Right Kind Of Wrong

I can't feel my head

I think I'm now the retard because for the life of me I don't know why I didn't just say it back. Why? Why? Didn't I just slow down and say it back ... my response . ... I laughed . Yep u read that right. I laughed . This giggle really that said u must be insane. Completely out of ur fucking mind. He is still staring at me but now in complete disbelief! ! Jay come on you love me ? I ask .. he shakes his head yes very slowly. I'm in shock , that's it utter shock , then it hits me like a ton of bricks .. Are u saying that to get me to sleep with u? Yep I just said that out loud. Well asked it out loud. And well kinda loud. He's mad !! No! Sweet heart believe me I could have gotten laid tonight without even trying. He's using his don't fucking play with me voice. He's really mad. Are you mad that u didn't FUCK said whore??? I scream at him .. Nope ! He responds ... then what the FUCK are u saying. Now he's using his u must be fucking retarded voice as I did a min ago. And tries to sound it out for me in simple terms. I love you ... and is giving me the what part of this don't u get face.. ummm the fighting ,not spending time with me ,not making out with me , you don't even ask me how my FUCKING DAY WAS !! I'm yelling at him ..and flinging my arms about and pretty much looking like said retard.... he swishes his hand threw the air and says I'm done here , he walks to his room and slams the door I smell the pie so I have go to the kitchen and get it out the oven. Yep fresh strawberry pie .. at 4:56 am .. breakfast !! I hear my mom and Rick come in the house .. great now this conversation is on hold till at least 2:15 tomorrow when mom leaves for work. Great fucking great !!! I decide to cut my self a piece of what the FUCK just happen .. pie .. big ol slice of it .. I cut a few pieces of cream cheese to put on top .. Rick comes in the kitchen , that smells heavenly! He says . Want some ? It's great for heart ache. I mean lack of sleep , oh shit it's just good here have some I say as I put his on the plate .. Rick is standing next to me, looking at me out the corner of his eyes like his son does but his face says what happen ? He his hot ... I can totally see exactly where his son gets it from. But he's not as sexy and my belly sure as hell don't tighten when Rick looks or talks to me .. ur son I whisper cuz mom just can't know .. and maybe now there is nothing to know .. we sit down at the table and Rick looks at me like OK go on. We talk all the time and he's great with fatherly advice, but I'm not so sure I can have this conversation with RICK FUCK boys DADDY .. what's wrong Mel. U look very upset. Rick ask. I take a deep breath and blow it out hard , I pick up my fork and start to destroy this pie , I'm whispering because neither mom or Jay need to hear this.. u know ur son and I have been ... well I don't even know what to call it. Dating? Well we fight a lot . And tonight was no exception. I say .. I stop and look at Rick like there u have it ... he stops eating looks at me and says. Any two people on this earth that come together as a couple have to learn to except there differences, I'm lost , so he cont.. men and women are polor oposites .. we think differently we live our lives differently. And getting to a place where u except those things takes time and fights he laughs . Yall love each other. I've seen Yall . It's plain to see u two are quit smitten with each other. Give ur selves time to figure it all out. He looks at with his question face .. Rick he told me he loved me .. I scream in a whisper. . He does Melanie . I talk to him earlier tonight he was at my father in laws house with me . And we talked about you for three hours !! He says in his whisper scream. I lol .. Rick is funny. Rick I didn't say it back. I look at the plate of pie that I have yet to take one bite of but have completely destroyed all over this plate it looks scary .. Do u love him ? He ask. YES !! I say immediately. But can't figure out why I just realized this. .. I love him. I love Jay. Rick I've never had anyone ever tell me they love me . No one . And I've never loved anyone .. well not in a relationship. But I messed up big time didn't I ? Rick has his ouch I'm not sure what to say face on. .. and I think part of me just died. The tears roll down my face like rain. And the only thought I keep having over and over in my head is why why didn't I say it back. .. ? Why .