Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 163: The Ballad of Josephine Part 3 (Nikki-Perry Sixx)

Looking back, reading my oldest daughter Josephine's diary was one of the hardest things I've ever done.... or at least it was at first. But she KNEW, she knew we needed to, that it needed to be done. We heard HER, her voice.... all her dreams, her fears just HER. And the song she wrote, 'If I Die Tomorrow' .... I mean damn....it was EXACTLY something I'd write.... Josephine is after all my oldest twin with some of my beloved Joe's traits thrown in. And Mӧtley would in fact record the song as a single for the 'Red, White & Crϋe album of our greatest hits. And in fact, Josephine would go on to write more songs for our band and of course Aerosmith and eventually other Rock Artists such as of course Alice Cooper.

I should say too, that this night.... the night Joe & I read Josephine's diary...the letter we also read and the scrap book....it felt like she was THERE, with us and that the other 5 children Joe & I share...all of us together. And now where you find us, is Joe & I, still in Josephine's bedroom and beginning to look thru the soul & heart.... of Josephine.

Joe & I, we've finished reading our Josephine's diary.... carefully setting it aside, where I know she always puts it & Now, Joe & I am sitting on her bed...Joe with an arm wrapped around my waist, leaning against each other are fixing to look thru her scrap book. The cover is already stunning, just like my oldest daughter....

"It's beautiful, she is....just like you Nikki, stunning. All six of our children are BEAUTIFUL, so talented each of them...they are all our miracles. You and I made them." Joe whispers tearfully, echoing both of our thoughts and feelings perfectly.

"It took me a lifetime to see that, to want that....Joe, its cause of you at the end of the day and babe, you are SO right---," I trail off, but Joe of course KNOWS cause as we always say to one another & as we've taught our children: you don't always need the words....and now, together we open our Josephine's scrap book......

Seeing now pictures, copies she'd asked for.... of Joe & I, saying they were her favorites, now a photo of me in my black & white stage outfit with Josephine in the middle, small, beaming and beautiful dressed in a mini version of my old stage outfit, and Joe on the other side with a caption that reads:

'I was so little then, looking just like mom.... his twin, except that I have Dad's smile. I thought it was the absolute coolest thing, still do.'

And on the other side of Joe, comes a picture of her from another Halloween...where she was dressed just like Joe, mimicking a pose of him...her guitar in hand, doing her serious rock star face & in the picture she is 7 years old. I feel the tears, I hear her voice...and I feel Joe squeeze me gently at this moment, no you don't always need words.

'I remember dad teased me, pouting' playfully that he wished I'd dress up like him for a change, so I did cause I'd do anything for him. plus, it was a lot of fun! Mom, he loves any chance to 'glam up' if you will, though it took forever to tame my hair enough, to be wavier and 'shampoo commercial' worthy like mom said. That comment goes back to the night of their first date and mom said he commented that dad's hair looked like a shampoo commercial, perfect while he looked like an electrocuted Pomeranian. It's one of my favorite stories.

More Pictures come, including ones where I was pregnant with Amara...which I stop at one, Joe & I am looking at one another tearfully:

"I remember this.... we'd when we found out with Amara, weren't sure how Josephine would take it, but she was thrilled.... always protecting you then, and now. Protecting her sister, just the most beautiful soul. And this day? Man, we'd just found out we were having another precious little girl and Josephine, God her words...were beautiful just like she is." Joe states, tone heavy with tears & reminiscence, and we both of us hold one another as we get our eldest daughter's thoughts on the day....

'Look how little I was here; I mean adorable as hell as mom often says of all of us. But I remember this, I'd just found out I was going to be a big sister to a little sister, which would come then to be named Amara. I know my parents had initially worried, I went from being the baby to having a sibling...but with the way they raise me, I was THRILLED. In this picture here: I am smiling, and I ask my parents if I can talk to my sister and of course they say 'yes' with tears in their eyes, but they too are smiling as I rub mom's swollen stomach with my tiny hands saying, 'Hi, mommy an' daddy say you sissy, I your big sissy Josephine. I will be good big sissy, I promise. I will always play with you, lots & Lots.... You can play with my ollie, berry and my teddy bear. I protect you, be your bestest friend and your big sissy. I love you and can't wait to see you!'

"I remember that day SO well, I was so fuckin' moved ya know? All our so-called worries were for nothing cause we were raising her right; she was already amazing and that's only gotten more and more prominent over time. She was SO thrilled Joe, always trying to help and take care of me...and Amara, she was always talking to her when I was carrying her, and then when Amara came...she was always right THERE, changing diapers...giving us a break as she said, cause she WANTED TO and then came the triplets & Storm.....i mean its like...I mean....." I fumble for words at the end, unable to go on for the moment because I am so overcome with FEELING. But naturally Joe KNOWS my meaning....as I feel one of his hands gently caress my face, wiping away my tears despite his own.

"I know Nikki, I Feel you Honeybee. We're raising an...now AMAZING young woman, she takes after YOU in every way save a few traits from me. she's got the biggest heart, and we've raised her to love all parts of someone, to live for them...and..." Joe breaks down, "To Die for them, for US. She's a hero, she is OUR hero, she's a fighter Nikki...she's like us, not knowing when the hell to quit. Tonight, she is with us, I heard her voice plain as day....and we'll keep fighting too, she will come back to us, she will Nikki & all of us...ALL are together, always."

We share a gentle kiss, holding one another in our way before we resume looking at our oldest miracle's scrap book....

That night, that letter Josephine wrote.... reading her diary, looking at the world....US thru her eyes in her scrap book, was needed so needed. It was very fucking bitter-sweet, but in those moments as Joe had said...we all of us were together, SHE was there. Still God did it hurt, it killed me...that she was there but not, that...that night, our other five children weren't there.... but still, we did it for HER.

Where you next find Joe & I, still in Josephine's room as together we continue to look thru our daughter's scrap book, going down memory lane with our daughter, SEEING the world thru her eyes & hearing her voice in our heads....and our hearts. 

A/N: Part 3, the Ballad of Josephine is up. More to come soon!