Right Kind Of Wrong

Street fight

Jay jogs out to me and walks beside me. I stop and turn toward him and scream stop go home !! He says it's dark I'm not gonna let u just walk alone .. I take off again. He's right by my side I turn and decide this time not to scream my business out to my neighbors. . Jay u don't want me. So just go home . I need to walk alone I'll be fine . I use to do this all the time before you came here .. he says I can't as he's looking at the ground . I say Jay I've let you
set the pace of this relationship every single moment has been on ur terms and time line and don't think for a fucking min. I didn't see the jedi mind tricks u played on me ..I allowed them ! Or they wouldn't have happen. And when u decided to choose drugs over me I still loved you ! I would have been with you and u dam well know that. I've chose you over everything! ! I've never said no to ANYTHING. Even if I didn't agree with it ,even when I was scared ! You have become my strongest weak ness.. I let you in Jay . I gave you all my TRUST !!! I've done things I said I'd never do. Like? He ask . Omg! Like being with you after knowing u were smoking weed ,popping pills !! Yeah u thought I had no idea huh. . I made a serious promise to myself I'd never allow any guy to have me so fucking caught up in him that I'd be with him even while he was on anything. And I know I'm not one to be with a guy who puts hands on ANY female. You lost my respect on that one .. and you've done it to me .. Jay hasn't took his eyes off my face and I've looked him straight in the eyes the whole time I'm telling him all this .. he needed to know I'm serious here .. I'm hurting so bad now u know that pain that lances threw ur chest that emotional pain the one that says I've fallen for the right kinda wrong .. he's the best kinda lover .he makes me feel so dam good like another level good . But his character may not add up to the same height .. he loves me outside the bedroom just as well he's all that I want in a man. But all the things I don't want too. I'm confused and I'm in pain .I wanna run . Literally run till I can't feel this anymore. I'm crying so hard . I need space from him right now . He says she was trying to hurt u ,and I flipped out . And I was hurting from thinking u might have went to see him . I didn't hurt her I had her . I just wanted it to seem as though I could have .. I had to make it clear to her that I wouldn't stand for her enter fearing in my relationship any longer .. fear makes people back off . And sexual tension makes woman respond . And I knew she would do what I said .. I'm sry I didn't make this up .it is what it it's. I'm sry I've learned the game .. he says .. no ! You have dam well perfected it !! But that's just it. It's a fucking game . To bad not all girls are smart enough to see threw ur shit. . He says what I have with u isn't a game. . Or a lie .. Melanie I would never ever hurt u . I'm not on drugs anymore and I'm not gonna I've made u that promise . I'm gonna keep it. I was hurt that you slept with him so fucking easily! ! I had to wait for ever and here this guy walks in the house and u throw it on him .. we were together for mons and u never did that to me. .. what does he have over you .. Jay ask .. you see that's just it Jay it was never about him . It was about you !! It was about needing my pain eased for a Lil while .it was about the burn u left on my soul when u said u chose drugs over me ,and left me feeling like I wasn't enough . It was u fucking with my emotions! !!! And my self esteem! ! It was about you leaving me with my very first heart break !! COMMON DENOMINATOR HERE YOU!!!! I turn and walk away he doesn't follow me or yell. Nothing. I'm at the end of the street before I look back . He's not there anywhere and that pain is back worse then ever . I see Rick pulling up .. he opens the door and says get in .. he sounds mad ! When I'm in the seat he buckles me in .. and pulls off at top speed. OK Rick is mad .. we pull up at the park . He says get out . OK then .. I get out . I go over to the swings where Jay is sitting he's holding his head .. wth? I say Jay why am I here .. because it's ur happy place and all I want is for you to be happy. . The pain lances threw my chest and both arms. It's killing me to feel this much pain . Jay I can't keep up this level of pain ..I tell him . He looks up at me and shakes his head yes . He looks like he wants to cry .