Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 164: The Ballad of Josephine Part 4

So many memories, so many cherished.... bitter-sweet memories seen through the eyes of mine and Nikki's oldest daughter: Josephine. The light in our lives seems so dim, but I know she's fighting, that she is a miracle and that she will come back to us. This makes us feel so much closer to her, looking thru her memories.... images of her playing with Amara, her playing her guitar with me, images after her kidnapping and her being in the hospital......and too there things she's sketched, and then we come to pictures taken at mine & Nikki's 10th wedding anniversary, where I gave my beloved the most beautiful & cherished wedding....and in the particular photo, Nikki and I are looking at? It's of us, surrounded by Josephine, Amara, Tony, James, and Frankie. I wish that Storm could have been there, but we will tell her the story......

"Oh Nikki.... look at the US. Our family, unbeknownst to us, was missing our precious rainbow: Storm, but I believe she was there whether we knew it or not... but this day? Man, our children got to share in something so very, very special...our wedding. I wanted them to be a part of it, and I remember how grown-up Josephine looked, so much like you.... I remember that Amara, Amara too just like me, and then Tony, James, And Frankie? Damn, they were 3 then and now they are 8, 8! And Storm is like 4 months old.... our babies, all 6 are growing up so fast, so fast but this we were so happy, so happy...it was the most beautiful of dreams, still is." I whisper practically, feeling so very emotional.

Nikki gently cups my face in his hands, eyes dark from tears & he says, "---I feel you Joe, I FEEL you. And we were so happy, and it was the most beautiful of dreams, still is...because its REAL. And our six babies, ARE growing up so fast.... each...each day it's something different, learning something different and new about each of them.... it's so damn special. Right now, it HURTS because the light in our lives is missing, is dim.... but it's not GONE.... she ISNT. That's what I know we've told ourselves......and she's fighting, fighting so hard....so hard...and I...." Nikki breaks down & I carefully set aside my oldest daughter's scrap & take him in my arms, the both of us clinging to one another sobbing.

Time passes, never mind how much....as we continue to hold one another, till gradually we dry our tears & share a kiss before we continue to look thru our daughter's scrap book, as always making sure to keep close to one another....

The years flying by, pictures taken by Josephine....ones of our house in Boston, ones of her siblings growth, the photo shoot from our second honeymoon she did with the water paints.......pictures taken of Me on stage with Aerosmith, then come the pictures of her & Amara from their grand debut and their MUCH deserved celebration......beautiful memories from one of the most beautiful miracles.....

At last, we place the scrap book aside, Nikki & I am holding hands as we look around our Josephine's room.... lingering, still wanting to feel her and feel her we do, and we miss ALL six of our children terribly, but we needed this...to do this....

"We needed....to do this Honeybee, and our SO very special Josephine knew.... wanted us too and we miss her more than words can say, we miss ALL our children, her, Storm, Frankie, James, Tony, and Amara.... Silence kills us, but we aren't alone. We are gonna get thru this, fight....it wont be easy, it isn't but our family will heal someday, and we will do whatever it takes." I whisper practically, and suddenly the phone rings, I can hear it....and I race to our bedroom, Nikki hot on my heals & answer, quickly putting the phone on speaker.... heart racing & breaking both as Tony aka my precious twin son's voice sounds out....

"D-Dad? M-Mom......" He stammers, crying. "I-I know its l-late.... i can't s-sleep......I...."

"----Miss Josephine? And feeling lost.... scared?" I finish for him before then saying, "And son? It doesn't MATTER what time of day or night it is; your ma & I are there for you and your brothers & Sisters always....and we can't sleep either, we know how hard it is on you, how much it hurts.... Talk to us Tony, your ma & I are HERE, ok?" I soothe my son & really Nikki & I too.

"Yes.... Dad.... It's hard, and I know she's like you & momma, not knowing when to quit. I just.... i am scared she's never gonna wake up, even though I know she's fighting, I just miss her......so much." He takes a breath, a pause before continuing, "---And I know that.... that what happened, she'd have done it for any one of us. And I would do the same for her. I mean she's always larger than life, she doesn't see how truly amazing she is, but she IS ya know?" Tony finishes in a puddle of tears.

"H-Hey buddy.... oh SON...." Nikki begins, sharing a look with me & I KNOW, squeezing him tighter. "---Its OK to be scared, we have the same fears you do though we try like hell not too and your father & I, like you and your sisters and brothers miss her fiercely. And what did you say about her? All of it is very, very much true. I am proud of you, Tony, so is your dad and so is Josephine. Remember we are here, always...no matter where we are at, we will find our way to one another never truly apart. I love you son, and I love your brother & sisters....so much. I have six, beyond amazing, beautiful children. I am proud to be your mother."

Nikki is an amazing mother to our children, my soulmate....my other half. I echo now his words to our son, who calms & feels much better I can tell. WE chat a little bit longer, telling him how much we love & miss him & his siblings & that if he or they need us, we will come running anytime....any place & we tell him before he sleeps to think of what or who he loves & we know like all of us, it will be Josephine chief among his thoughts.....

My husband and I finish talking to our son, call the hospital where sadly no change with Josephine, whom is still very much in her coma but thankfully, thank God there is no brain damage & then we at last find ourselves side by side in our bed after a shower & just holding one another....

"As hard as all this is...." I begin feeling once more the sting of tears, "—We still have each other, we're not alone. All our children, man Nikki...are amazing, we're doing AMAZING raising them. I am proud of them, of you & I. There is NOTHING better than being a father, being THEIR father, YOUR husband & its so strange that I for so long at one point didn't believe that......And Josephine is still fighting, each & every moment, so will we. She will come back to us, she must...she knows how much she is loved and missed."

Nikki eyes full of tears looks up at me carefully, "That was beautiful Jo-Jo Bear, and so true. You are right, right. I love you and I love all our children more than my life." Gently I kiss him, before Nikki drifts off to sleep and I follow suit.

That night, oh that night. A night, a time we needed.... that Josephine knew we needed. I remember before I fell asleep at last, not long after Nikki thinking, 'Josephine, my sweet bee.... we've got you; we are with you.... We are always with you, never are we alone.'

Time would pass after this, rush & yet drag by both & before we knew it, it had been 3 weeks, 3! And Thanksgiving had passed & where you will find us in on December 6, 2003, days before Nikki's birthday & where sadly Josephine was still very much asleep, but she was fighting.... She was fighting.

A/N: The last part of the ballad of Josephine chapters done, more to come soon!