Right Kind Of Wrong

time stands still when ur not having fun

Three days has past and Jay hasn't called or text me .. I'm still at zare house I just can't deal with home life and I hate being my bed with out Jay . I talk to Matt and told him I couldn't lead him on any longer . That it's not fair to be with him when I'm clearly not over my ex.. I need to be alone for a while and get right with me .. I'm cleaning the house and watching the boys while zare is out having lunch with a few friends .. I've pretty much slept for the last three days . So today I know I have to get up and face reality ... I'm alone ! I ask the boys if they wanna swim .they do so they go put on there trunks and u get ready . I'm pulling up my hair in a bun when Jay knocks on the door . He comes in the house and the boys jump on him yelling come swim with us .. mimi is about to take us swimming says Brendan. . Jay looks up at me and says yea... I shake my head yes.. he says I'll come out side with yall.. we walk out side I spray the boys with sun block and put arm floats on them .. they jump in. I sit down at the table at the edge of the pool . Jay sits next to me and says how are u? I'm here I state.. he says I miss u.. I say I miss you to. . He says I wanna move back in .. at mom's I ask he says yeah.. I told dad I needed to come back .he said it's fine I could have my room back ur sister moved out .. I'm sad . I want him in my room our room .. he looks at me and says would that be OK with you .. yes it's OK .I say .. he says your here all the time , I wouldn't see you that much ..I say I'm here because home seems less happy then ever has ..I say if that's even possible. .he looks at the ground .. I'm working on it baby .. I shake my head yeah.. he whispers I love you .. and I think imma cry.. I stand and look him in the eye .I love you too Jay. I do but don't wait too long .. I jump in the pool with the boys .. about 10 mins..later... Jay says imma go get some food I'm starving what do yall want ? The boys yell happy meal .. Jay says they have a really good bar b q place up the street here you want that Melanie ? .. he smiles Jay knows I love bar b q.. sure thanks I tell him ... he says I'll be right back .. 30 mins..later.. Jay comes back with a ton of food .. he eats so much !!!!!!! Wow . He says come on boys he has the Towels ... when I get out he wraps me in a huge warm towel ,it's been in the sun.. we go in the house and sit down at the table .. Jay puts out all this food. I'm floored at how much food he has gotten .. he puts ice cream in the freezer he got the boys .. we start eating and this bar b q is excellent! I haven't eat in days .. Jay looks over at me and says eat baby . I seem to be playing with this food lost in thought , but I am eating too.. it taste good . I look at Jay and say I am ..u haven't been and u have lost weight he says . I look down at the plate in front of me and realize I've took two bites .. it feels like ten .. I just look at him lost .. I'm so sad .. just confused.. I eat because he wants me to ... when we finish I feel stuffed but Jay has bought pecan cobbler from the BBQ place my favorite. . I can't I tell him. I'm stuffed ! He says later and puts it away .. the boys are in clean dry clothes and laying down for a nap.. Jay says come here after I out a blanket on them ... I Walk over to him and he pulls me into his lap. I lay my head on his chest and we watch sponge Bob for a few mins when he begins whispering in my ear .. I love you baby . I miss you . I tell him the same .. he says I promise if u just give me a Lil more time I'll fix all of this .. I'll make it right .. do you still wanna be with me Melanie ? He ask . I shake my head yes... we sit for a while just holding each other.. I'm so lost . I feel so drained. . I just want him to say he's mine ..