Right Kind Of Wrong

blessed

When Jay has loved me for a few hours !! And made up for the last week .. and believe me seriously made up for everything. . I'm so exhausted I can't hold my head up he says I love you so much baby. And I love that Lil thing u wear wearing too. I smile... I love you Jay . Thank you for my ring it means everything to me. He's rubbing my back I'm laying on my belly but naked and I don't even care . I'm so happy and content . Calm and comfortable. This is happy . This is love . Jay rubs my back so soft and sweet till I fall a sleep ... when I wake up I catch Jay looking at me like I just fell from heaven above ..I smile so big I'm so happy I love him so very much I pull him to me and I kiss him so passionately. He says wow good morning love of my life .. I say good morning baby .. he says I want to take you some where today please . I say OK .. he's looking like his life just came in to focus .. we get up shower , and get ready for the day . We tell zare thanks for everything. And leave .. Jay says you wanna eat something first baby .. ? I say sure . We stop at this Lil coffee shop and have breakfast and coffee!! When we leave and are in the car driving Jay looks nervous.... we pull in to a Kroger parking lot Jay says come on . We go in and straight to the florist part. Jay gets yellow roses lots of them .. and a yellow ribbon around them . We leave and I'm overly confused. . We pull in to the cemetery and it's all very clear .. I now feel very nervous. . Jay gets out the car reaches in the back and grabs the roses . He walks to my side and opens my door. He says come on baby .. I get out the car and we walk up to this huge head stone with her pic on the front . It's beautiful. . Jay says mom this is Melanie my life . I'm gonna marry her one day .. I smile .. Jay places the roses in this really nice vase .. the roses look so beautiful. . Jay looks happy .. but sad too.. kinda strange combo. I stand there . We stand for a few minutes I hug Jay and kiss his cheek. I say mrs.rykard I love ur son and I promise to be good to him all the days of my life .. I look at Jay I smile and tell him I'll give sometime .. I walk away .. I go back to the car .. I light a cig and take my water bottle out my bag .. about 20 min later Jay returns to the car .. he's been crying . Omg I've never seen Jay this way ..I'm nervous again .. he starts the car and pulls out . We are headed home . I'm so sad .. this isn't something I ever thought I'd get to do with him .. but it's a true honor too .. wow . When we get home my mom says come here its like 1:00pm so she's still here .. I walk in her room and there is a card and small box . She says happy birthday . I smile .. I open the box ..it's a silver necklace with a small diamond pendent. It's so pretty ! Thank you momma . She says ur welcome and hugs me . Weird she don't do that .. I take the card and box and leave her room. . I walk to my room . Jay looks at me . I say can I please have a few minutes alone Jay . Please . He looks at me ..and Says yes of course baby . He leaves my room and I shut and lock the door .. . I sit all my stuff down and sit on my bed . I open the card from my mom , and I cry till I hurt . This is so unlike her .. but I know she loves me . Some how in her own way .. she does love me .. I sit and think I'm so very blessed . I'm so happy and the tears are good tears .. I think about Tammie gift and look at my bracelet it's such a very special gift . I love it .. I cry harder .. I think of the ring that Jay gave me and the things he said in front of everyone. I cry . I think of zare and the love she shows me ..it cry .. and all my friends that came out last night I cry .. and i think of Jay taking me to his mommas grave and telling her he's gonna marry me one day . Wow . I cry so hard .. I love him so much .. I'm crying like I lost a loved one but it's it's a good thing . These are all good things.. wow I'm a wreak .. I've been in my room sobbing for an hour . I know my mom is about to leave. I walk to her room and hug her for a long time . I cry and she just hugged me to her ..