Right Kind Of Wrong

the heart won't lie

Jay tells me he hasn't touch any substance in a month and isn't going to he needs to figure out his life ,he looks lost . I just wanna hug him and tell him it will all work out ..I tell to come to the couch I need to watch the boys , we sit down and I am applying my make up with a small stand mirror on the coffee table. He's watching me , you don't even need that mess he says. Right ! I say .. I tell Jay I'm so proud of him for getting off the shit he looks pleased to hear that .. then he drops .. I miss you . On me . I look at him super sad and say I miss you more .. he says .you over me .I look at him like ur stupid .. he says I've seen you with that guy .... I turn to him quick .. what? He points to a small black dot in the corner ..nanny cam. I look at him bug eyed .. that's the only reason you still keep the boys . They know u are taking care of them they can see u from there phones at all times .. and you are taking very good care of the boys and the house .. and that guy ..Matt Jay says .. I'm kinda shocked .. why wouldn't zare tell me .. Jay u have seen the video ? Yes.. I have . He says sadly .. wow . Just wow . He put his head down and says don't they have it on... I look up at it and wave .. Jay laughs .. I only saw one video a few weeks ago . You were getting pretty chummy on this couch .. wth? Jay why would watch that .. I ask ..so I'd move on.. he says . Jay ! You moved on 3 mons ago . I say .. no I didn't he says .. I have to say it out loud and , I've screamed it in my head so many times.... Jay u chose drugs over me .. u walked out on me for that ... I stand cuz it still hurts so deep .. I have to move . I walk to the kitchen and grab a minute maid drink out the frig maybe this will help my need to puke.. I feel sick every time I say those words .. he walks in the kitchen and says you have no idea how hard that was and how untrue it is. I didn't walk away from u for drugs .. I walked away because. . Mason is crying I run to him ..I pick him up and he smiles immediately. Hey there baby boy .. let's get ur cup. I say to mason .. I walk back to the kitchen and make his cup .. Jay is standing there head down like he's lost his whole life .. i take mason to his high chair and buckle him in I hand him his cup and a cookie .. I turn to Jay .. please finish I need to hear this .. he looks up at me and says I walked away because I was getting over obsessed with you .. you had become more important then anything else .. you still are I can't stop feeling that way .. I've tried to kill it with everything. . He says with his guilty voice .. I got scared Melanie . I wasn't able to see me anymore. I just wanted to be me again .. I know that's fucked up and crazy but it's true. We were living together like a married couple doing everything together everything. I freaked out .. I'm so sry... but no matter what I've said or did. Your the only one I can't live without .. I look at him in total disbelief. I'm in shock . I hoped for this mons ago and now when I'm just now able to get out of bed with out bursting in to tears .. now ... he comes to me ... Jay I miss you like crazy and I still love you so much more then u deserve . But I'm lost on how things could ever be different. I'm obsessed with you. I have been for the last 8 mons.. I've never cried over anyone as much as I've cried over u . And this thing with Matt is just away of hiding my pain .. he knows that .. rebound ... but how do u go back to the one who did the one thing u can't get past .. maybe u have been clean . And if so you will never ever know how happy that makes me .. but I've seen my own mother be clean for mons and go back to it .. and many others. .. Jay you have lost my trust , and I don't trust you with me .. he looks up and his eyes are red . I think he wants to cry .. and I feel my emotions kicking my ass. Jay I would never do anything to hurt you never and that's not what I'm doing now .. I just have to be honest with you .. I say .... Jay says be honest with me .. do u think we could ever get back together. . Maybe if I prove to u that I'm not the guy I've been acting like lately ? He sits down at the small breakfast table next to mason and hands him another cookie .. mason loves Jay !!! Mason calls him jase... it's so cute .. Braden walks in the kitchen next and says I'm thirsty . I want juice . So I pour him a cup of juice .. he sits down at the table too..