His Love Healed My Heart

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FRIDAY EVENING
STILL AT THE HOSPITAL
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LUYANDA
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Me:  How do you know Ncesh?
Ncesh:  she is one of my regular clients at the salon. ( I turn to look at Sihle)
Me:  I said to you give me a good reason why I shouldn’t kill you now.
Sihle:  she is alive Luyanda.  She never died, she is very much alive.
Me:  don’t play with me woman, I am not in the mood.
Sihle:  I sent that letter, I wanted you to stop looking for us, for her.  she is alive.
Me:  why Sihle, tell me why?
Sihle:  I was selfish ( I walk more closer to her and right now I am ready to strangle her)
Lwazi:  am I the only one confused right now?
Everyone:  SHHHHHHHH LWAZI MANI!!!!
Lwazi:  please don’t bite my head off.  you guys like news yhooo.
Thando:  just like you.
Qhawe:  Luyanda you need to calm down man and tell us what happened.
Me:  I can’t Qhawe woman.  This woman killed me inside, it was a slow painful death.  For years I was dead inside until I met Khanyi and her kids.  Somehow spending time with them revived me, it gave me hope.  All I did with my life was work every day.  I didn’t even have a social life.  It was just me and work didn’t make time for anyone or anything else.  She doesn’t deserve to breathe and the only explanation she is giving me is that she was selfish.
Sihle:  I loved you, I wanted you to marry me instead of her and she didn’t want her, she didn’t want her to be a part of your life, I just couldn’t deal with it and I couldn’t deal with the rejection.
Me:  it was not up to her Sihle.  She was mine Sihle and you took her from me, I love her with every single fibre of my body Sihle and you took her from me. You took away the love of my life Sihle.
Sihle:  I know and I know that no amount of sorries could make up for what I did.
Qhawe:  Luyanda you need to breathe and calm down,(he holds me and I breakdown in his arms)
Me:  I can’t, she took her from me, she took the love of my life from me and told me that she died and now she is telling me she is alive.  Qhawe she is telling me today that my daughter is alive. I can’t calm down Qhawe, I want to see her suffer they way she made me suffer.
Bandile:  And she will suffer, how could you do something like that and the only explanation you have is that you were selfish.  I pieced it together while you were talking. 
Lwazi:  You ran away with his daughter, balance me here woman, what did she have to do with your feelings for her daddy.
Sihle:  nothing at all. I fell in love with Luyanda before I found out I was pregnant.  When I found I was pregnant, I also told him how I felt and he told me how he felt which was the same way he felt when we met, I was nothing but a fling to him. I wanted him to marry me instead of her and I was hoping he would since I was pregnant with his child, I thought since his father wanted him to marry a complete stranger, he might convince him that he could marry me, that would have made his father happy too. (Qhawe let’s go of me and looks me)
Qhawe:  You know what, go ahead kill her (he says that going back to his seat and he is pissed off.)
Lwazi:  wait, we can’t do it here too many witnesses.
Khanyi:  we could use my basement.  She doesn’t have to die.  She can just suffer just like he wants her too.  I have all the toys to make that happen.
Eddie:  Now you are talking.
Lina:  Mom come on, you can’t do that.  Uncle Luyanda what happened?
Me:  I met her in varsity and I just wanted her to be my fuck my buddy and that I was it.  I was simply not ready to be in committed relationship and I told her that.  Gqi gqi (all of a sudden)  she is pregnant and in love with me and at this time my father is busy wanting me to marry some bimbo who was one of his duaghter’s friends and I was not about my sacrifice my happiness by marrying someone I didn’t love.  Little did I know that the mother of my child was going to take my happiness from me, my world from me. I refused to marry the woman my father wanted to me to marry.  I didn’t care if I got his inheritance or not.  I was going to work hard for my money and which is exactly what I did, after two years of suffering from depression, my family didn’t even know what to do with me until one my uncles suggested I be taken for therapy.  For two after I received the letter telling me my daughter was dead I thought of nothing but the things we could have done together, how old she would be, what kind of hairstyle she would want.  I would have conversations with her because I would see her, she would be sitting next to me, or lying in bed with me or cooking with me.  I went crazy. I gave up looking for her because I was told she was dead. 

Someone once told me they saw you here in Durban but I never believed them I didn’t want to believe them, even if I did believe them, what would be the point of me trying to find you when I knew my daughter was dead.  You were not who I wanted, I wanted so much for my daughter to be alive.  Those were the words I wanted to hear years ago.  Someone to tell me my daughter is alive.  Eventually I had to accept that  I would never see her again.  Ever since I accepted that she was dead, every year on her birthday I would lit a chinnese lantern and let it float to the sky.  I would write the same message every year ad place it inside the lantern, I always asked them to make the lantern Blue hoping that her favourite colour would have been blue just like me.  I know she would have been a rugby fan because I would have taken her to every game I played.  Every game I played was for her, imagining her cheering for me.  I stand in the court room and win every case I handle, because I know she would have been proud of me.  I believed in every I do that she would have been my biggest supporter, she would have been my daughter but she would have been my best friend too.  And you took it all away from me Sihle.  You had 21 years to tell me Sihle but you chose not to.  You said she was alive, where is she?
Sihle:  she’s here in this hospital.
Khanyi:  OH SHIT,FUCK ME SIDE WAYS AND BEND ME OVER!!!!
Bandile:  hayibo Khanyi, there’s kids here.  You and Qhawe can get a room.
Khanyi:  that’s not it Bandile.  Think about it.  we are here for Lungi, Sihle is here for Lungi, she is Lungi’s mom and Sihle just said Luyanda’s daughter is here in this hospital.
Lina:  Our Lungi, no ways, HOLY SHIT!!!
Sizwe:  Princess language…
Lina:  Sorry uncle Sizwe.
Me:  is it true Sihle, is she my daughter?
Sihle:  yes she is.  She mumble something about you before she fainted and I knew that she had met you but didn’t know anything about you.
Me:  I brushed it off when I first met her.  I told myself my daughter was dead and it couldn’t be her.  everytime I saw her I couldn’t help but wonder if she was not related to you.  I didn’t want to get my hopes up, only to be disappointed. I see a bit of me in her but I just couldn’t let myself go there.
Khaya:  basically you are no longer my uncle, you are my father in law
Me:  I guess so.
Khaya:  Mom, dad I might just need your help with the lobola, I don’t think my budget is going to be enough.  This man is going to charge me an arm and a leg for his daughter.
Qhawe:  He won’t, you don’t have to worry about that.
Me:  how do you know I won’t
Qhawe:  because you know she is in good hands.
Lwazi:  he shouldn’t even charge you lobola we are already family.
Mcebisi:  I agree with Lwazi.
Lwazi:  finally someone who thinks like me.
Ncesh:  Oh please, he was thinking like you from the first day he got to this family.  Yerrr you guys have drama.
Mcebisi:  what do you mean you guys, I hope that doesn’t include, I don’t bring drama, I have no drama.
Lwazi:  Me too
Eddie:  Me three.
Khanyi:  Yhoooo I give up. You are all crazy.  Oh my, the babies are kicking
Qhawe:  they want attention.  (everyone takes turns feeling them kick.)  does It hurt?
Khanyi:  No baby it doesn’t.  we are ok.
Me:  I want to meet my daughter Sihle (just then the doctor walks in, it’s a different doctor this time)
Doctor:  Lungi’s family
Everyone:  yes
Doctor:  she wants to see her fiancé and her father (I look at Khaya and he nods.  We walk out following the doctor to Lungi’s room.  When we got there Khaya went to her an gave her a hug kissing her forehead.)
Khaya:  how are you feeling?
Lungi:  I’m ok, just a headache.  The doctor gave me some pain killers, I should be ok in no time. (she starts crying, I don’t think she noticed that I’m here)  why did she have to be so selfish Khaya, why did she deprive me of my father’s, she deprived me of the one thing she knew I wanted more than anything in this life.  ( that just cut deep in me)
Me:  I am here now, we can make up for the time we lost.  (she looked up and Khaya let go of her and moved away from her making space for me.  I sat next to her on the bed facing her.) you look more beautiful than I imagined you would. I always thought you would grow up looking like me.  You looked so much like me when you were a baby, I guess with age you changed.  (she just hugged and cried.  I also couldn’t help myself I just broke down.)