Right Kind Of Wrong

weeks of pure crap

The intruders have been living here a lil over a month now ... have to say they are on my last nerve. They seem to think it's home sweet home now. Ughhhhh. As I walked in the door from school expecting to be home alone ... I see Jason's face . We haven't been really cordial to one another lately. .. so in fine fashion I walk right past him not a word. Go to my room and shut the door. I lay out my bed clothes and get my study stuff together I have a huge test tomorrow! !! Absolutely not gonna have a battle with him today !!! I go to the kitchen to make myself a glass of sprite and grab an apple. I sit down at the table and the phone rings. I go to the wall and pick it up. Hello .. 10 mins. Later and now that I'm in a bad mood .oh fucking yay !! My ex has finally called to say he wants to see me. We see each other like once a month. But not tonight we ain't. I have to study !! My education comes first .it's the only ticket out of this ... Jason walks up to the table and says u know u never mentioned him during the get together ... my friends and I have a Saturday morning breakfast get together and talk about everything. It's kinda weird. But we love those mornings and we all talk shit. And laugh .. we say all the things we wouldn't dare tell anyone else. Everyone brings some kinda dish. We eat and talk. Usually about the stuff no body knows about. Which my ex ... and well my sometimes revisitor is off the topic even tho Tammie knows. No one else does !! Well except jason knows now. Not good. I look up at jason with this look like I will stab u in the throat .. he laughs .. Jason , no one knows we still talk . I'd like to keep it that way ! Jason not at all fazed by my anger. Says .. u deserve better . And walks away from the table. NO I DO NOT .. I'm the one who deserves No One !! As I walk after him. Now yelling. You don't know me . He turns to look me in the eye. You really believe you deserve to be with a guy who only comes to see u when his gf pisses him off. Wow Melanie. U do have major self a steem issues. I guess I do. But there is not a guy on this planet who is gonna date a virgin who has no intention of giving it up anytime soon. So I get to settle for the left overs !!! Jason has now squared his shoulders . Straighten his hair ..twice .. and is looking at me as if I just grew another head. If that's all the guy wants then ur right. U shouldn't be with him. But let me tell ya something. Listen to me. Sex ain't all bad .. and he smirks like some murderer !! Oh for heaven sake!!! Jason I'm not having Sex because I don't want a fucking std or a baby right now. I want to graduate! !! I want to go to culinary school. I want to take care if myself. And more then anything. I wanna get out of this house. u think I like being the maid !!! U think I like living in a house where all the people are in some type of drug to get threw there day!!! I hate drugs. I will never be around another junkie once I leave this house. But I can't say those things to other people .they will think I think I'm too good. And believe me I have enough people telling me. I think I'm too good. FUCK. This. Why am I explaining myself to u . Why do u care who fucks me over ? I walk away quickly . Because I know I'm about to cry. I always cry. I'm the saddest person ull ever meet. But you'd never ever know. .. as I go in my room and burst into nobody understands me tears. I think wait. I just told this guy my deepest feelings. Why would I do that ? Now I'm really really mad. And the tears are pouring out. 30mins later when I pull myself together. I go to take my shower and wash off all the makeup .. I'm warm in my pj's now seated at the table books laid out in front of me ready to study. You got to be kidding me. Someone is at the door. My sister her dude her kids and Tammie have arrived. Wow. Family reunion! ! Oh and don't forget my sisters dude has brought his best buddy. Oh douch bag scooter. Can this get any worse???!!!!! And of course I must entertain these life rejects .. ahhhhhj. OK so they are all now in the dining room. Talking smack eating. Drinking. Smoking. Ugh scooter who has a lil crush on me comes over and sits right next to me he smells of weed. No no no. He starts talking .. hey beautiful how are ya. I'm great. With a smile that says bite me . Roger my sisters dough sits on the other side of me saying what's up mel... I hate him so much !! We have major issues. I deal with him on one level. He is sissy dad . I say nothing I wanna know about ..he finally catches on to what I've said . He's slow.. but finally he laughs. (I don't wanna know what part of him is up ) I must have had this look of total disgust on my face when jason walked in. He looked at me with this look of ..I feel so sorry for u.