His Love Healed My Heart

INSERT 113

STILL WEDNESDAY (AT THE HOSPITAL)
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BANDILE
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We’ve been at this hospital more times than I care to count.  The nurses and the doctors already know us.  I’m sure they’ve never had a family that frequents the hospital as much as we do.  Lwazi was definitely not looking good when they took him.  We can’t lose him.
Me:  He’s going to be ok right?
Qhawe:  he has to be Bandile.  He can’t die, not yet.
Me:  what was the old man doing there anyway, what did he want?
Qhawe:  (he looks up at the door of the waiting room as it opens)  it looks we are about to find out?  What are you doing here, is it not enough that he is here because of you?
Him:  I just want to know if he is ok and I would like to talk to him when I can.
Me:  why do you care if he is ok or not.  Were you waiting for him to get his life together so that you can destroy him again?
Him:  It’s nothing like that.  I want to apologise to him for everything that I did which I assume you know about.  I’m an old man now, I’ve learned new things in life, I’ve gotten myself sober and realised the wrongs I’ve done and now I’m just trying to fix things.  I know that he may never forgive me and that’s ok, I don’t blame him.  Even though I know that may be the case I still want to try and apologise.
Qhawe:  I really don’t know how you expect him to see you after what happened, I don’t even want to see you.
Me:  I really don’t understand how our parents hurt us so much and then all of sudden boom they want to be forgiven.  Sure forgiveness is a good thing, one has to forgive for their own sanity more than they need to forgive the person that did them wrong.  You are taking advantange that.  if my mother walked through that door and apologies, do you want to know what I would tell her?  I would tell her to take that apology shove it up where the sun doesn’t shine, which is what I think Lwazi should do with your sorry apology.  In fact I should take you somewhere beat the living day lights out of you, make you feel what you made him when he was just a kid.  He was a child, how do you do shit like that to your own child and expect them to forgive you.  (I could feel my tears falling and I can’t control.  I feel Lwazi’s pain all over again.  It brough back everything that my mother did to me, I didn’t even know my dad back then she never wanted to talk about him.)  Tell me something old man, do you know how much pain you have inflicted on Lwazi, do you know that he has nightmares everynight now because he is afraid of a long term commitment to his girlfriend and you walk into his life and ask for forgiveness, how does your brain work.  Let me tell you what I had t go through.  My mother was an alcoholic and a drug addict, maybe you know her since you had the same habits as her.  she was drunk and high everyday,  slept with different men everyday just to get a fix.  Do you know what else she would do if they didn’t want to sleep with her? She sold me to them so that they can fuck me and she gets her fix.  She didn’t care as long as she had her alcohol and drugs she was good, she was sorted.  I cried out for her to help me, to stop what she was doing but she didn’t care.  All she wanted was her alcohol and drugs.  She watched as they did all these things to me, she watched.  (Qhawe walks up to me, holds me and gets me  to sit down.)
Qhawe:  hey look at me.  I need you to calm down.  I can’t lose both  my brothers in one day.  Do you know what that would to me.  Please calm down and come back from that place.  I’m here ok.  (he holds me in his arms and he lets me cry in his arms.  I never use to cry but being around Khanyi changed that.  “You are human and you are allowed to show your emotions” that’s what she always says.  I pull out of Qhawe’s arms and look at him, he was also crying)
Qhawe:  are you ok (he gets up to get me a glass water) here drink this.
Me: I’ll be ok.
Qhawe:  As for you, you need to leave now before I lose it.
Him:  I can’t, I have to know that he is ok.
Qhawe:  go wait somewhere else, just get out of here.  Your presence here is not doing anyone any good.  (the man gets up and walks out)
Me:  Why Qhawe, why do they do these things and come running for forgiveness, why do they expect their children to always forgive them.  He was suppose to protect him and his mother Qhawe, instead he became the monster under their beds and they had no one to protect them.  She killed herself because of him, she couldn’t take it anymore and the only way out for her was to die.  She didn’t have to die Qhawe, she did nothing wrong, she was trying to protect her son but she couldn’t, she was no match for his strength.  My mother never protected me Qhawe, she never cared, she never even tried to care.  If she didn’t want me, why didn’t  she abort me, why didn’t she give me to my dad. If it wasn’t for my dad finding me I probably would have died or ended being like her.
Qhawe:  we’ll never know why they did those things, probably because they don’t even know why they did the things they did.  it’s pure cruelty and pure evil.  I am not going to tell you guys to forgive them that is your decision to make.  What I am going to tell is that don’t let them take you back to that dark hole.  Look at you, you’ve come too far to go back there, I can’t let you do that, I won’t let you do that.  They are not worth the trouble and the tears.  Just because my life was different from  yours it doesn’t mean I’ll stop being your brother and your friend or I’ll care less.  I’m here for you always.  Go ahead and breakdown as much as you want I am here.  Your mom didn’t love you, guess what I love you and losing you to this is not an option.  Does Ncesh know about this?
Me:  she knows but she doesn’t know about the rapes.
Qhawe:  find a way to tell her.  Do you still get nightmares?
Me:  ever since I’ve been with her, I’ve never had nightmares.  She just has a way of keeping my soul calm without even trying.
Qhawe:  that is a good thing meaning that she is good for you. 
Doctor:  Lwazi Phato
Qhawe:  Yes, what’s wrong with him.  (the doctor walks up to us and sits next to Qhawe)
Doctor:  He suffered a minor heart attack
Qhawe:  does that mean he is going to have heart problems, this is his first attack.
Doctor: Not necessarily.  A heart attack is not always as obvious as chest pains, it can happen without the person knowing they are having one, at times you might think it’s panic attack.  He needs take care of himself.  He has a strong healthy heart but he needs to avoid whatever caused this attack.
Qhawe:  Thanks doc.  Can we see him.
Doctor:  You can see him, he is awake but not for long.  He asked to see his brothers.
Me:  that’s us.
Doctor:  You don’t look ok.  Come to my office before you live, I’ll give you something for the headache and something to help you sleep tonight.  He is going to be fine.  Take good care of him.  he is waiting for you.
Qhawe:  thanks  doc.
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LUYANDA
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Qhawe called about Lwazi being in hospital, so we have to go there but first I need to call my dad and talk to Sipho.  He should be here any minute.
****************************** phone conversation***********************************
Me:  dad how are you?
Dad:  I’m good son, how are you?
Me:  Not good tata. Not good at all.
Dad:  what’s wrong?
Me:  dad do you remember Luleka Gxaji?
Dad:  Yes, but I haven’t seen her or her family in years, in fact I haven’t seen them ever since Lungi went missing.
Me:  she was involved in helping Sihle run away with my child tata.  Sihle also had help from someone in the Njongo Construction Company
Dad:  Are you trying to give me a heart attack Luyanda.  That company belongs to only one person,  oh no!!!
Me:  dad they messed with the wrong father this time.  I am going to destroy them and dad you can’t tell anyone yet not even mom.
Dad:  I understand.
Me:  I have to go dad.  A friend of mine is in hospital, I’ll call you later.
Dad:  ok son.  I hope your friend is ok.
Me:  I hope so.  Talk later dad.
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Sipho:  what happened to Lwazi?
Me:  I don’t know yet.  Let’s go we’ll find out when we get there.
Sipho:  I take it you already know the owner of the company that paid for Sihle’s fees.
Me:  I do, I just found it hard to believe when you told me.
Sipho:  I’m sorry man.
Me:  it’s fine.  I am going to destroy them one by one.
Sipho:  you need to talk to Sihle, she needs to tell you exactly what happened.
Me:  I know man and right now she is probably praying that I never found out the truth hence she never told me the whole story and opted to lie to me.
Sipho:  Now she has no choice but to tell you everything oh and I found Luleka as well.  She is here in Durban.  I’ll text you the address.  She lives in Kwa Mashu.
Me:  Thanks man.  I haven’t received your invoice
Sipho:  let’s sort this mess out, then we can talk about the invoice.
Me:  Ok if you say so.  (when we got to the waiting room they were not there.) excuse me nurse we looking for a patient that was admitted today his name is Lwazi Phota. 
Nurse:  Let me check for you and you are?  There’s a visitors and I have to make sure you are on the list. 
Me:  Luyanda Langa and Sipho Dlamini.
Nurse:  ok.  You can go to the second floor, he is in room 205
Me:  thank you very much.
Sipho:  I’m sure you guys are already well known in this hospital and they probably know your needs.
Me:  You can say that again.  Lwazi what the hell man (I say as we walk in walking towards him and hug him)  What happened?
Bandile:  He had a heart attack.
Me:  That’s impossible Lwazi is as healthy as a horse, what happened?
Qhawe:  His father showed up at his office. (I felt defeated, my body just got too heavy for me.  I dropped myself on the chair next to me.  Not everyone knows what happened to Lwazi, I’m one of the few that know.)
ME:  What did he want?
Bandile:  He wants to apologies
Me:  APOLOGIES! APOLOGIES! APOLOGIES for what? He can take his apology and shove it up where the sun doesn’t shine.  Apologies! Apologies my bloody ass.
Bandile:  My sentiments exactly
Sipho:  ok what’s going on?
Qhawe:  there’s a lot you still have to know about us Sipho.
Sipho:  I get it.
Me:  Lwazi how are you feeling?
Lwazi:  I’ll be ok.  Where is Thando, I have to talk to her.
Bandile:  they will here later on.
Lwazi:  and Mama Bear?
Qhawe:  Don’t worry she is coming. She nearly killed us over the phone asking how we could let that happen.
Lwazi:  You have a wonderful woman there Qhawe.  Hold on to her.
Qhawe:  I intend to.  You need to hold on to Thando.
Lwazi:  No doubt ( he closes his eyes)
Qhawe:  he’s been drifting in and out of sleep.  I think he is scared to sleep .
Sipho:  I hate seeing him like this.
Me:  Where is this old man?
Bandile:  We don’t know, Qhawe told him to leave.
Me:  I don’t want to see him, if I do I swear I’ll end up in a holding cell.