Right Kind Of Wrong

so embarrassing.

As we are getting dressed ,I can not look at him I know he will have some smug look on his face .. I'm embarrassed! ! I can't believe I just did that. I've never been so shocked .. I wasn't even thinking it just happened. ... I don't understand. Like how can one just do that and not even know it was gonna happen. .. I just remember it was the best rush of my life and then I realized ok that happen... when we are dressed and back in our seats properly .. Jay turns to me ..I'm looking at the floor . He says I love you . I say I love you too in the most quiet voice ever .. he says look at me .. I shake my head no .. he says please .. I look over at him . He says I told u car sex was fun .. he laughs .. I just look at the floor . We get home and all I wanna do is shower now . I Need to hide from mr. Can make u orgasm... ugh. How is that even possible without u having control.. like wait a minute! ! I've never felt so out of control of my own body and at the time it was good .it was great ! But now it scares me a Lil to know he has that Power... my mind is on over load and I feel embarrassed. And tired ! I feel so tired . I Guess Cuz We Were Out In This Heat All Day too .I walk to the kitchen and drink a full glass of water . Tammie walks In The kitchen too and says u look happy way happy ..but u also look a Lil embarrassed. .. what's up girly she ask .. I'm dying here how do I tell her this .. I tell her wait till we get in the bathroom. .Jay is sitting on the bed when I walk in our room he looks like he won the lottery .. he's happy .not like how he's been happy all day but like I swollowed a dam canary happy .. ugh he's not gonna let me live that one down .. ever . He has my platinum V card and now he has the first O ... the boy is on a roll.. and he's good .real good . Help me !!! Suddenly I realize he never got his O. Which has never happen before . I think to my self .after that magic act he dam well deserves one. .. I'm laughing at myself ,Cuz well I'm funny!! I say I'm gonna get a shower he says come here first baby , I sit on his leg and place my face at his neck still can't look him in the eyes .. he says . It's gonna happen a lot get use to it. And laughs . I'm dying here . I shake my head yeah he says u still can't look at me tho huh.. I shake my head no .. he's laughing a lil.. look at all the other things that have happen between us and u found a way to look at me after them ..he says in his low bedroom voice that says we will be OK .. I shake my head yeah.. he says you can't even speak .. I shake my head no .. he's laughing a Lil .. he says just wait till the day u can't walk .... and really laughs .. I press my face in his shoulder and die just a Lil more .. his voice .it's killing me. Why does his voice change to this deep dark forbidden place .. it's beyond sexy it controls my body .. that's a Lil worrisome! !! While I'm taking a shower I'm whispering to Tammie the details of the day and NIGHT .. she's laughing at me ..well because I'm funny.. but still the whole situation is sorta funny. .. and we can't talk out loud ,he can't hear this conversation at all. He can not know how immature I really am .. I'll be 17 in a few days !! I think I'm doing things beyond my years tho .. and that's makes me ponder ,just how many girls my age are really experiencing these things. Are we too dam young ? Wow I just don't know . I need advice. I should hang out with Andrea really soon .. she's been down this same road ..a few 100 times .. Tammie explain to me that's not normal! I'm intrigued. She says she's never had the O. With any but her self we both die laughing . And I say me too!!!! She ask are you sure??? Tammie I express myself fully YES!!! I'm 100% sure I did . She says DAM really loud and I have to sshhhhh her .. Tammie idk. What happen or how I'm just really sure he all control !! Like over my whole body. It was so strange to know that I've trusted him in this way it scares me to great lengths to know I've let him into my world that deep! Tammie is flabbergasted! And so am I .. I just can't figure this one out ..