Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 166: How Has it Been So Long? Part 2 (Nikki Perry-Sixx)

I am all TOO familiar with time rushing by yet lasting for an eternity and with those moments of pain, the bitter-sweet...the sweet mixed in. I've been through it more times than I can count & that was especially true when Josephine was in her coma. It was again especially true when Joe & I VERY nearly lost our baby, OUR baby forever & on the night of December 7, 2003...... That night I, along with my husband & five other children, were as always struck by the memories, those echoes of Josephine. And where you shall find us, is in the kitchen fixing dinner with Josephine at the center of it all....

Our extended family felt that MY family needed some time for us all to be together, so here we are in the kitchen.... with Josephine HERE but not HERE. She is at the center of it all. Frankie & James are helping Joe & I fix a family favorite: Garlic Chicken, Cucumber Salad, Bread & Josephine's favorite Raspberry-Chocolate Mousse which the triplets & Amara specifically requested. Speaking of Amara, she is looking after my youngest miracle: Storm.... Storm, who is now 5 months old, five months since her dramatic birth, Josephine delivering her & saving my life. It's funny how fast time goes by......

"Momma? You, ok? You're crying...." Frankie's concerned voice breaks me out of my thoughts, as I brush a hand up to try & wipe away my tears. And now, everyone's attention is on me, and I feel more than I see Joe take me in his arms, grounding me as I only cry harder & attempt to answer my daughter, my precious youngest 'twin'. "----It's Josey momma." She finishes, getting torn up.

Breathe Nikki, you're not alone.... You are NEVER alone. Your children need you; your husband needs you.... but you can only be strong for so long.... But then again, your FAMILY is here to be your strength. I can feel Joe tighten his hold, my head resting in the crook of his neck as I breathe his scent in & slowly.... slowly I feel myself beginning to calm and now, now I find myself looking into those earthy browns I love & know so much, those beautiful eyes shining from tears & those hands now gently cradling my face. No, you don't always need words....

"I feel that way too Nikki...." He begins whispering. "—You can only be strong for so long before it breaks you. Time has rushed but has stood still. Josephine, Josephine is at the center of it all. She is always, always on each of our minds. So, she's here with us in a way.... but Nikki we're here to be each other's strength so none of us must carry this alone. We are never alone.... Now, why don't you relax with the kids? I can finish this up....and then I was thinking maybe we could share our favorite kitchen memories of Josephine." Joe's voice is soft, tearful & cracks slightly at the end & then he leans in & Our lips work together in harmony. A kiss that says, 'I am HERE...I love you.'

I do go relax with the kids, hugging them to me.... talking while Joe finishes up dinner & before I realize it, dinner is done.... on the table & we are ready to eat. Joe as always touching some part of me, to be close.

"Um Momma? Can we share our favorite memories of Josey in the kitchen?" Tony, mine and my dear Jo- Jo bears' youngest 'twin' asks.

I can feel myself smile, tears springing to my eyes. I feel Joe squeeze my hand & I tell our son, "---Of course we can son, it's a wonderful idea."

"Can you & Daddy start?" He asks, as his brother & Sisters chime their agreement.

I take a bite of food before then telling one of the most cherished memories of Josephine in the kitchen, "I remember before Amara and you guys were born.... Josephine was a year old. It was our first Christmas in Boston, and we wanted to make cookies. She insisted on helping in her way, proudly declaring that. The flour had got EVERYWHERE, especially in your sister's hair. It was adorable though." I finish before Joe then picks up where I leave off.... or was headed.

"I remember that Nikki......she always had to be in the kitchen when we cooked. She was always watching, asking questions & learning. See, I remember when Amara was a year old & one night your ma & I were making dinner.... Josephine insisted on helping and taking care of Amara. Amara was near, she had to be at Josephine's side. Josephine stood on a little stool beside me, helping me make her favorite pasta." Joe says tone fond, tear-filled & tinged with those bitter-sweet echoes.

"Pom-Pom pasta, she still calls it that." Amara says a small smile on her face, her eyes though are filled with tears. "---She always said cause it was momma's favorite & really special."

"She's not wrong there." I say pausing a moment, just remembering before I continue. "—Ya knows something. It was one of the first meals your father ever made for me, after we'd been reunited with one another after my overdose tail end of 87'. It's also one of the first things he taught me to cook, like when I was pregnant with Josephine. It was especially because I craved it so much with her." The kids are hanging on to my every word & that hits me hard....in the best of ways.

It NEVER fails to amaze me, and I know the same goes for Joe.... but it never fails to amaze me how our children LOOK at us. I never had so many years ago & for so long imagined I'd be a mother, nor that I would be a good one. No, an AMAZING one.... The proof of that is in each of my six children. One of whom, very NEARLY, gave her life not just to save her sister but to PROTECT US. She did it too to save her father. And as Joe & I always say, each of our children are miracles.... true miracles & Joe....my Jo-Jo Bear helped make one of my greatest dreams come true. And that dream is still very much alive, fighting.... fighting to be here......

We share more stories, there is some laughter & naturally those tears & before I know it, we've eaten dinner. The kids insist on helping clean the kitchen, store leftovers & wash dishes & at long last we all find ourselves in our studio AKA the Boneyard. And it strikes me, making me pause as I see Josephine's guitars proudly displayed & in this moment, I hear her in my head......

'This is one of my safe places.... When all else fails, here I will be. Let the music do the talkin', getting lost in GOOD ways. As You & Daddy always say momma.... You don't always need words. Always remember how very much I love both, how proud I am of you & how very proud I am to be YOUR daughter. It's like the saying goes: no matter what or where I am in the world, I will find my way to you.'

'I love you more than my life, always. We all miss you sweetheart so much. You're like your father in that you will always find your way back to me. You're like me in that you are stubborn as fuck & you've got a bigger heart than you realize. You are very special; always have been since the moment I found out I was gonna have you.' I answer her back in my head, knowing that somehow, she HEARS ME.

As you know she DID in fact come back to us, as for when? Well, I will tell you, it's not too much longer from this point in our tale....

A/N: Part 2 done!