Right Kind Of Wrong

life is so awkward

Jay and I are standing in the shower now and the water in the bottom is red .. this is the most awkward embarrassing moment ever .. I just stare at the floor and wish it would all go away . It looks like a slasher movie scene .. it's gross . And jay is standing in the water washing all my blood off of him ... yes I feel so stupid .. I know my face is as red as this water .. finally the water clears and jay is clean .. he steps out the shower and grabs a towel.. he says I'll be right back baby .. ummm OK. I try to wash really fast . Don't want him to see me doing this .. lmao . Omg ohhhh this is to much ..way to much .. thank good Ness jay didn't come back for about 10 mins.. when he did return. He had a huge towel in his hand I step out the shower and he wraps a seriously warm towel around me . Awwwww omg he's so sweet .. I walk in the bedroom and jay has left me alone for another 10 mins .when he returns to our bedroom he has a cup of hot tea in His hand . I smile . Awwww he's so dam sweet ... I look at the bed as I'm sitting on the vanity bench .. jay sees my face , the towel looks like we tried to cover up a murder scene ... he wraps the towel up and takes it out the room .. when he returned I was putting on my warm socks .. I'm comfortable in my really cute sweat pants set .matching sweat shirt it's lime green. I like it .. jay smiles and says I love you. I tell him I love you too. .thanks for being so sweet .. he puts his arms around me and says always .. I put in a movie and lay down in the bed .. jay lays down behind me .. when we wake the next morning I immediately look at the sheets to see if there is anything. I really don't wanna get blood on our bed or him !! It's clean . He smiles at me and says baby its OK really stop fretting about it. It washes off ..he knows I'm fretting. Wow this boy don't miss anything .. I'm ready for school an hour and a half later , dressed in Jean Capri pants and a bright pink long t shirt ,white canvas tennis shoes . Hair pulled up in a huge bun. No make up and this better surfice for today. I'm not feeling it . I'm certain Jay has drain me of all energy and mother nature has decided to visit ..which I must say hasn't been so bad so far .. I smile at my thought. . That was extremely good !! Who knew? I do now ! Jay said he had never done that .. hmmm. Why did he want to then ? Too early for all todayhoohess thoughts .. Jay ask me if I'm ready to go .. yeah I grab my purse and we leave . Walking to my locker I realize I left my books bag at home well shit! ! Tammie says hey mamma. Hey. She says how u feeling ? And laughs .. I'm here don't ask much more from me I tell her .. we walk to the only class we have together. . We talk the whole class. . She's laughing at my less then graceful way of handling Jay and his adventure in the the red sea of embarrassing moments. She's laughing .. I can't Tammie. It was so weird ,that's my issue I've never let anyone near me during that time .. she can't even deal with me right now .. she agreed Whole heartedly! ! That sex during this time is on like a million! !! I need to research why ? Yes I do. Because I've never and wow I really want to !! The effect of that will last a while .. the bell rings and I'm already done with this day. By lunch Jay had text me three times .so I decide to go sit outside at the park have my Pepsi and kit Kat bars .. I'm sitting on the merry-go-round feet on the ground spinning myself around very slowly. I'm all a lone so I text Jay. Me: hey baby . I miss you. I love you. Hope ur day is great. I forgot my book bag and that's how my day is ..lol Jay : I'm sry I think I was rushing u this morning. . I miss you too and I love u so much ..can we talk ? Me: what's up ? Jay : me every time I'm near you me : jay: the day I can't shock u I'll be so sad ..me: you like it huh jay: yes !! But anyhow .. are we really OK ? We good baby? You've seem outta sorts ..me: yes jay I wanna let this one go .. I want you to forgive me and I forgive you .and we just let this one go no need to drag it out. We weren't together ..no matter where our hearts were ...jay : you've always had my heart from the minute I met u you . I agree with these terms . I want us happy. Me: we are very happy . I am . Sry about last night. U know me . I just freak ..I don't like new or change ..jay: last night was freaking awesome! ! I love it . I know you loved the feeling ! I'm certain of that . You were OK till we turn the lights on .. me: jay it's a mess and I'm not exactly sure how u feel about being covered in my blood !!!!! Jay: anytime ! As long as I know we can feel like that . I'm good real good. !!! It don't bother me at all baby I'm serious. Me: pure bliss! Jay : exactly .. I've never seen u like that .I really want to see u like that . Please be like that ..it seemed as tho u trusted me not to judge u . I love that so much. I want you that way ..im not judging you baby. I love you .. me: I'm trying .jay : progress has been detected. . Lol me: not really .. I just had no control over that amount of pleasure. .I lost myself in it ..jay: wow . Really. I'm gonna have to step up my Game !! Lol me: no!!!! I can't handle u now .....