Right Kind Of Wrong

his love is beyond anything

I reach down and take his shirt in my hands I pull it up and he leans over so I can take it off .. when the shirt is on the floor and he stands up right again I look him over ..he looks so much thinner .. I can see his ribs and hip bones.. I look up at his face and he's staring in my eyes .. he says what baby stop looking at me like that please .. he leans in .. Jay what's going on ..he steps back .. he looks sad . Jay ? He says nothing baby . Jay have you been on drugs again ? No. I haven't I swear . Then why do u look like u haven't eat in 6 mons ...? Look at me Jay ! He looks in my eyes I'm about to cry .. I feel it in my jaw.. that cry is coming pain. Crazy .. he looks broken .. Jay please talk to me . He says I wanna make love to you. Please .. I walk away . I stand by my bed and I start to cry .. he walks up to me and says baby I'm fine I promise . He says I just lost a lot of weight . Why? Jay ? . Because I was messed up for a while .. on drugs ? No , on you . I turn, this is my fault .. no, baby not at all . It's my fault I lost my way .. but I'm OK .. baby I promise you I'm OK .. he pulls me into his arms and holds me .. he says can we get in the bed now baby . I climb in the bed and Jay is over me taking my clothes off .. he says you have lost weight too .. I look away . He says you can go off on me and pretty much call me a Crack head ..but I can't tell you ,you have lost weight too. I dance for a living ..I say .. and yeah I've had a few people tell me I've lost some weight. But you have lost a lot .. I know dad had a fit .. he says .. yeah me too .. I say . Jay please eat .. he smiles.. he says you don't ever have to beg me .. I push him .. he kisses me . When we are both nude .. Jay has started kissing my belly licking and kissing. It feels so good .but I just need him in my arms so bad .. he moves up and kisses my mouth and I wrap myself around him tight . I have my face in His neck now and he whispers what baby ? I say I didn't say anything . He says you didn't have to , I know you Melanie . I move my face to his chest . He's laying beside me .. he says talk to me baby please I'm begging. .. I'm scared I say .. he says of what baby . That you will won't to leave after.. I don't want you to leave . I want us to find away to be together again. . He hugs me tight to him . He says I don't want to leave . I wanna wake up with you in the morning. . I shake my head yes.. he says baby we can figure it all out . I shake my head yes again. He is rubbing my hip and holding me . I look up and say Jay , I love you . He says I love you too. Do u mean it ?I ask . He says I'd never say it if I didn't mean it. Yes baby I still love you very much . I wouldn't be here right now if I didn't .. .. I hold him tight . He says you mean it ? Do you still love me ? Yes Jay I love you so much . I promise I do .. and I've found out that living with out u is close to impossible. . I say ..he put his hand between my thighs and I fell apart .. it was the best feeling . Like omg! Help me .. he ask ..does it feel good baby ? Yes I whisper .. his face is in my neck .. and he says I love you .. I love you to I pant back at him .. he seems like something is wrong .. he hasn't lifted his head . Jay what's wrong .. he shakes his head no .. but still want lift his face. . He's still working the O button slowly .. it's transcending .. perfect .. loving . But I'm scared he don't wanna do this . Like something is wrong me will not lift his face . Jay look at me . I say . He shakes his head no . ... wth? He has. Never done this .. I try my best to lift him ..he ain't lost that much weight he's still solid ..he turns his face away from me. Moves his hand and is just laying here on me .. I start crying . He can't be with me ..