Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 169: Awake at Last Part 3 (Josephine Nicole Perry)

I still must be dreaming.... time doesn't seem to exist & yet DOES. I see scenes from a nightmare.... being 5 years old again, lost.... It's so cold & I am alone. All I know is I must find a safe place, a special place as my parents told me.... then it shifts, seeing my blood spilling over the ground, spreading.... slowly yet rapidly. I hear screams from my parents, my sister BEGGING me to hang on...to not go. I see me, nearly gone on the operating table.... I see the sadness yet somehow; I KNOW that Amara & my parents are ALIVE.

All the things I see are blurred.... yet clear, a surreal quality to them & then the most bitter-sweet of dreams:

Same place I was before it seems, yet in a different place.... I think my parents are nearby and HIS parents.... this must be after my panic attack; I know this place.... it's my favorite café.

"Um.... I feel like I should do something nice for you..." I stammered awkwardly, feeling shamed. When HE.... I think its Hunter cuts me off. Those Dark Eyes I swear see thru me, yet I don't see pity but understanding.... compassion.

"You ARE, You HAVE you know? You let me help you, you're talking to me AND you've done me the honor of calling me your friend. Josephine...." The way he says my name.... makes me feel something yet I don't know what it is. "---You have nothing to be ashamed of, its nothing you can help. And if you insist on 'thanking' me, well I'd like to get to know you my new friend."

"Thank you for understanding..." Quietly, "—Just Thank you...." I go to say more, but it all starts to fade & I enter the waking world.... the light dimmed in my room, beeping noises & I am in tears feeling a sense of longing....and feeling lost....

It seems its night time, and I vaguely realize I am in fact AWAKE. I woke up...I woke up, but I find myself getting upset again & those faces I love SO much, the ones belonging to my parents come into view......their faces a mix of relieved & worried.

Tears, more and more tears.... I feel like I've already cried on an ocean but then the ocean is bottomless as my tears. WHY? Why do I have to feel lost.... that sense of longing? Why does it seem that I am always trying to find my way and I do...but again WHY? Why can't I get a break? But then.... THIS time it's different in that I saved my sister's life, I saved my father's life...my family AND its that, that MATTERS.

"Hey, we're here Josephine.... your ma & I are here sweetheart." I only cry harder, and I feel those guitar callused hands gently cradle my face & too I can feel mom...he is holding my hand, at dad's side. "—We're always here. And I can see honey, I know that look.... you feel lost.... Wondering, WHY? And I get the feeling there is more to it here...more than just nightmares...."

"I...I just.... Why am I always trying to find my way? I mean, I find it...but still. Why can't I get a break? I HATE this.... But then this time it was different; it was more than worth saving my sister's life. Saving you dad, mom...and my family." I pause letting loose a shuddering sob. "---Then there's my dreams, I'm five years old again....in the dark, lost and alone and then I see over and over my blood everywhere. There is SO much sadness, I hear your screams...begging, begging me to hang on. I see my self dying on the ground, the operating table...." I pause once again to ATTEMPT to collect myself, the words bursting out of me like a dam breaking open, "---I dreamed....it was bitter-sweet.... I was in the place where I nearly lost my life, I think. I was having a wicked panic attack and then...." I hesitate to trail off, even though I KNOW its ok deep down or will be......

My parents' gazes are knowing, they are sad...that mixture of love, heartbreak and most of all love, no you don't always need words.

"----Someone, BROKE thru.... i went with my gut, I trusted them.... HIM. he was...so familiar for some reason. He was British.... He helped me, and I made my first real friend outside of our extended family. I think he'd been through some similar stuff like me. I felt awkward.... shamed, wanting to thank him.... he told me he just wanted to get to know me, HIS friend...that it was an honor. It...it felt so real.... I just don't know why, I saw him.... i SAW him, his face.... a name." I stammer, and my parents' eyes widen collectively but I see they are proud of me for opening. "---I got a name. I just didn't get why he; he helped me.... he told me I was special, I don't think I am.... but I know that I am deep down. I just don't get why I started dreaming of him."

Dad looks at mom; I know that look and then they look back to me.

"I dreamed about your ma before I met him..." Dad begins, "I didn't know it was him until I bumped into him that fateful night we met in 86. Then I didn't believe in fate, in dreams.... for SO long, too long I didn't. Dreams can become reality even if it never feels like it, that you don't deserve them when you are sure the hell DO." Dad looks at me seriously, lovingly pausing but a moment, "---The heart is a funny thing, it knows before you do...your head can get in the way but in the end.... Josephine, it felt real...it WILL be real one day. I promise you."

"I once didn't believe in dreams, there was no point until I met your father and I believed in fate, in LOVE...it was HIM and I didn't know it when we met. As for your dream? You don't realize how truly special you are Josephine; you have nothing to be ashamed of. Though I know very well how you feel about it. And he or someone would have to be crazy not to believe you're special. I get the feeling your life will change for the better, it will....it will just take time. You may too possibly be dreaming of the one that's meant for you, somehow, I believe you are. Now.... what was his name?" Mom, he IS right.... He is, it's hard to believe and I still have such a long way to go but someday I will get there. After all, I am too damn stubborn not to.

"Thank you.... both of you. Just thanks..." I say quietly, tearfully and my parents naturally get my true message as I then tell them his name, "---I think he said his name was Hunter.... Hunter Freddie Mercury...." Mom & Dad's eyes widen.

"He's real honey, I remember.... hearing about his birth when he was born on MTV back in the day. He's a couple of months older than you..." Dad says slowly, "---He'd been kidnapped when he was a baby, before you were born." My eyes go wide as they can go.

"I was watching tv with your father when those things happened....and Josephine?" I look at mom, "Remember fate has a way of changing your life forever, even when you don't see it. You dreamed about him for a reason, and I KNOW some day it will come true."

We talked a little bit longer and exhaustion hits me after a bit and of course, my parents are right there with me, my family knows that I am awake now.....there's so many more battles to fight, to come but I have them....I have them all & someday I may very well meet the one I have started dreaming of. And speaking of dreaming, as I fall asleep.... hearing my parents tell me I love me being the last thing I remember and of course I dream.... I dreamt the rest of the night.

A/N: Fate, Dreams, Tears. Next up Josephine will be reunited with her family at large, so everyone and I cannot wait to write that!