His Love Healed My Heart

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SATURDAY (DAY OF THE FUNERAL)

KHANYISILE

We arrived late yesterday, Qhawe's kids also wanted to come to the funeral for support.  Lonwabo, Ntando and Lwanele slept over at their grandparents’ house.  Apparently they ended up sleeping in their grandma's room.  Some of the family members asking why we only arrived yesterday we should have been here Tuesday already, asking me why I'm not dressed like a makoti and I just told them to ask Zwelibanzi.   Aunt Nokuzola was on my case wanting me to sleepover and help out around the house.  There's too many people here already everything will be done besides Zwelibanzi‘s wife is here she will make sure everything goes well. Me and my little family we decided to wear navy suits.  We were dressed in navy suits, baby blue shirts and navy ties, brown shoes for the guys and red shoes for the ladies. We wore very simple outfits but we looked good.  Good enough to be on a cover of a magazine.  That's what Zwelibanzi's father would have said.  I miss him already. I just arrived and aunt Nokuzola was the first person I get to see. 
Nokuzola:  you are dressed already, who is going to serve breakfast to all these people, you are not even dressed in black.
Me: morning to you too Aunty.  I believe there caterers around here.  You should let them do their job which catering every meal of this day and serving everyone. I am no longer married to Zwelibanzi so I will dress however I want.
Nokuzola:  I see.  (I see she wants to say something else.  This woman never gets tired of being controlling)
Khanyi:  Aunty if you have anything other questions about how things are being done, ask mama or Zwelibanzi or even his wife.  If you’ll excuse me, I need to check on my kids.  (She looks at me for a while and moves to the side and I walk away. I find my kids in Ntando’s room.  This is rare, they sitting together in Ntando’s room.  I greet them and we hug.  My boys look so handsome and the Princess looks just like me in her flowy navy skirt, baby blue shirt, and her tiny scarf tied into a bow.  She didn’t want a tie. She is so cute with her red pumps.  We are supposed to have small red roses pinned to our jackets; I hope Qhawe doesn’t forget them.) How are you guys doing?
Lwanele:  We are ok mom.
Me:  have you decided who is going to speak amongst the three of you?
Lonwabo:  Ntando is going to do it.  I won’t be able to.
Me:  Are you sure you can do it Ntando? Khaya and Lina will stand with you at the podium.
Ntando:  I am not sure mama but I will certainly try.
Me:  I hear you.  (Group hug before we go down stairs and we hug) everything is going to be ok my babies, in time the pain will stop.  You are going to be ok.  There will come a time where you won’t have to cry when you think about him and you will smile and laugh.  Allow yourselves to grieve.  I love you so much.
Them:  we love you too. (Let us go down stairs.  Remember there are a lot of people downstairs some you know, some you don’t know but just remember to be polite.  There is something I didn’t tell you.)
Lonwabo:  what is that mom?
Me:  You have other siblings, 2 years old and twins.
Lwanele:  Oh we know.  We met them yesterday.  Grandma introduced us.  She said you probably forgot to tell us because of everything that has been going on.
Ntando:  They are so cute but very troublesome.
Me:  I am sorry I did not tell you, I really did forget to tell you.
Lonwabo:  It’s ok mom.  Can we go now (my phone beeps and it is a text from Qhawe and he is outside.)
Me:  Let’s go, your dad is outside.  (we all walk out and go outside.  I see Qhawe standing next to the car, he is actually leaning against it with the twins and my girls are having their own conversation on the other side of the car.  This man mara.  I swear he is trying to kill me, he is looking so hot right now, the twins look good too but their dad is such a dish, I could eat him up right now. “Khanyi stop it”. We walk towards them as they see us the girls come to us, greet and hug.  My girls look so beautiful.  I think navy is going to be our family colour. I hug the twins and walk to this man.  He looks at me, bites his lower lip, and hugs me tight.  He whispers in my ear.
Qhawe:  You look ravishing, I could eat you up right now. (I got so wet instantly and he lets go of me. This needs to stop, we are at a funeral for crying out loud. The kids just chose to ignore us.)
Me:  Que stop it. Did you bring the roses?  (I just smile at him and Khaya interrupt us)
Khaya:  Morning guys (Linamandla comes to me and gives me a hug.  She is also looking beautiful)
Me:  Morning my babies, how was your flight Lina?
Lina:  It was ok mama.  I just can’t believe grandpa Tom is dead.
Me:  it is unbelievable.  (One of Zwelibanzi’s cousins walks to us and tells us that they are about to view the body.  My kids don’t want see him like that and me as well.  I just thank her and we walk to the house to join the service but we won’t view the body.)
Qhawe:  I brought the roses and We’ll see you at church ok. (he takes his kids and they leave for church.)
When we walk into the lounge, there’s the coffin, this is still unbelievable.  Mrs Tom sees us and calls us to sit next her, she is with the twins. We sit and the pastor continues after he is done, he calls on family members that want to view the body.  Everyone walks up to the coffin to view the body. Some are just being dramatic with the crying.  Aunt Nokuzola and Aunt Cebisa walk up to us.)
Cebisa: Why are you not going to view the body?
Me:  it’s not something we want to do. (she nods and smiles at the kids. She has always been the nice one.)
Nokuzola:  hayibo, if you do not want to do it the kids have to do it.
Me:  With all due respect, aunty, my kids do not have to do anything right now.  They do not want to see their grandfather like that and that’s how it’s going be.  (Zwelibanzi walks up to us.)
Zwelibanzi:  What is going on here?
Me:  ask your aunties here. (he looks at them expecting an answer)
Nokuzola:  I was just telling her that kids should go see their grandfather; it’s something they have to do.
Zwelibanzi:  says who?  Aunty please leave them alone, if they don’t want to do it then let them be.  (he turns to look at us)  are you guys ok.  ( we just nod and he gives his hand to mother to help her stand)  Let’s go to the car mama, come on boys(twins).  Khanyi we’ll talk after the funeral.  (he walks away with his mother. We also stand to leave, leaving the aunt’s there. Linamandla and Khaya are holding in their laughter.  I am glad they find this funny.)

When we get to church my little family is there, my parents are here too.  I park next to Qhawe’s car. He comes to my side and opens the door for his princesses since they were sitting behind and kisses their forehead as they get out of the car.  The boys are already out talking to my parents.  He opens my door, puts his head and kisses me before he helps me out.)
Qhawe:  You look good in my dad’s car.
Me:  I am thinking of keeping it.
Qhawe:  Do not let him hear you say that.  (I just smile at him as we get to my parents and the kids.)
Me:  Mom, Dad how are you?
Dad:  We are fine, how are you?
Me:  I’m fine.  Shall we go inside?  We go inside and find our sits.


ZWELIBANZI

I see Khanyi walking in with her little family and her parents.  They look really good in those navy suits, if there was a competition, they would be the best dressed family. I don’t understand what her boyfriend is doing here with his kids though.  They are ushered to their seats.  The pastor starts with the service.  He is going to preach first and then the speeches will follow and after that we go to the grave yard which in not far from here. The pastor preaches and his message is about accepting what happened and healing from grief.  He is done and now it’s time for the speeches.  Uncle Sicelo spoke first on behalf of the family, followed by one of dad’s  friends and now it’s my turn.
Me:  Morning everyone.  My father tried to make us ready ready for this day.  When we found out that his cancer was back, he knew he was not going to survive and he would always tell us.  Last night I couldn’t sleep, thinking a lot of things but one thought stood out.  A few years ago I went home to my wife, I was angry and hurt about something that had happened between me and my father, I was hurt so much that I wanted to cry but at the back of my mind I was telling myself that a man doesn’t cry, I can’t be weak.  My wife could see that and she said to me “it is ok for a man to cry, it doesn’t make him weak, it makes him human, it shows that he has emotions. Cry if you need to.”  At that moment I let the tears fall.  For the first time since dad got sick and passed away, I cried thinking that my dad used to say same thing to me but she didn’t know that.  I cried because I never really took some of the lessons he taught me serious, I didn’t take them to heart.  Today I woke up thinking that had I listened to some of his teachings followed them, I would be a much better man today.  I watched how he loved my mother, how he respected her, how he would humble himself when he made her cry, how he listened to her when she spoke.  It was beautiful.  He loved us, he loved my children, he spent as much time as he could with them.  Whenever the kids were visiting them he used to say me “watch how your wife is raising those boys.  She is not raising boys, she is raising men.”  I didn’t understand but today I see what he meant. Right now the thought that crosses my mind as I look at my mother, my ex-wife and my kids, “Son a perfectly cut diamond is not always perfect, it has hidden cracks you may not see but a rough, uncut diamond is always perfect because you can see its flaws and you can make it to be what you desire.” Today I realise what he meant by that.  I miss you already old man.  I will always love you.  Thank you.
As I sit next to my mother I look at her and she has tears in her eyes, she gives a warm hug and kisses my forehead. The last person to speak is one of my kids, their mother walks them to the podium and hugs the princess giving her a warm smile.  She looks at her grandma and smiles.  She starts singing very softly, wow she has a beautiful  voice, Lonwabo, Khaya and Lina join her.  They are singing my dad’s favourite hym song and my mother is in tears.
Ntando:  Grandfather always said that besides his son, his grandchildren were his pride and joy.  All the times we spent with him were filled with laughter and happiness.  He never wanted to see any of us cry especially my mom. He was a fun loving man who played games with us, ran around chasing us around the yard, always went jogging with mom and us in the mornings when we visited.  Mom would always let him win.  He always saw her as more than just a daughter in law, to him our mom was the daughter he never had. He would say that if he had a daughter, he want her to be like her, when we asked why?  His answer was always the same, “Your mother doesn’t pretend to something she is.”  (he pauses a bit and the siblings singing sounds so beautiful as his background music as he speaks.)  He used to say we must act like man, because mom is raising man, but we must not forget that we are still kids and should behave as such.  I know most of you won’t understand but don’t worry we do (and he laughs a little.)  He was perfect with his imperfections, he faultered and would acknowledge his faults.  He loved like he never loved before, he was never afraid to show emotion.  Behind the woman who raised us to be who we are today, he was the man that took every opportunity he got to remind us about what it is to be a man and what it is to be a good son.  He was our partner in crime whenever grandma baked cookies.  (I see a small smile on my mother’s face.) When grandma would punish us for stealing her cookies, he would be there taking the punishment with us, it didn’t matter what type of punishment it was, he would take it like a man. I remember this one time grandma baked blueberry muffins and he called us to the kitchen and said grandma made our favourite.  He took two muffins and cut them in half.  Lwanele reminded him that we wiurll be punished for this and he just “I know Princess.”  We were in the lounge watching tv when grandma walked asking about the muffins.  That day we had our ears pinched, grandma saying we do not listen, when it was his turn, grandma pinched his ears harder and said “this is all your fault so I’ll pinch you harder” and he took like a man.   He was a crazy old man and we loved him to the moon and back.  Our love for him will never die, just as much as his love for us would never die, his love for us didn’t die with him it lives on our hearts.  Our love was cast in stone and no one can ever take that away from us. I would say he was taken too soon but then again death has no time frame.  We are grateful for the time we were given to be his grandkids and him our grandfather.  He always live on in our hearts. Thank you.  (All five kids are in tears, even Khaya  and they just stand there hugging each other.  I stand and walk up to them and I join the hug.  Lwanele cries frantically and breaks the hug running to Qhawe who is already meeting her halfway.  When she gets to him he kneels on one knee to her height, he catches her as she throws herself at him and hugs her. One of Qhawe’s twins takes Lina who was running after Lwanele. Khanyi walks to the podium and takes her boys.)
Khanyi:  Let’s go sit down.  You did good, you will be ok. (they all go and sit Qhawe is still kneeling  with Lwanele, Lina is now sitting with the twins.  There’s another little girl that went and sat next Lonwabo about Lwanele’s age, she is holding his hand and Ntando is clinging to his mother. As I walk back to my seat:)
Qhawe:  Come Princess, let’s go sit or do you want to go to mom (she shakes her head no)  I can’t hear you Princess (he says that with a smile)
Lwanele:  No daddy, I want to sit with you and the twins and Lina.
(he gets up holding her hand and they go sit.  When everyone has calm down the service continues and it is now time to go to the graveyard.  When we get there the pastor continues with the service as the coffin goes down, it hits hard.  I’ll never see my father again, he is gone.  My mom is in tears, she can’t stop crying and it’s understandable.  When I look around I see Khanyi crying, probably for the first since dad passed.  What hurts me the most right now, is seeing my family clinging to another man. They are all standing together comforting each other. She should be next to me with Sima but then again….. After  everything is done we head home