Right Kind Of Wrong

feeling nervous

We are not to far from home , Jay is getting way to cozy for us to be in a van with our parents !!! He's been going under my clothes we have three blankets on us. So I know they can't see or anything but still I'm not a quiet lover ,so yeah. We can not go there but Jay is trying so hard. I whisper we can't can't , he says I can . I giggle, he says let me .. in his sexy whisper voice that makes my insides melt .. he's put his hand down my pants and is going for it. I move away a Lil .. he whispers please , and move back to him. . He's doing this ,and I can't even .. I'm trying so hard not to breath to heavy , and I'm hiding my face in the blanket. Jay Says baby let me .. I know exactly what he wants .. and we can't !!!! He says I got u , I promise they will not know anything. ... Jay whispers trust me please ... I shake my head yes .. he's in .. laying behind me , we look like we are just spooning watching a movie .. he's in and I want to move . I do a few times , and he holds me tight to him every time , I can sorts rock back and forth with out being to obvious. But it's driving me bat shit crazy !! I want more right now. Jay says please baby move just a Lil more . I do and he's holding me and he drops his head down to the middle of my shoulder blades and I can feel him breathing he's trying so hard not to breath to fast . He pulls the blanket up to his face and I feel him shudder . I know he's done .. he stays there for a few minutes. . He finally puts his mouth to my ear and says I love you. I shake my head yes. he's holding me so tight and all I can think of is I'm gonna brameak his heart. It's killing me . We pull in the drive way. Home sweet home . We been back home for 2 weeks and I've yet to tell Jay I'm going to Italy . I just haven't been able to . And we are busy people. . Tomorrow is Saturday tho and I'm not working tonight. Jay don't work on weekend . Usually. So I think tonight will be my best bet.. I decide I need to look extremely good , maybe he won't leave me forever .. we have been arguing a Lil more sense we got back , our lives are stressful.. and I'm agitated with myself .. this decision hasn't been easy at all . I do not wanna ruin what Jay and I have ,but I also don't wanna wake up one day him gone me poor and 3.5 kids on my back .. I have to do this . When Jay walks in the door he looks so good. Like wow I really can't do this .. I'm all done up . Make up hair done clothes on fleek .. yep I gave this look some serious love .. tight jeans .. yeah. I'm terrified .. he walks up to me and says you look so good baby. And kisses me full on.. OK ! He ask are we going somewhere? No . Not umless u wanted to . He says I know ur not working tonight .....are you ? No I'm not .. I made you dinner . I say . He looks at me like u did ? Yeah. I did . His favorite beef stew .. and corn bread .. he says you do love me don't you as he's snuggled up to my neck. I say yes in really do .. he smiles . I can feel him smile... we sit down at the dinner table and I make his plate and glass of sweet tea . He looks happy. I can't do this now .. he's eating and he says so I guess I owe you... I look at him confused. He says you made me dinner .. I say Jay I've always made dinner , I've just been so busy .. he says I know . It's OK . But you did make this delicious meal . And it's really really good . So I want to do something for you .. I look shy .. what did u have in mind? I ask . He says you'll see.. he's smiling . After dinner we walk in our room I light a cig. And sit down Jay says imma get a shower real quick baby ..I'll be right back . He's been working outside for the past week .so he gets a shower when he gets home .. I sit on the bed so worried I can't sit still.. I have to do this tonight .. but what's his plan ? He said he wanted to repay me ... not that I expect that .. he never has said it like that before. . Ughhhhhh I'm reading way to much in to all his words ..cuz I know he's gonna freak out !!!!