Right Kind Of Wrong

still fear full

Jay says I wanna ask u something .. OK I say. Has something happen between u and Sam ? Like ever? NO!! Don't get mad he says in his ever and always calm voice. I'm not mad . But why are u asking that ? I ask .. because the last few times I've seen u two together he is always helping u out or hugging u. Jay he is my friend . I say as if we have had this conversation before ,oh because we have. . I put the book down and face him .. what's this about Jay ? I ask. This is about people are always hugging on u. It's weird because u are a very hands off kinda person and u really don't like it when people touch u .. he says calmly. I let u touch me .. I whisper. He smiles . But only so much .. he says in a bashful kinda way. And smirks at .. oh can we not have that conversation tonight .. I think to myself. I just get off the bed and walk to my closet and take out two out fits and lay them on the bed .. Jay is watching my every move .. I have to get these out so that Tammie can borrow them. She's coming by in a Lil while to pick them up.i explain .. Jay is looking at me like he's expecting me to perform. . Oh which reminds me I never did ask him if he saw me sing tonight. We're u there tonight when I was singing? I ask. Yep! He says I throw my hands over my face .. what? I've heard u sing lots of times. What's the big deal .. he says .. u have heard me sing lots of times.. I declare .. umm yes I have .u have ur ear buds in and u sing .. I've seen it with my own two eyes too. He's now being a smart ass. . Oh OK if u say so .. Melanie last week u were belting out a song about what's ur mommas name child. Or something like that. And I watched u . You peeping Tom looking ass mf.. Jay bust out laughing I wasn't peeping. I was outside playing b ball and well the whole neighborhood heard u. .. oh wow note to self no more ear buds. BTW the song is called what's your mommas name by Tanya Tucker . There is knocking on the door and I'm expecting Tam .. but instead it's my sister and both of her daughters sissy is running at me. I catch her mid air and swing her up in my arms and tickle her. My other niece doesn't care for me all too much but I mess with her anyway just so she will whine ,as she walks past me I rub her hair all over her head and say hey rendy . She snarls at me .. I laugh . Dee has a black eye and looks like she has had her ass kicked. I freak . What happen ? I ask. Dee says I beat his ass. That's what happened. . From the looks of it he got in a few licks. I say . Jay is laughing . Yeah one or two .. she says. Wow . When are u two gonna stop this mess. We're the girls there . . Yep ! She response. Oh lord . Well mom will be home soon yall can get high and forget all about it. I say. While rolling my eye. That's the plan she says. I bet ! Everyone that knows me knows I'm very very very antidrug !!! I DONT DO ANYTHING but smoke cigs and have drink every once in a while. I will get away from this family one day ! I'm working on it very hard my 4.0 is gonna get me out of here and I'll never be around junkies ever again . That's always been my plan. They have all chose drugs over me and I will not put myself in that situation ever again bet !! So Jay is now holding sissy showing her his phone some kinda game on there I guess ... rendy is playing with stuff she brought in a purse .. Dee is mouthing off about her man .. and I'm thinking about all the shit this family does .. it beyond me . I want a simple life when I grow up. I want a nice house a nice car. And great job that I love , a few kids and a husband that loves me and don't put anything before me and the kids. Is that too much to ask for. Well prolly my pipe dreams are to big . I look over at Jay and he's so into the games they are playing and he's smiling so big. I really do love him.