Right Kind Of Wrong

Italy

The night before I'm leaving for Italy Rick has invited everyone I've ever known in my whole life over for a going away party .. it's fun . I've packed everything I'm taking and I've cleaned my room up . Hoping they stay out if it while I'm gone .. there is seriously 70 people standing in my back yard . Rick is cooking on the grill .and Jay is holding a beer in his hand altho I haven't actually seen him drink it .... I'm watching him so close I need to burn the image of him in my mind . I'm so afraid to leave him .. I'm so afraid of going period . This is weird , small town girls like me don't pack and leave out of the country ..it's just too big .. it's too much to take in .. I shake my head to get rid of those thought. I think ,I think my head is a etch a scetch sometimes . Jay looks up and smiles as I walk down the four steps out side our back door. There is four steps. I'm acting insane again. I think I'll forget this place .. it's literally 54 days .. till I walk back in this house . It's not that long . I walk into Jays arms and he hugs me ..with one arm the other is still holding his full beer . He says look at this turn out u will be missed baby girl . I smile up at him and Tammie who hasn't left my side . But to pee is back now .. and sissy is with her. Sissy says I pee pee .. we laugh and she reaches for Jay . He hands me his beer which isn't full. As I'd thought . And he takes sissy he's kissing her face .. she giggling hard . He says this one is gonna miss you too. I walk away . Not one word .. I'm done with the guilt trip . It's been on going all day .. Tammie follows me . Hey u OK ?she ask . Yes . I'm fine I'm just over the guilt trip he's been pouring on me all day .. Mel he loves u and he's sad ur leaving. Let him deal in his way . . Tam u don't think I'm dealing with that too or leaving sissy or you. I cry . Tammie says come on let's fix ur beautiful face .. we walk in the house and go straight to my room . I sit down on my bed. Tammie says everything is gonna be OK I talk to God .and he's got you me sissy ur mom Rick and Jay .. we are gonna Gonna be OK , Mel we will be here when u get home . It's been 3 hours and these people are still going strong and I've gotta have time with Jay before I leave . I have to be at the airport by 10 am .. so yes I need to be alone with Jay now ... I yell to everyone come give me a hug I'm going to bed , I have to get up super early . Each person hugged me individually, and said bye see ya in 8 weeks . Love ya . It took for ever to say bye to all of them .. I walk in the house and go straight to the shower . It's been a very long day .and i feel my night will be all night. I can sleep on the plane. For our 12 hour flight . Yay . When I walk in the bedroom Jay is sitting on the bed he looks like he's been told he could never ever have sex ever again. Lol... he's so sexy when he's sad . Or mad or happy. ...OK all the time .. but really sexy when he's mad ... yum .. I love him so very much this is killing us both . But I'm not sure either of us can say that ... Jay peers up at me in that sexy sad side glance way and I think I just cream my jeans .. or well towel .. Cuz I've yet to get dressed . I hoping this man will ravish me very soon . He's just looking at me. I walk over to him and sit in his lap. He can't even .. he just can't . He puts his hand on my thigh and one on my back .. he says this is killing me Melanie. . I say I know me too . I hug him tight to my chest and he just laid his head on my boobs... I say come to bed with me . He looks up in this painful stare at my face and says I'm not sure I can baby ..