me.... Josephine you, I have no doubt saved my life, saved your little sister's life. I can't BEGIN to thank you or tell you what that means to me...." ---The pain will always be there, but you are not and will never be alone Josephine, remember that. and I can't begin to express properly just how much I love you, how amazing you are...HOW SPECIAL. It will take time, but you'll see one day I get that feeling."

I know he's right by the way, I KNOW. But it's still hard right now, I'm going through mentally SO MUCH. Not from Storm being born, but from school.... Having to face all that again, SCARES me. SO, I don't FEEL like a hero, I want to, but I don't. and nightmares, my nightmares are getting worse....so many things I WISH I wouldn't see:

Blood, screams, Dad's Ex-Wife staring in my nightmares.... being hurt at school, but I have my parents. What I would do without them; I don't have a freakin' clue. But I want to protect them, love them as much as they want and DO the same for me. I can hear dad say, "Honey.... always been open & honest with us, NO MATTER how much it HURTS, it's not easy...in the end, it will help. It will help."

..........

Oh yeah, Since Storm's unexpected arrival and the fact that I believe mom will be asleep/here for a few days.... Aerosmith under these extreme circumstances, have Cancelled the rest of the tour. Uncle Pink told Dad, and something else tells ME that they will need this time....and that I will, that I will. In fact, I feel like I should write a song.... mom always, says that helps:

---If I Die tomorrow, as the minutes fade away.... I can't remember, have I said all I can say? You're my everything.... you make me feel so alive.... -

-End of Entry-

Nikki and I look at each other, before looking at the rest of what she wrote and then back to each other, our eyes wide....and filled with tears, I am.... a mixed bag of emotions: pride, shock, bitter-sweet....

"J-Joe......the song.... it's.... it's EXACTLY what I would write. She IS my oldest twin after all...." he managed to get out, voice husky. "---Her thoughts.... her voice.... damn it hurts.... but I HEARD her, felt her...and I see in your eyes you feel the same...." I see his eyes widen even further, and I KNOW what he wants to do for her, "---The song, the lyrics.... when.... when she wakes..." My poor husband's voice cracks, as I pull him closer.... caressing his face, us giving one another strength despite our trembling, "---I wanna do the song...I want my band to. Joe, Joe it's one of her dreams....to write songs for my band, as well as yours. I wanna make ALL her dreams come true, I want her to wake...I want her HOME Joe..." Nikki breaks down, and God does it break my heart. 

"Nikki...Honeybee.... I FEEL you.... I feel you, and she will LOVE THAT. You are doing the song, and if I know her.... She's gotten songs written for Aerosmith too. She's so fucking talented, and special. She is OUR hero....and, I want so badly Nikki for her to be HOME, AWAKE, SAFE...where she deserves to be. She deserves everything, happiness, love...and JUSTICE. She will come back to us; she will come home...she will get all those things and so much more. We will get through this; she's fighting and so will we. We don't know how to quit...." I sob.

We hold each other for a while before we read more of our daughter's diary including this entry, written not long before Nikki dropped her off and where things went SO wrong, so very wrong....

-November 14, 2003-

-Diary Entry-

It's been one of those days.... something, something is coming and if it DOES.... i will do whatever I can to save dad, save my parents....and the ones I love. I swear it. I need this, need to be with my true friends which also happen to be family. I AM looking forward to it. My parents are itching, I can tell, to want me to stay I mean but in the end, they want to make me happy. They are worried I know....

I got my permit though, so that is wicked AWESOME! And I'll get to go driving tomorrow, mom has been so excited! I think he is more than I am, honestly. But its infectious the enthusiasm.

......

I better get ready, it's not long till mom takes me to hang out with the 'Next Generation Crϋe' as Uncle Tommy calls us. Uncle Pink aka Steven Tyler calls us, 'The Perry Squad'.... Honestly, I love all our group nicknames.

-end of entry-

A/N: Into the Heart and head of Josephine, part 2 done and part 3 will see or likely see Nikki & Joe looking at Josephine's scrap book. So more to come soon.