Poems •Sirius Black• /editing/

Poems - 171.

Chapter 171

"Can you do something for me?" asked Sirius, his arms tightly around Adria who lay with her head on his chest, her legs draped over his whilst she basked in the feeling of his fingertips dancing along her bare back, skin touching, breaths joining, the perfect moment shared between the two of them unable to be ruined because they wouldn't let it be.

The boys had apologised to Sirius, sincerely, with sad sighs shared and frowns all around, but Sirius was quick to diminish the need for an apology, knowing that had it been Adria in his place, they would have acted the same, and only five minutes to apologise was what Adria allowed, seeing as she was already kissing his neck as she pulled him up to the dormitory.

"What?" asked Adria, her voice barely a whisper, her hands touching Sirius' body, trailing down his chest, brushing her lips over the skin she missed so dearly. His arms tightened around her, his lips pressed to her forehead, he was making sure to have her close, to hold her as tightly as he could, to kiss her as much as he could.

"T-tell me what it felt like," he mumbles into her hair, pulling on her waist so that she was closer but that was simply impossible, she was almost on top of him, but neither of them where complaining, "to witness what happened."

"it felt like for those few seconds, that I was being tortured," she finally whispers after few minutes of silence, "like I had lost you, and that wasn't anything I'd ever want to feel again, because I just felt so betrayed, and hurt, and anger in such a short amount of time, and I had this memory flash in my head of you spilling your guts to me about how you just wished to be my friend, and that was something happy, but I ran then too.

I ran away from you, but this time it was different, so different, because I ran from so much fear, I ran away from the problem, and the problem was Keira, and the thing is, if I stayed and you told me that you didn't kiss her, I would have believed you, I'm sure of it, and I'm not sure if that's a bad thing or not, to believe you even after witnessing it but I don't think I'd be able to help myself.

Because I love you so much, and maybe that's not the best thing, but it doesn't feel that way, I love you with all my heart, and I would die for you, Sirius, I would die for you, and I'd kill for you, but I'd live for you, too, and I did live for you, because when mum died, you where one of the only reasons that I was able to get up, you, Jude, dad, that was all, because Benji, Alfie, and Alina, they had so much to deal with too, but they could cope with that pain, they were strong enough, I didn't feel like I was.

But you where there every night, with your arms around me, whispering to me about the future, about how she was always going to be there, and that we wouldn't let Jude grow up thinking it was his fault and that was enough for me to continue.

It felt like I had lost a part of my life.

Everyone says, y'know, don't base your life around a boy, or someone you like, don't stop your life for a silly crush, but I'm not stopping my life for you Sirius, you are my life. I felt as though I had lost a chunk of it, because had you actually cheated on me, I couldn't have given you a second chance, even though I would want to, even though it would hurry not to, I just couldn't.

Because the thought of you, with her lips on yours, and you eagerly kissing her back, forgetting about me, forgetting about us and everything we've done together, I couldn't cope with it, every time I saw you in the hall, or smelled something of yours, or you, I just couldn't bear it, I couldn't bear the thought of you because she flashed in my mind every single time.

But it felt like I had gotten that part of my life back when you told me the truth.

When I lost mum, when she died, a part of my life broke away, it crumbled to the ground and it was replaced with a darkness, but somehow that darkness is gone, not because mum doesn't mean much to me anymore, because she means everything to me, but because you, and Lily, and Remus, and James, and Peter and everyone, Finn, Milo, all of you managed to bring it back, to replace it, and build it back, so that her memory lives on but I'm not sad about it.