Curveballs (Chapters 1 to 199)

1.1 My Story - You

"Hello my imaginary friend. I'm Lyza and I'm talking to you from my bed. If there's a higher power I can summon, help me! I'm in dire need. I don't understand how everything went from bad to worse. I always heard adults say that puberty can be a confusing time to live and breathe but - hell - this is definitely not what those people told me about.

Getting aroused by a boy or blushing embarrassed every time a cute dude talks to me - I can live with. Convincing the two year older neighbor boy Mack to have sex with me - despite him being afraid to do it with a young teen - just because I couldn't control my feelings and curiosity. I went into some kind of sex rage ^^ That was odd, indeed, but I survived that, too. But within three years this dare I say adventure went into a freakin' nightmare. I want salvation. Salvation from my fate that..."

"HONEY, ARE YOUR ALRIGHT?!"

Mom storms into the room. As soon as she realizes it's all dark and quiet in here she tones herself down. I don't dare to move or even breathe while she's getting closer. A salty tear made it into my mouth.

"I'm sorry", she whispers and bends over me. She gives me a kiss to the forehead while with one fluent motion reaching under my blanket and grabbing my crotch.

"Oh", escapes my mouth high pitched and drowns out a crinkling sound from below my waist. I'm beet red and feel like I'm lighting up the darkness of the room.

"It sounded like you cried for help so I thought I'd check on you, hun. Must've been talkin' in your sleep.", she continues with low voice.

"That was nice, thank you", I whisper back surprised.

"You're welcome, sleep well", she replies with a smile I notice even though there's hardly any light to form it. I wait until the door is closed again and her footsteps get out of reach. I open my eyes. It's entirely dark again. Me idiot didn't realize I was actually talking out aloud. Too loud. But there's a yearning inside of me. I have to actually say it. The words need to finally leave my mind and fill the room. Just not too loud I guess ^^

"Are you still there? I feel stupid to be talking alone and hearing my stupid voice but I've run out of options. You see, this was actually pretty nice of Mom to check on me. And to feel that warm smile. That was our first kind encounter in quite a while, I tell you. But on the flip side I feel embarrassed and belittled by that grab. Am I wrong for feeling hurt in my errr dignity? I really can't tell anymore because in my aura this seems to happen all the time now. If this makes any sense.

I remember that it used to be easy for me. When I was a kid I had leaks quite often but I didn't mind. I didn't care too much. I would just stand there and look down at my crotch in curiosity. And as soon as someone saw it or even pointed at me I would just laugh my bum off and have a good time. Mom wanted to be angry about it but my bright smile just caught on and she couldn't resist but join me and smile or even laugh too: 'Come on, hun. We need to get you to the bathroom - quick'. I never shed a tear. Then later when every now and then I tinkled in elementary school, the teachers didn't join my smile. But that couldn't break me either and I just started coiling my long blonde hair around my fingers and said something like 'Oops, I'm sorry' to keep them from becoming mean to me. That lead to especially the boys trying to tease me and make fun of me. I just joined in with them. It wasn't so much that I was so mentally strong but I really just didn't care. I was so full of power and positive energy that slowing down and being sad about it just never crossed my little mind. In hindsight this seems enviable but it was really more of an attitude problem. So on the flip side I didn't perceive why I should keep myself clean. I didn't want to wear diapers when still wetting the bed. This drove my parents nuts as I was having accidents every other night and on multiple occasions got a chill on my bladder from lying wet and cold. Then one early morning I woke up wet and for the first time my beloved teddy bear was drenched, too. Normally I guess I wouldn't even have minded it too much, but he wasn't cozy anymore. I needed to cuddle him every morning - maybe the source of my super powers ^^ I was already in tears when Mom came in and she gave me a big hug. But then she wanted me to throw my beloved teddy bear into the washing machine. I couldn't stop crying for an hour and watched him the whole two hours through the glass door tumbling between my sheets and pajamas. That's when I started wanting to be diapered for the night. I insisted to be diapered. I was scared to death for Teddy to get wet and be washed again. When finally my bed sheets started staying dry around kindergarten I didn't want to stop wearing my nappies for a long time because of him."

I reach up to the ledge and grab my Teddy. I can't see him but just feeling his old fur calms me a bit.

"For the last four weeks I have started to cuddle him again every morning. Strange that after almost 10 years of absence he still manages to give me power."

I pull him to my heart. All the talking made me really sleepy and before I know I'm already falling asleep.