His Love Healed My Heart

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SATURDAY
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SIHLE
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Me:  Please I’m begging you, talk to him for me.
Khanyi:  What do you want me to say to him?
Me:  I just want to be part  of Lungi’s wedding that’s all.
Khanyi:  For you to even think that I would do that for you is very stupid.  I have kids that I wish had a relationship with their fathers but I got myself involved with idiots but now they have a wonderful man in their lives. Now you want me to help you, I’m sorry but I can’t.
ME:  please, as a woman I’m sure you can understand the pain of having to miss out on your child’s wedding day.
Khanyi:  I can’t believe you just said that.  What about the pain you caused Luyanda and the daughter you claim to love.  Why is it always about you.  What about the people you’ve hurt.  Next thing you know you are going to go around calling Luyanda a dog or trash, forgetting that you are the reason he was never a part of his daughter’s life.  Leave now before I say something I’ll regret.  One more thing; if you ever label Luyanda as a bad father, as a dog or trash or even a useless father you will be signing your death warrant.  What he is doing to you now is nothing compared to what I’ll do to you if you ever hurt him again.  GET OUT OF MY HOUSE AND NEVER COME BACK.
Me:  Khanyi please.  Our kids are getting married soon, we are going to be in laws soon.
Khanyi:  As far as I am concerned Lungi doesn’t have a mother.  Please leave. (what she just said hurt.  It hurt so much.  I really didn’t think and act like a mother.  Come to think of it my daughter will never forgive me.  As I walk out I bump into Lungi and Luyanda.)
Lungi:  mama what are you doing here?  (Luyanda just looked at me and walked away)
Me:  I want to be able to attend your wedding Lungi.  You dad has excluded out.
Lungi:  With good reason mama.
Me:  Lungi please, I can’t miss out on the most important day of your life.
Lungi:  What about all the other important days of my life that I didn’t get to share with  my father because of you.  Mama you planned for me not to have my father present.  Mama I never wanted the expensive schools you took me to, the expensive gifts and all that.  I wanted to have a relationship with my father, I wanted to know him.  you had all the time in the world to right your wrongs mama but you didn’t.  Instead you watched me suffer in silence missing something I never had.  You allowed the void that I had to grow, you watched me isolate myself, you were not even there.  I didn’t even have friends.  You didn’t even try to make it easy for me to talk to you.  What hurts the most is that you planned it.  I had to miss out on a lot of things with my dad and for what just because you were rejected and now you are going to stand here and ask for forgiveness.  I never thought that my own mother would do this to me.  Yes you are cold and all but this mama, your own child, I don’t think I can forgive.
Me:  Oh Lungi please my child, don’t talk like that. I’m sorry Lungi
Lungi:  What do you want me say mama.  Your apology is not going to change anything mama.  You did what you for your own selfish reasons and in the process you were not only hurting the person you intended to hurt but you hurt me too.  I was ready to forgive you mama but finding out you planned the whole thing made me very angry ma. I am beyond angry with you.
Me:  Lungi please, I raised you, it was just you and me.  I was always there for you Lungi.  I did the best I could raising you.  Please forgive me my child.  I was yourng and naïve.
Lungi:  It was your choice that you raised me alone.  Had you not kept me from my father and my family, you wouldn’t have had to do all that on your own.  It was your choice.  I can’t have this conversation with you right now mama.  (she says unable to control her tears and walks away from me.)
Me:  Lungi please don’t do this.
Luyanda:  Please let her be.  She is hurt and she has the right to be.  Please leave. (without saying anything I turn and walk out.)
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MCEBISI
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Moving to Durban was the best decision we made.  Being close to family has been great and Lina’s family is definitely something else but I have grown to love them and they have grown to love me.  I feel so welcomed especially with the ladies, the man not so much.  They are very protective of Lina especially her father and her brothers, argh what am I saying.  Everyone is just protective of the girls especially Lina and Sibahle.  Growing up my father always taught me to respect women, treat them like Queens and in as much as I treat my woman like a Queen, she should also treat me like a King.  Dad always taught me never to settle for less than what I want.  Lina is everything I want in a woman and I am definitely going to wife her.
Dad:  Mcebisi when are we meeting this girl of yours?
Me:  She is scared Baba(dad) and I don’t want to put preasure on her.  She wants to meet you too but she is scared.
Dad:  I want to meet her before we go to her home.  Have you spoken to her father?
Me:  Not yet Baba.  Ngizokhuluma naye kusasa.  (I’ll speak to him tomorrow)
Dad:  Khabazela wenza kancane, le ntombazane iyode ibonwe ngabanye abafana(Khabazela you are moving.  This will eventually be noticed by other boys.)
Me:  Never Baba.  She is my Queen.  You know Baba she likes calling me Singela
Dad:  uyazazi yini izithakazelo zakho?  (does she know your clan names)
Me:  Ngiyamfundisa Baba.  (I’m teaching her dad.)  She is a fast learner too.
Dad:  that’s good to know.  Talk to her father, as a parent he will appreciate that and you must bring her so that we can meet her.  I’m tired of looking at her pictures.  Your mother also wants to meet her.  she can’t wait to have a daughter.
Me:  I know Baba.  I’ll bring her soon.
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KHAYA
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This is one place I never thought I would visit.  I need to do this before I marry Lungi.  I want to move on, without having to drag my past into the future I am trying to build with Lungi.
Me:  I never thought in my life I would be visiting you here.
Nkosikhona:  I never thought I would see you again after everything I’ve done.
Me:  I’m not here for you.  I’m here for myself and for Lina.  I know you don’t love us, you don’t care even but I am starting a new chapter in my life and I don’t want to drag my past into it.  I’m getting married soon and I love her very much.  Even though you were not around to talk to me about girls and how to treat them, mom was there.  As I sit in front of you right now  I don’t see you as my father, I don’t even know what I see when I look at you, just as much as I feel nothing for you.  For a long time I blamed myself for you not being a part of our lives.  I always thought that I did something to keep you away from us.  I turned a blind eye to everything my mother taught me until someone opened my eyes for me and made me look at life as it is.  Life owes me nothing, I owe life nothing. I shouldn’t blame myself for your stupidity and your foolishness.  I shouldn’t blame myself that I am not important to you.  It’s a choice you made, no one forced you to stay away from us.  I don’t need you,Lina doesn’t need you.  We made it to where we are today without you and we are still going to achieve a whole lot more without you.  You have made your choices in this life, you showed  us who was more important to you. 
Nkosikhona:  it’s not that you were not important……….
Me:  Please don’t do that because if you loved us, and if we were important you, we wouldn’t be here having this conversation now would we.  When you get out of here, don’t  try to find us and endlessly ask for forgiveness.  We are no longer your children, infact we were never your children. Because of your selfishness you are going to miss out on my wedding and Lina’s boyfriend is planning on proposing soon.  When you get out of here don’t looking for us wanting to meet your grandkids. You will never meet your grandkids.  You have no one to blame but yourself.  We forgive you and we are not forgiving you because you asked.  We forgive you because we want to have a peaceful life, we want peace of mind, we want to be free from you and holding a grudge is going to  keep us insane and you are not worth it.
Nkosikhona:  I hear you and thank you for coming to see me and thank you for your forgiveness.  Who is going to handle your lobola negotiations?  I can always ask my uncles to help you. 
Me:  that’s not why I’m here.  Like I said before.  I don’t need you and your family. My dad and my grandather are handling that.  Mom always tells us that “YOUR ACTIONS MAKE YOU WHO YOU ARE”  and your actions made you.  I have to go and I doubt  I’ll ever see you again.