His Love Healed My Heart

Insert 3 (Wednesday )

KHANYISILE

I got used to this routine. Waking up this early, going to gym or go jogging. It became my coping mechanism, my way of releasing stress, my way of clearing my mind and just forget about everything, it became therapeutic for me, even my kids started to join me after a while and it became more fun. It felt like we are recovering together, it felt like they understood what I was going and they just wanted to be there. What I love about them is how they knew when I'm not ok and they would come and sit with me and not say anything but in a way they are letting me know that they are always here for me, they did it back then, they still do it now. I think I'm going to use the home gym today. I'll use the treadmill, I don't feel like going out jogging today and since it's winter, it's too dark outside at this time. My kids love their sleep, they only use the gym in the afternoon or evenings. Having 5 kids is no child's play. They can be very demanding. Khaya - 25, Linamandla - 19, Lonwabo - 16, Ntando - 15 and Lwanele - 12, my little tribe, my people, my pride and joy. Khaya has his own place, Lina is a varsity student doing her second year who stays at the school res and the rest are high school brats. The shower always feels good after a hectic hour in the gym. I'm all dressed and ready for the day. Now I must get breakfast ready for the kids.

Kids: Morning mom (as they enter the kitchen taking their sits)

Me: Morning babies

Lwanele: Mom you know it's Thursday today and I have Ballet after school. (She says with a big smile on her face. She absolutely loves ballet although she says she doesn't want to be professional dancer.)

Me: I know baby, I'll drop you off at the studio and I'll ask Andile to pick you up, I'll be in a meeting by the time you finish.

Lwanele: Ok mom that's fine.

Me: Ok guys finish up so we can get going otherwise we'll be late.

Lonwabo: Mom can we use the Raptor today and mom we also have rugby practice today.

Me: No problem. Andile will also fetch guys.

We finish up packing our things and we get going. I drop them at school and I rush to work. As I walk into my office putting my bags down, Ibanathi rushes in with my cup of hot water and gives a run down of my meetings today and tells me I have an unexpected visitor waiting for me in the waiting area.

Me: Nathi who is that so in the morning?

Nathi: Baby Daddy. (that comes out as a whisper but loud enough for me to hear him)

Me: Nathi what the hell does he want, I don't need his drama today, I have a very busy day ahead of me.

Nathi: Just talk to him now, your first meeting is in an hour.

Me: I swear Nathi, one of these day, I'm going to kill Nkosikhona. Bring him in and he is not baby daddy, he is just a sperm donor

Nathi laughs at me as he walks out of my office. This is really rubbing me up the wrong way all of a sudden now he wants to be a father, where the hell was he all these years, wasting my energy begging him to be a father to his kids and now he has the audacity to show up unannounced at my house and office. God please give strength.

NKOSIKHONA

I've been sitting waiting for Khanyi to show up. I just want her to allow me to do right by my kids and I probably don't have the right to call them my kids but they are, Khanyi keeps saying it's too late now and it's not her decision to make. But these kids won't talk to me and she doesn't understand that I need her to help me reconnect with them. I know they are grown now, I mean Khaya is 25 and working and he is doing quite well for himself and Lina is a second year varsity student. I've been keeping tabs on them.