His Love Healed My Heart

INSERT 57

SATURDAY

KHANYISILE

Today was the day of spring event at the kids school and Qhawe insisted on going, at least he was careful not to play games that would require him to use his chest a lot.  I must say it was a fun day,  it was what we needed after everything that has happened.  Everyone is at home now relaxing after the day they’ve had and I decided to pay someone a visit. I don’t know what I’m expecting out of this visit, all I know is that I need closure.  They bring him in and he sits right in front of me.
Me:  you look good, considering where you are.
Zweli:  I try.  I spend most of my days in solitary confiment.
Me:  Why didn’t you listen to me when I told you I would end you?
Zweli:  because I didn’t believe you had it in you and I was wrong.  I shouldn’t have doubted you.  I always thought of you as the young vulnerable woman you were.
Me:  you made me like this.  It’s even hard to love him completely because I always wonder if he is not going to turn into you and start treating me the way you did. I should have killed you but my conscious wouldn’t allow me to.
Zweli:  Why did Sizwe betray me, I’m sure you know.
Me:  because you hurt me.  What you don’t get is that love is very powerful. Sizwe has always treated me like his little from the day you introduced me to him.  He did this because of the love he has for me and my kids, you tried to kill him when he tried to save me from you, you showed him that you didn’t care about him, you cared about what he brings to the table and you betrayed him first.  You married me because of what I came with, you never loved me.
Zweli:  I did love you, I do love you, I really do I just didn’t know what to do with it because I also love Sima very much even though my marriage with her was arranged I fell in love with her the day I met her. I didn’t want to love you because I was afraid I would end up not loving Sima and I didn’t want to lose her. (what does he mean his marriage to Sima was arranged and I’m it’s his own arrangement his father would never do that. I won’t dwell on that.)
Me:  you know Zwelibanzi if you were honest with me about everything, I would have still married you because I loved you very much, you were the father of my kids.  You could have loved us both, it’s not impossible to love two people at the same time.  You did things the way you did and I got the raw end of the stick and it hurt like hell, you destroyed whatever love I had for you, you destroyed whatever love the kids had for you, you made us who we are towards you.
Zweli:  you can’t say I was their father, I’m still their father Khanyi.
Me:  no you are not.  You lost that right when you tried to kill me all those years ago and now recently, you lost that right when you failed to motivate them, to be there for them when they needed.  I didn’t come here to be reminded of the pain you caused us.  I came here to tell you that I forgive you. I can’t live my life holding a grudge against you, my kids can’t live a life holding a grudge against, we would lose ourselves if we did that.  I hope one day you will realise your wrong doings and find peace.
Zweli:  you know after the trial they are going to move to Westville and you know that I won’t survive there, they will kill me.
Me:  that’s why we didn’t kill you, I would rather have your death on someone else’s conscious than ours.  I’ll bring the kids soon because they want to see you. You also need to tell Simamkele that she can’t keep the twins from visiting their siblings, please remind her of what will happen if she does. Bye Zwelibanzi.
I feel so light after that.  somehow I wish the kids didn’t want to see him but I can’t say no to them for wanting to see him, it will help them move on.  All I want is to be happy with my family, our happy moments don’t last very long, now there is this Sindiswa woman I have to deal with.  For now I’ll just let her have fun with me, I’ll deal with her soon, I have far more important thing to deal with right now.  I need to call Zwelibanzi’s mother as well.  I almost forgot Lonwabo wanted Sima’s twins to visit now I have to call her too, I really don’t have the energy for her drama.  It is so quiet in here, where is everyone, maybe I should enjoy this moment of peace and quiet, I know it won’t last very long and I’m craving an peanut butter and jam sandwich with coffee, I must remember to buy decaf coffee since coffee is a new craving. I’m busy making my sandwich when I feel his hand on my waist, he moves them to my stomach brushing it lightly and kisses the back of my neck all the way to my shoulder.  Qhawe knows what these back kisses do to me and he is doing it on purpose.  He stops the kisses and moves even closer to me.  This man is really going to kill me if he carries on like this.
Qhawe:  What are you making Baby Girl?
Me:  Peanut butter and jam sandwich with coffee.
Qhawe:  can you make some for me too please
Me:  Only if you help me.  You can grab a second plate, cup and more bread.  (he gets everything and when I am about to sit, he stops me and lifts to sit on the counter, he puts my food next to me and he pulls the chair and places it between my legs and he sits right there.  I’m sitting on the counter and he is sitting between my legs, I like this. My new favourite eating position)
Qhawe:  this is my new favourite eating position when we are alone. (I keep quiet just look at him because I was just thinking the same thing.)  So tell me Baby Girl, how did the visit go?
Me:  it went well, I actually feel better and I told him the kids want to see him and he is fine with that.
Qhawe:  I really wish they didn’t have to see him but I understand why they want to.  When are you taking them to see him?
Me:  maybe next weekend, I’ll speak to them first and find out  when they want to go and see him.  I’m really enjoying this sandwich.
Qhawe:  Me too, it’s really good.  What are we doing with Sindiswa?
Me:  for now let’s just let her have her fun, we’ll deal with her later.  I went past the hospital on my way back and we have an appointment on Monday.  Remember the appointment I cancelled when you were in hospital, I booked it again.
Qhawe:  what time?
Me:  09:00 am
Qhawe: ok then.  (he stands up and puts the dishes we were using in the sink, comes back and stands in front of me between my legs, he pulls close to him to the edge of the counter and wraps my legs around his waist kissing my neck, I tilt my head giving him more excess.  His lips come back to my lips, he kisses so passionately, I missed this when he was in hospital.  It feels so good.) now that we’ve had the main course how about we take this upstairs, I want to eat my woman for desert.  (He gives me his naughty smile and kisses me before I could say anything.)
“guys come on we eat in this kitchen.”  That was Lonwabo
Me:  We were going upstairs.
Lonwabo:  not anymore.  We are having an emergency family meeting.
Qhawe:  why, what’s wrong, what happened? (he is panicking)
Lonwabo:  You guys happened.  (he moves to the kitchen entrance  and shouts for everyone to come to the kitchen.)  do you mind changing your position please. I’m sure you can manage keeping your hands off each other for a while.
Qhawe:  how long is this meeting going to take?
Lonwabo:  well dearest dad I don’t know, maybe until you guys learn to behave.  (just then the kids walked in, even Khaya is here.  This child doesn’t like his own place, he is always here. Everyone finds a sit and Lwanele comes to Qhawe who looks at me to take her.  he looks down at his pants and he looks at me.  Shit!! I just smile at him)
Me:  Lwanele come sit with me.
Lwanele:  why, I want to sit on dads lap. I miss dad.
Me: mom misses you more, come Princess.
Ntando:  Nele just go to mom.  Why were we called here, I was winnig my game
Bandile(twin):  you wish you were winning, you are going to lose little man
Ntando:  oh yeah, we’ll see about that
Lonwabo:  guys we need house rules for the parents.  I caught them in here again hence dad here is avoiding Nele. (I’m speechless right now)
Lwanele:  what does he mean you are avoiding me.
Qhawe:  I’ll explain when you are 16, you won’t understand it now.
Lwanele:  Actually I understand a lot about sex, they teach us these things at school and mom has talks with us from time to time.  I am 12 years old after all. (Qhawe tries to say something but he is rendered speechless.)
Banele:  wow you guys have a thing for the kitchen. 
Ntando:  what is it about the kitchen?  (heee these kids are being serious right now.  we be reprimanded by our kids)
Bandile:  parents we know that you love each very much and it is actually beautiful to watch and it shows us  how happy you are and it makes us happy to have you happy but there are things that you are just have to not do when we are around.
Khaya:  1.  We shouldn’t be catching you all up in each other in the public areas of the house especially the kitchen.
Banele:  we eat in this kitchen as a family and it doesn’t help walking into the kitchen having an image of your parents about to do the deed on the counter.
Qhawe:  hold on a sec.  Should Nele and Lisakhanya be part of this meeting, aren’t they a bit too young
Sibahle:  Dad they are old enough, they learn about this staff at school already besides when mom has talks with me, she involves them too. (he looks at me and I just smile.)
Ntando:  this is how it is, the kitchen, the tv room are off limits.
Lwanele:  Our bedroom is off limits.
Ntando:  You caught them in your room too?  Hayi you guys have no shame.
Khaya:  how did that happen, I want to hear the story.
Lwanele: I don’t want to talk about, I was traumatised.
Me:  Princess you are being dramatic right now.
Lisakhanya:  no she is not. You guys can really be all over each other.
Zenande:  the lounge should be off limits too.  Please remember we are doing this because we love you.
Lonwabo:  Ok that’s it.  parents do you have anything to say for yourselves.
Qhawe:  we heard you and we promise we will try and behave appropriately when you are here.
Lonwabo:  and that’s all we ask.  Thank you for your understanding.  We love you. (and they all leave us in the kitchen speechless.)
Qhawe:  that was cock blocking at it’s best if you ask me.


SIPHO

I wish Sindy could see how much I care about her.  I’ve always cared about her, I don’t know why she keeps doing this, chasing people who do not want her.  the last time was messed up and this time, this time she is going to get seriously burned.  She is a wonderful woman, she just needs to give herself a chance to be love and be shown what love is.  Her mother doesn’t show her love, she doesn’t even teach her about love.  I really don’t know why she is pushing her into doing this.  She is putting her daughters life in danger. I should find out why she is doing this maybe I can help Sindy.  I am trying to find out more about Khanyisile Sondlo but the woman is such a mistery which could be dangerous for Sindy.  I spoke to Anelisa and what happened to her after she tried to kill this woman made my skin crawl and Sindy is very stubborn.  This obsession she has over this guy is driving her crazy.  It’s been years but she can’t get over it. I don’t know how to stop her, maybe I should just let her be and let her realise on her own that theman  she thinks she loves doesn’t love her, and if I do that, will I be able to help her pick up the pieces.